tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86926537834496367972024-03-05T19:35:52.057-05:00You Lay on the Ice like a Broad!A compilation of thoughts that would cause me to kill people if I didn't get them out of my head.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.comBlogger344125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-82085874277790243152012-11-21T11:24:00.000-05:002012-11-21T11:24:31.443-05:00Done againIf anybody is still reading this, I'm once again done. I just didn't have the willpower I had back in '08 and '09.<br />
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BUT...me and a friend are starting a new blog, again. This one is called Heat and Meat's Dripping Wet Sports Picks. I'm Meat. Still Vern, but also Meat.<br />
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Check it out, dougs. <a href="http://heatnmeat.blogspot.com/">heatnmeat.blogspot.com</a> or whatever. It's hot fire!<br />
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PEACEBusiness Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-44570374366980630672012-10-10T14:36:00.000-04:002012-10-10T14:36:20.272-04:00This dog is not scarred for life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglF0LFdlnIV291WxnFWUDiZGYtCecOXDcI-_ZsxYkoYeUqYvlEY4x6LrF4HpV9O_TxRSy6sQe-8BJf9efwu8yhCCTryudyGgQaWs39AM6VkKgF2fEZafjylJCHbym2i5bgEBBuIr2Vl8vI/s1600/jmdog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglF0LFdlnIV291WxnFWUDiZGYtCecOXDcI-_ZsxYkoYeUqYvlEY4x6LrF4HpV9O_TxRSy6sQe-8BJf9efwu8yhCCTryudyGgQaWs39AM6VkKgF2fEZafjylJCHbym2i5bgEBBuIr2Vl8vI/s1600/jmdog.jpg" /></a></div>
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HOLY FUCK, how did I miss this? Are you kidding me? Almost two years ago some Australian rugby player face-fucked a dog and I missed it? Ok, I know I've been out of the blog game for years, but back in November 2010 I think I was still hitting it relatively hard. Like, you know, to the degree where I would have heard about A FUCKING RUGBY PLAYER FUCKING A DOG.<br />
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His name is Joel Monaghan (the guy, not the dog...no idea what the dog's name is) and he's pulling a reverse-Vick with a teammate's dog. Which I guess is funny in Australia. And the guy who took the picture put it on Twitter. Genius! Anyway, yeah, it's a guy fucking a dog, but...like, this is the internet era. You can find plenty of dog-fucking and you don't even need to look that hard. Give it a try if you don't believe me. There is dog-fuck around just about every corner of the intertubes. I like that. See, back in 1948 people would probably joke about putting peanut butter on their cocks and having their yorkie lick it off, but they were just joking. They would be like "jajajajaja JOL nobody actually does that!" and they'd have NO IDEA that they were wrong as fuck! Without the net, they couldn't go over to Googs and find images of a drag queen blowing a okapi! They were so naive. Fortunately, we live in enlightened times nowadays.<br />
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But the part of this dog-fucking story that really got me was reading the comments on the blogs reporting it. "OH MY GOD HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO THE POOR DOG", "he should never be allowed to own a dog" and, my favorite, variations of "that poor dog is scarred for life".<br />
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What? THIS dog is scarred for life?<br />
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People...have you ever met dogs? Dogs will lick assholes of other dogs. Dogs will shit on the ground and taste it. Dogs will then throw that shit up and eat it again. Dogs will fuck cacti if you let them. You could marinate placenta in the calm waters of Cite Soleil's "River of Trash" and dogs will trip over themselves to eat that shit up. If you dig up the remains of Rutherford B. Hayes, a dog would lick them while another dog fucks them. Dogs will lick and eat pretty much anything. And this dog that had to lick a man's penis is scarred? Please. This dog probably immediately got up and licked somebody's face without even knowing the difference.<br />
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There are dogs in the streets, hungry dogs, dogs getting beaten and mistreated, and then there is this dog who had to lick a fucking penis. This dog is ok. Stop feeling sorry for it.<br />
Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-12211128117836397802012-09-12T16:45:00.001-04:002012-09-12T16:45:30.317-04:00America...we need a President who is not going to suck Muslim dick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr04S6cIGu1U7slOhyphenhyphenv0NkfWqq6kdwsrcxJn-BZnwZgnrbxTZfqoxlzJ9Eu5WZOeSfqMb0j9TKFULS8rDiBBioXVjSgt_qlsWXdpFt2IaVd2vnm50I-wavIdVscrRz7yNEgo15NHqh8Zp6/s1600/Roms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr04S6cIGu1U7slOhyphenhyphenv0NkfWqq6kdwsrcxJn-BZnwZgnrbxTZfqoxlzJ9Eu5WZOeSfqMb0j9TKFULS8rDiBBioXVjSgt_qlsWXdpFt2IaVd2vnm50I-wavIdVscrRz7yNEgo15NHqh8Zp6/s320/Roms.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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That's right America. We need a President who will stand up for American values. A President who will stand behind the virtues that have made us what we are today. A President who, put simply, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/12/mitt-romney-obama-libya_n_1877406.html" target="_blank">will stop sucking Muslim dick</a>. <br />
