Thursday, August 14, 2008

Robert Wadlow was probably packing

Just look at the guy. He was freaking 8'11", wore Ford Tauruses for shoes, and was still growing at the time of his death from an infected blister (which is sooooooooooo 1930's). Robert Wadlow was paraded around as a circus freak, but he seemed to have a pretty happy demeanor about it and never stuck his head up in the clouds like a broad.

I think it's because he had a 20" piece.

8'11"? Come on now. He probably went from town to town asking for the most experienced whore they had to offer and then just systematically went about destroying them internally. You had to sign a waiver and have some sort of vaginal insurance before Big Rob would even consider looking at you. For some reason, Ripley's left all of these facts out when they chronicled Wadlow's amazing height. Robert Wadlow used to use drive-thru windows as glory holes. The man once wore the Wrigley Field tarp as a condom. Robert Wadlow once impregnated an Amazon River Dolphin, and the thing had to have a C-Section birth. Unfortunately, these feats were not documented and over time have fallen into historical lore. No one really knows the true facts, but that doesn't stop scholars from trying to dig up anything and everything they can find, no matter how trivial it is. And for everyone's sake, I wish them luck.


Boxcar Fritz said...

There is a life size statue of him in Alton, IL. Next time I'm there, I feel around on his crotch to see whats going on in there. If I can reach it.

Ryan said...

Wouldn't the world's shortest black man have beaten him to all those conquests? Unless he had caught Black AIDS first.