Tuesday, February 10, 2009

25 random places I'd like to put my penis

Surely, if you are a part of the elite social network that is Facebook, you have come across or been tagged as part of someone's "25 Random Things About Me" note. And they write out 25 random things, and you are like lol?, and they ask you to do the same. Welllllll f that.

I'd rather list 25 random places that I'd like to put my penis. I figured tagging people for this one would have been considered bad form.

25 Random Places I'd Like to Put my Penis

1. In your vagina.

2. In your mouth.

3. Between your tits.

4. In your friend's vagina.

5. In a 5 gallon bucket of Italian Dressing.

6. Behind your ear like a pencil.

7. In your appletini.

8. Not a condom.

9. In a stagnant Everglades swamp.

10. In a puddle of skim milk.

11. On your desktop background.

12. In a Christmas card addressed to your grandparents.

13. In a Subway fresh fit sub on herb and cheese bread (sorry, probably not available in $5 footlong). Not toasted.

14. In your dreams.

15. In her vagina.

16. In a can of 91 octane gasoline.

17. In a plastic container of cream cheese.

18. On your internet homepage.

19. In a glory hole cut into a bathroom stall.

20. In a Grilled Stuft Burrito at Taco Bell.

21. In a vat of KFC chicken grease.

22. In high school anatomy textbooks.

23. In your birthday cake.

24. Inside of a Fed-Ex Express mailing package, with instructions to be shipped via overnight air direct to your vagina.

25. In Rebecca Lobo.


vernhasatinycod said...

I'm pretty sure your penis doesn't come in any footlong versions, regardless of price.

Vern said...

Uhhhh...yeah. That was the joke.

But I'm glad to see you are on top of things today, AB.

vernistoocoolforschool said...

i thought it was a peter king joke.

and who is this AB?

Rage said...

C'mon, dude....Rebecca Lobo?! Are you fucking shitting me? Why not a fucking meat-grinder? A Cuisinart? A Monkey's ass? A cute homosexual MAN even? Sick fuck

Vern said...

Uhhh...that's pretty much the joke.