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The Obama administration's mixed, shitty-ass mulatto response to the rest of the world following these despicable attacks on our embassy in Libya are just the latest in this President's attempt to extract every last drop of terrorist cum from the dicks of our enemies. This President doesn't care about us, America. He doesn't care about our present, he doesn't care about our future and he sure as fuck doesn't care about all of us individually. Not if there is a set of exposed balls he can cup, balls containing the seed of Al Qaeda. Not if he can lather his tongue all over the coarse-haired taints of our sworn antagonists in the Muslim world. And surely not if there is a stiff Muslim dick he can suck until he breaks the blood vessels. Probably with an erection facing Mecca.<br />
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America...this is not the change that we begrudgingly signed up for four years ago. Who we are at our core was never something that we wanted to change in the first place. Our families don't go to work every day in order to put Muslim cock on the table. We don't send our children to school to learn about Islamic penises and how to fellate them. And we sure as shit don't apologize to we are to any old towelhead who shows us a throbbing erection. And I, Mitt Romney, will make this clear as day to the rest of the world if you were to elect me this November. I swear on Ronald Reagon's dried cumrags that I will SURE AS FUCK not spend my time in office giving reacharounds to treacherous sandfaggots at Guantanamo. Muslim dick ain't going anywhere near this mouth. Ohhh boy. We're going to put a quick end to that policy, and if these freedom-hating oil spics don't like it, then they can suck <i>my</i> dick.<br />
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The choice is yours, America. Stand up and tell the President that you do not approve of our leader slurping Muslim dick while they blow up our embassies. Tell our socialist-in-chief that you do NOT apologize for America every time you get a taste for some of that desert love sauce. The choice is clear, my friends. Vote for me and I swear that the next Muslim dick that President Obama sucks limp will be his last.<br />
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Thank you, and God bless! <br />
Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-85157410557619920382012-09-11T17:20:00.001-04:002012-09-11T17:20:53.909-04:00Vern's sequential order of NFL teams by awesomeness following one week of play<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZl7GrxojP6pR6lAOCdJui7B_wv9H9rVV_XfsG8zAJDr3AnSViJFHvJfKTmS7UsMMvhxQqGLXSCU1jK_XTiaFFgNUqLEQm4sPDOrgtnCip-cmfvPe5yyDyCzFEFGUQ0WhF-Bb0vzUKWHz/s1600/pey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLZl7GrxojP6pR6lAOCdJui7B_wv9H9rVV_XfsG8zAJDr3AnSViJFHvJfKTmS7UsMMvhxQqGLXSCU1jK_XTiaFFgNUqLEQm4sPDOrgtnCip-cmfvPe5yyDyCzFEFGUQ0WhF-Bb0vzUKWHz/s320/pey.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<i>Because the SOPA/PIPA stuff did not pass, I can use the image above on my blog and Yahoo can suck my taint if they don't like it.</i><br />
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Woooo! NFL is here! This is wooo-ish for a number of reasons. Let's hit on a few of them:<br />
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1) <b>College football kind of sucks.</b> It fucking does. "Every game matters!" Yeah, if you fucking like Alabama. Do you know many games matter for Penn State? Like 3 or 4. Because after that point, they lose a game and then the best you can hope for is the Meineke Car Care Bowl. Who gives an s about that? Do you really care if your team beats Kansas State in the Free HIV Tests.com Bowl? And this was before Jerry Sandusky recorded more touches than '98 Jamal Anderson. Now the entire season is just fucked from the start, for 4+ years. Can you see the NFL banning the Steelers from the playoffs because Dick LeBeau is caught jacking off practice squad running backs?<br />
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2) <b>I'm a Pittsburgh native, and that's just what we do.</b> The Pirates have made for an interesting summer, granted - but I need my football fix. If you give me Steelers football and some meaningful Pirates games down the stretch I'll cum the Crater Lake to its fucking brim.<br />
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3) <b>Summer blows ass in South Florida.</b> And North Florida, I guess. So in Florida. I guess the Florida Gators have kept a lot of these douches occupied since August, but they can go sew a denim AIDS quilt and fuck off for all that I'm concerned.<br />
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4) <b>It <i><u>might </u></i>bring me out of this reoccurring hiatus and yinz know you need some damn Vern in your lives.</b><br />
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So let's get down to business. I see POWER RANKINGS all of the time and I don't get them. Yeah, you have preseason power rankings and stuff and then you move teams based on that but fuck that noise. That's too college-y for me. Week one should start fresh from scratch. And also, POWER RANKINGS is vague as f. It's like ALTERNATIVE ROCK. What does it mean? So here in my motherfucking neck of the woods I'm going to list NFL teams, sequentially, by order of how I perceive their awesomeness following that hot, steamy Week 1 action.<br />
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Let's go.<br />
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<b>1. Them Baltimore Ravens </b><br />
Is this team chock full of murderers and cocksucking faggots? Absolutely. But as Ray Lewis has shown over the years, incoherent murdering pile jumpers can still be good at football. And even without Suggs, who's money as shit, the Ravens still looked like a damn juggernaut last night in massacring the Bengals. I don't think the Bengals are that good, but they don't suck. And I don't think the Ravens will continue to be this awesome, but they'll be here until they screw it up and Joe Flacco starts being Joe Flacco again. Jk, there's like no way in Cleveland that I'm going to keep this up longer than a week or two.<br />
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<b>2. New England Queers</b><br />
Cincinnati is a little better than Tennessee, so I'm going to put NE second, once again in spite of my intense hatred for everything they stand for (mainly unprotected male-on-male penetration).<br />
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Just kidding, I think the homos should be able to marry each other, mainly because IT'S NOT GOING TO TURN ME GAY. But that's another subject for 2 months from now when I write my next post.<br />
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Fact is, in spite of their love of penis, New England is once again good as f and they must be afforded this respect. Tennessee is no joke and they didn't stand a chance against the Patriots. It was like a regular absorption tampon going up against Hope Solo's massive, gaping vagina. New England just looked awesome as hell. I'm tempted to put them number 1 now but I've already written number 1 and really, nobody cares.<br />
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<b>3. San Francisco 49ers</b><br />
"OMG Vern, your top teams beat middling doucheteams and the 49ers beat Green Bay! IN GREEN BAY!" Come on, doug. Don't act like 3rd is anything to scoff at.<br />
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And - I guess - I just thought the top 2 were awesomer. Green Bay didn't look like the world beaters they typically have been. Could that be because it was a matchup of two top teams and everything's relative? Absolutely, and we'll find out next week. Plus, it's going to take a bit more to convince me that Alex Smith isn't slightly above average at best. <br />
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But, as you will typically overhear in and around San Francisco - that D was awesome. <br />
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<b>4. St. Louis Rams </b><br />
What? The fucking Rams in fourth? Yep. Because this ranking is just based on awesomeness and that was pretty awesome how the Rams embarrassed Matt Stafford and those dickhead Lions in Detroit.<br />
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So I'm ranking the Rams in fourth, a team that would have an easier time picking up a Wi-Fi signal in North Korea than they would scoring an offensive touchdown, above not only the team that beat them but also on top of like 27 other NFL teams? Yeah, because I hate the Lions and I thought it was awesome that the lowly Rams picked off every other pass that Matt Stafford threw. <br /><br />But - man, that's crazy how all of the sudden I hate the Lions. First off - I LOVE Barry Sanders as a player. Favorite non-Steeler player of all-time, maybe number one from any team. Secondly - this team blew ass for so long that they were a Cleveland-style non-entity for like, forever and then all of the sudden a year or two goes by and I hate them ferociously. Take it as a complement, Lion fans. And then get fucked, probably late by Ndamowhatever Suh after you've already handed off and the running back sprints right by him.<br />
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<b>5. Tampa Bay Bucs</b><br />
Hey, this team just looked pretty damn awesome from what I saw yesterday. They were throttling Carolina's offense. Might Carolina suck? Yes. Were the Bucs last year reminiscent of an ITT Tech flag football league team? Yes. But hey, this team made the playoffs two years ago, so who the fuck knows. Carolina ain't great but you'd expect them to move the ball around on Tampa and they didn't do a damn thing. So enjoy the 5 spot, Bucs. <br />
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<b>6. Houston Texans</b><br />
Did the Texans throttle the lowly Dolphins? Yeah. Did we hear muffled screams from the Dolphins as they bound, duct-taped and raped, sounding like Anne Frank in sonar? Absolutely. So why aren't the Texans higher? Because, well - I actually watched this game and they didn't look unstoppable or anything. The Dolphins are just that bad. Like, really really really bad. We'll get to them when they come up.<br />
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The Texans took awhile to get going and never really looked like they were just dominating the game. It was mostly facilitated by Dolphin suck. I'd call it rape by attrition. So I'm going to hold off a week before I say the Texans are still one of the teams to beat in the American Football C.<br />
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<b>7. Denver Broncos</b><br />
Peyton Manning is still alive and still in Peyton Manning mode. The Steelers got no pressure on him, and he still found wide-open dudes all over the field. The improvements that the Broncos made on defense last year (see: drafting Von Miller) are still there and the offense is capable of scoring points on it's own before there are 2 minutes left in the fourth quarter. And see: that's the fuckin' difference. Last year this team might have found a way, somehow, to squeak by the Steelers off of a flukey fumble recovery and a Tebow-lead 17 yard drive into 50-yard field goal range with 12 seconds left. This time, they already had it easily won by Tebow Time. The same phenomenon works in Ben Roethlisberger's favor to make him the clutchiest player of all time when in reality he was just dicking around for 3 quarters when he could have been building a two-touchdown lead. But I've gone over that before. Point is, while the Broncos didn't look dominant, they looked pretty damn complete as a team. And in a salary capped league where just about every team has a glaring weakness, that's a pretty good predictor of success.<br />
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<b>8. Atlanta Falcons </b><br />
Why are the Falcons only 8th? Because I watched zero minutes of this game and am only going on perceived awesomeness. You never know with KC - see the start to last year. But that's still a taint-stomping that the Falcons put on the Chefs. So just fly around in 8th, you cunty birds. <br />
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<b>9. NY Jets </b><br />
I watched very little of this game. Supposedly, NY's offense was rocking. But it's still lead by Mark Sanchez and still probably sucks and was still playing Buffalo, who are capable of a Buffalo-performance at just about any time.<br />
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If the Jets come in and Scott Peterson the Steelers, then I'll probably be forced to respek. <br />
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In the interim, fuck them and Tebow.<br />
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<b>10. Washington Redskins</b><br />
Didn't see much of this one, but supposedly RGIII was awesome and dominated some ass. And it was against the Saints, in New Orleans. So why am I ranking the Indians so low? Because I've seen their roster and I know how much it sucks. It's terrible. One of the worst rosters in the entire NFL talentwise. Cam Newton came out last year guns a-blazin' and almost knocked off the Packers among other things, but in the end, the overall ehhh-ness of the roster limited them to average at best. I see the same thing happening to Washington the rest of the way.<br />
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Yeah, the Bucs roster sucks too, but they looked awesome. You've got time, Washington. Make me look bad to whoever actually reads this shit. <br />
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<b>11. Dallas Cowboys </b><br />
Yeah, they beat the defending Super Bowl champs in their house, but - I don't know. The Giants are an enigma. They aren't that great, they sneak into the playoffs and then they just run shit. They have a colander for an offensive line. Their secondary is eh. Eli doesn't go into Eli-Mode until they get to 9-7. And while I like Tony Romo and think he gets a bad rap, these two teams just bore me. I don't know what to think about them when they play each other. Like, is Kevin Ogletree going to catch 32 TDs this year or what? I kind of doubt it. At least DeMarco Murray looked like a boss.<br />
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They'll have a decent test going into Seattle to face a team that blows but plays in a difficult environment that requires a long trip through two time zones and smells like mocha. If this doesn't turn the players gay, Dallas should probably win by 2 TDs if they are fa rill.<br />
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<b>12. New York Giants</b><br />
I guess I'll put them here. I don't know. This team is tricky. They certainly had their chances on Wednesday and their defense looks bossy at times, but then a cornerback takes a nap and someone hits a fade on them to take the lead. This team is like the most inconsistent consistent team ever. I guess that makes it entertaining but it makes it hard as hell to trust these sandfuckers in a survivor league. <br />
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You also have to figure that Victor Cruz will remember how to catch.<br />
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<b>13. Chicago Bears</b><br />
Oh yeah, da Bears! Stiff Larry and I picked the Bears for our week 1 survivor league and they responded, knocking the Colts around in Andrew Luck's debut. But, given the TV placement, I couldn't watch too much of this one. Larry said that Brandon Marshall dropped two TDs, but that's just what Brandon Marshall does. It's like an Ohioan getting a DUI - that's just how it is and you have to accept it. But that + Alshon Jeffrey is still like eons better than the failed abortion of an offense the Bears have been trotting out there in years past. Do you realize that one of this team's like, top 5 quarterbacks ever is Erik fucking Kramer? Let that sink in for a second. If you picked a Bears all-time team on Madden, Mushin Muhammad might be your starting wide receiver. That just isn't right.<br />
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<b>14. Green Bay Packers </b><br />
I guess they have to go somewhere. They didn't look very good from what I saw but, man - it's them 49ers and they are legit as f. Packers still had a shot in this one. Let's just keep them just above the middle for now.<br />
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<br /><b>15. San Diego Chargers </b><br />
Saw a little bit of this game, and the Chargers put together a drive and then I went to sleep. East Coast bias. Or, maybe I HAVE TO FUCKING GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT AND THIS SHITFUCKING GAME STARTED AT LIKE 10 FUCKING 45. So suck my dick, San Diego. <br />
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<b>16. Oakland Raiders</b><br />
...and then, let me finish on your face, Oakland.<br />
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McFadden looks good. The rest of the offense looks like they escaped a methadone clinic. At least they have Rolando McClain and the defense. Ron Bartell looked like a man possessed, which is odd, because...what kind of fucked-up evil spirit would possess Ron Bartell??? <br />
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<b>17. Minnesota Vikings</b><br />
Hey, they looked competent at times last year but overall they just don't have the talent. AP is back and Jared Allen is a damn grown-ass man, and then Percy Harvin when he doesn't have hot flashes is a hell of a weapon, and Ponder looks like he may actually develop into somebody that doesn't suck, but...who is left? Well, Harrison Smith looked like a good pick as well. But that's it. And they beat Blaine Gabbert and the Jaguars, so just not enough yet on the ol' resume. Wait until they go into Indianapolis next week and zzzzzzzzzzz<br />
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<b>18. New Orleans Saints</b><br />
Was it Bountygate? Do they just suck that badly on defense regardless? Did they miss Sean Payton's pre-game hummers? Who knows, but I think America is over them so no one really cares. This team hasn't been all that great for years when you look at the overall team, but they had Drew Brees. Eventually, at some point, combine that with losing the few great players that you did have and it's easily a step back. This may be the team that you bet against for the first few weeks of 2012 and clean up before Vegas wakes up and stops making them double-digit favorites over Kansas City. <br />
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<b>19. Fucking Steelers </b><br />
As this was the only game I watched in it's entirety, and since I follow them Steelers, I think the bad was magnified. The receivers gained no separation. The D got no pressure on Tall-head Manning. They couldn't run. Half of the line got hurt again, as usual. They forced a whopping 6 incomplete passes.<br />
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But, all that said, they had a chance to drive for the win late before Tracy Porter did what Tracy Porter does and jumped Rapey Ben's route for a pick-6. So, if the odds are favorable...hell yeah I'd bet on them next week when Tebow comes to town.<br />
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<b>20. Jacksonville Jaguars</b><br />
Was it because they played Minnesota? Or does Blaine Gabbert have a shot at not being awful as fuck? We'll see next week when Houston comes into the....the....uh....the whatever the fuck they call going into Jacksonville's stadium. <br />
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And now, basically a bunch of teams that hopelessly suck.<br />
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<b>21. Arizona Cardinals</b><br />
They won, but it was against Seattle, and it almost wasn't a win, and it happened when Million Dollar Man Kolb came in in relief of somehow starting John Skelton and started facefucking the ball into Fitzgerald's hands. Which isn't a bad strategy. But I'm sorry, this team isn't good, and they never really were. They were 8-8 in that Super Bowl season when Warner and Fitz got hot. They probably wouldn't have ever made the playoffs in any other division during the last few years. So this win just didn't impress me or Shania Twain much.<br />
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<b>22. Indianapolis Colts</b><br />
They have to go somewhere. Why not here.<br />
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<b>23. Carolina Panthers</b><br />
Didn't get stomped. I guess you could move them up because I think they easily beat teams 21 and up. In fact, so do the...<br />
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<b>24. Tennessee Titans</b><br />
...but they got stomped and have to go somewhere that reflects that. Team's decent, was ok last year, and Jake Locker is no slouch. So I may bet on them in coming weeks if they are at home and the betting line doesn't give them any love.<br />
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<b>25. Cincinnati Bengals</b><br />
Well - this team is actually pretty good but fuck, they just got ass-raped on National TV and I usually don't see that unless I'm at xnxx (dot) com. I don't want that to actually link. Maybe they'll rebound and not get beat by 31 next week when they host Cleveland. But it would be f-ing hilarious if they did. So I hope it happens.<br />
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<b>26. Seattle Seahawks</b><br />
I think they have better overall players than Arizona, but their QB sucked and they just weren't awesome at all, so they go here. I think Pete Carroll was starting Russell Wilson partly to made some sort of odd point, like "hey, money really doesn't matter, look at us and our midget rookie QB!". I'd end that soon and start Flynn, regardless of how he looked in preseason. He has documented history of torching NFL defenses in games that matter. I don't care if it was with Green Bay's offense.<br />
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What really sucks is that Ken Whisenhunt would probably fuck Magic Johnson raw to get him in a trade but Seattle wouldn't even consider giving those dicks a QB that can hit a receiver past 5 yards.<br />
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<b>27. Detroit Lions</b><br />
There is absolutely nothing awesome about being embarrassed by St. Louis's excuse for a team, whether you pull out the win in the end or not. It was that classic "good team gets lucky as shit and somehow comes back at the end to overcome all of their previous suck" games that I hate. I don't care if they didn't have a third down during the last two drives - they were the opposite of awesome. Stafford's lucky that he only threw the picks that he did, too. I'm sure they'll rebound but it would have been really, really nice to see a third of the participants in every survivor league in America knocked out by the Rams in week 1. For now I'll just have to settle for a week's worth of relative silence from Detroit fans.<br />
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<b>28. Kansas City Chefs</b><br />
I mean, I think they can be a good time but they are another enigma team and when you get raped like they did, even if you hung with the Falcons for the first half, you have to go to the bottom. Sorry.<br />
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<b>29. Buffalo Williams</b><br />
See above. But this one is a bit worse because they were getting stomped early and Fitzpatrick looked awful. <br />
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<b>30. Miami Dolphins</b><br />
The Dolphins are the most boring team ever assembled. They have been for years. They are a lock to finish between 6-10 and 8-8 every year, ensuring that they'll miss out on a top-5 draft pick. Or, they'll be the best 1-15 team in NFL history and get the number one pick - but it's in the Jake Long year. Their roster has been the most averagest roster ever assembled. No real weaknesses, nothing even approaching a strength. Cam Wake and Long may be the only Dolphins that would go in the top 10 rounds if the NFL dispersed their rosters and did a fantasy draft.<br />
<br />
But now, they are starting to get worse. Yep - that team described above is actually getting worse and even more boring. They are rebuilding without the chips to rebuild. Their coach came across as the most middle-manager-type person ever on Hard Knocks. Jeff Ireland is a ginger prick who can't build a roster to save his damn life. Their rookie QB looks at his number one receiver, sees that he is Davone Bess and turns to his number two only to see that it's Brian fucking Hartline. Or, he can look in the flat and dump it to Reggie Bush. OR, he can look in the middle for Tony Fasano! OR, he can take a gun and shoot himself in the fucking head. This team blows ass and has no shot at 6 wins this year. They just have too few qualified NFL players.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>31. Philadelphia Eagles</b><br />
Oh my God did this team look putrid last weekend. Holy fuck. This was my survivor pick in one of my leagues because the Browns are that bad, and Vick went out and did everything he could to lose to them. It's like he was trying to electrocute a dog and the wires kept short circuiting and the dog is bloody and cut and whimpering for it's life and Vick is trying to put it down but he can't get enough of a shock to kill it so he tries to drown it but doesn't really have the heart to do it so it's like he's waterboarding the dog and he finally tries to run over it with his Escalade but it won't start because the alternator is bad. Like, the Browns actually had a great chance to win but some dude in the end zone dropped a pick that would have sealed it and Vick hit the game winner a play or two later and finally killed that pesky dog. Either Vick reverted back to 2006 form or Vince Young put on Vick's jersey and tricked everybody. It was like a right-handed kid with Asperger's trying to throw lefty. It was awful. And it wasn't the worst.<br />
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<br />
<b>32. Cleveland Browns</b><br />
Holy fucking shit does this team blow dicks. Brandon Weeden's QB rating wasn't even high enough to get you a DUI. Greased Pig Richardson and his balky knee ran for like 28 yards. They had four picks and still lost. They are awful as hell. <br />
<br />
With Weeden, they look hopeless. With Colt McCoy, you know they are hopeless.<br />
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I'd seriously stop following football if I were a Browns fan. Like fa rill. I wouldn't be able to take it. Props to all of you who manage. Guhhhhhhh with like 100 H-es.<br />
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<br />Alright. So that's it for now. Don't be afraid to use these foolproof awesome rankings for your betting next weekend!<br />
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<br />Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-25846989593776814802012-07-26T18:36:00.000-04:002012-07-26T18:36:02.657-04:00Arguments that chap my balls: spitting on a dead man's grave!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.uvtblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/joe-paterno-statue.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="http://www.uvtblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/joe-paterno-statue.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Starling Marte is cool and all, but this is what I really came here for.<br />
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I HATE, hate hate haTHEATHth the defenses of Paterno that involve "hey, let's focus on the real criminal here - Sandusky", "let's think of the victims", or "they just want to piss all over a dead man's grave and get their piss all over his bones!". HATE. They chap the everliving shit out of my balls.<br />
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Now, I'm not pro-child rape. You can say "ohhh, whatever Vern, you have pubes and those act as natural Sandusky repellents and you don't know what it's like" and that may be true. But I'm generally against rapin' kids and having soap fights and unleashing the tickle monster and playing "Uncle Jer's showertime hide-n-go-fuck". So don't get it twisted like Maurice Gibb's intestine, aiight y'all?<br />
<br />
Let's go at this point-by-fucking-point (it is my favorite way, after all):<br />
<br />
<b>1. SANDUSKY IS THE REAL CRIMINAL</b><br />
<br />
Well fucking of course, retards! "Why don't you focus on the real evil figure here?" Simple...BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS SANDUSKY IS THE REAL EVIL FIGURE HERE! Nobody is arguing this. He went to trial. He was found guilty. He got like 80 years or something. Nobody thinks he's innocent! There is no FREE SANDUSKY! petitions going around. There is no "Sandusky is innocent!" Facebook page. There's no mood: Sanduskyish option on whatever remains of Myspace. There is no point to argue about Sandusky. None. Everybody knows. Do you remind people that summer is warmer than winter? No. Do you stop debate over how to get home from the bar to point out that you only got drunk because you drank alcohol? NO. You fucking don't because you have all of your chromosomes.<br />
<br />
The debate here is about Paterno because he is the prominent public figure from Penn State football. Sandusky was some fucking guy who tickled 8-year old balls. Everybody knows that. People don't (or didn't) quite know with great certainty about Paterno and they wondered. That's why the fuck it's the main topic of debate. If you want to have a convo with me about "hey is raping kids bad", I mean, we can do it but it's only going to kill about 9 seconds of time before we have to talk about something else.<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b><br />
<b>2. LET'S THINK OF THE VICTIMS</b><br />
<br />
Ok. Let's think of the victims. Man, it sucks that kids got raped. Jeez, that must have been awful. I have no idea what that must have felt like. Ok, now that we've felt sufficiently bad for the kids, are they un-raped? What the fuck did we just accomplish? Do we feel good now that we think we have our priorities in place? Do you know that there are kids in Africa who are so hungry that they eat each other's dicks? Why don't you feel bad for them you fucking sack of fuck!<br />
<br />
We get this. It's understood. Kids suffered. THERE IS NOTHING TO DEBATE HERE. If you guys want to hold candlelight vigils and think it's going to make you look like you have a heart and a soul and you are a better person than me, that's fine and you can go right the fuck ahead. In the meantime, I'll be talking about Paterno because he was Penn State football and he may have allowed this whole thing to get swept under the rug and that right there gives us SOMETHING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT.<br />
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<b><br /></b><br />
<b>3. DON'T GET PISS ALL IN HIS GRAVE</b><br />
<br />
Why? We can't talk about this now that JoePa is dead? What the fuck? Joe Paterno being dead doesn't make him any less of a maybe-kid rape coverer-upper. You know who else is dead? Franklin Pierce. And you know what? Franklin Pierce was a fucking joke of a President. Can you say that? Of course you can. And most people that have any idea of history would agree with you. You know what they wouldn't ever say?<br />
<br />
"STOP PISSING ON FRANKLIN PIERCE'S GRAVE!"<br />
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No one would ever say that. You can ask 3 billion people and I bet not one would ever say that.<br />
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The Penn State scandal happened and Paterno's death doesn't change that. I don't see anyone telling you that you have to pretend to enjoy Laura Branigan's music 'cause she's dead. Mainly because she was fucking awesome but bear with me here. There is a kidrape scandal here, the NCAA just took like 40 scholarships away from the Vatican, and Joe Paterno may have played an active role in suppressing this news for a decade in which Sandusky continued to practice personal hygiene with pre-teen boys. We're supposed to forget about it for a little bit because Paterno just died? Fuck and NO.<br />
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And this is coming from a Penn State fan who only went elsewhere for college because I didn't think Joe would let me on his football team. Turns out all I would have had to have done was wink at Uncle Jer.<br />
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Fuck outta here with this, yo!Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-714325063544089242012-07-26T17:46:00.002-04:002012-07-26T17:46:46.664-04:00Starling Marte has arrived<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Let's get it, sons. If I'm going to try and do this blog again I'd be remiss if I didn't touch on them surging Buccos, who are surging all over the faces of the NL this year. Just all over their faces. Matt Kemp looks like one of those cinnamon swirl cookies, but instead of cinnamon and dough, he's made out of skin and Pirate cum.<br />
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The Pirates are not without their flaws, however, and one of them is "hitting". A decent part of the game. Sure, they can hit bombs and all, but outside of Cutch and Alvarez those bombs are just kind of coming from anywhere and you can't keep that up. They aren't getting on base too well on the year. As a whole, that is...yeah they were hot for a month, but they are likely to regress, and it appears to have already started. Just like the first month was an aberration on the bad side, I take this recent stretch as the opposite. The leadoff spot has been especially poor, with Jose Tabata being sent down to the Rockford Peaches and Alex Presley hitting like, .230.<br />
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Just so happens they had a guy in the wings named Starling Marte.<br />
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I've been living on Twitter recently - which is odd given that I usually spend 8 minutes a month on Twitter - waiting for Dejan Kovacevic or Keith Law or Grantland Rice to break the news of Marte's promotion. This Marte guy may not be the savior, but with everyone else hitting .194 at the top of the order, it's time to see what the fuck he can go. I'm pumped.<br />
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So let's fucking get it, kids. Remember to drink your Sambuca shots every inning in which the Bucs score. <br />Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-26833228216776148092012-07-20T11:48:00.001-04:002012-07-20T11:48:38.797-04:00Wikihow is a motherfucking goldmineDougs....shit is cray. I've been spending a lot of time on a site that I didn't even know existed and I'm kind of upset that I wasn't alerted to its existence sooner. That site is Wikihow and it is a DAMN GOLDMINE.<br />
<br />
Everything is on Wikihow. EVERYTHING. See, I'm in a dodgeball league (and it's awesome so you can all suck me), and we are kind of awful as fuck. Like awful as bright neon fuck. Terrible. I was unable to attend the week one game (which we lost) and the next day I was sent an email from the captain with a link to Wikihow, purporting to teach us awesome dodgeball tips that we could jump on and reverse choke-fuck to victory. <br />
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http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Great-at-Dodgeball<br />
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You have got to be shitting the fuck out of me.<br />
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• <b>Dodge the ball!</b> Dodging the ball means you aren't out! Unless you can<br />
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• <b>Catch the fucking ball!</b> This is so much cooler than dodging. And then the other team is out, and that increases your chance of ultimate victory. <br />
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• <b>Trick them by throwing the ball in different locations!</b> THEY WILL BE BEWILDERED AS F!<br />
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It's one of the dumbest things I've ever read. But it gets better. Perusing Wikihow leads to some really great how tos. Like <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Boy-or-Girl-if-You-Have-Aspergers" target="_blank">HOW TO MOTHERFUCKING GET A BOY OR GIRL IF YOU HAVE ASPERGERS</a>. But my favorite...my favorite thusfar is <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Find-a-Queer-Relationship-in-High-School" target="_blank">"How to Find a Queer Relationship in High School"</a>. It looks as if the long national nightmare for high school queers is about to be put to an end for good.<br />
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<br />
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<i><b class="whb">1. Discover your own identity</b>.
It takes time to figure out who you are, and in the queer community
there's even more pressure to have a rigid, fixed identity with a label
like "gay," "bi," "trans," "lesbian," or "bisexual." Don't worry if
you're not quite sure what word to use, or if the words you use change
over time. You can use words like "queer," "pansexual," "questioning,"
or "gender fluid." You also don't have to base who you're interested in
on gender. Just ask yourself some basic questions, like: </i><br />
<br />
Starting out with a bang here! See, problem one for all of you queer high schoolers is that you keep calling yourself cocksuckers and fags and stuff like that. It's not like the bullying or wondering why you are 15 years old and a dude but want to taste dicks or those awkward feelings because you are confused why you are a little girl in 9th grade and you don't know what scissoring is but yet you still want to scissor like you were doing championship-level origami...it's the label, stupid. Very pragmatic. <br />
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You need to extract yourself from the stupid gay identities of the queer community. See, while every other citizen of queer nation is going by "gay" or "biqueer", you can break the mold and go by something that you want to go by. But you have to go by something. There are roles, and if your name is Jeff and you like cock, you can't just go by Jeff. I know it sucks but fucking deal with it, Jeff. Be proud.<br />
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So Jeff, don't let them call you gay. You can use queer! Nah, don't use queer. Pansexual? Eh. Gender fluid? Good one! Wikihow is really on top of this. But I think they need to go deeper. How about "majestic prince of dick"? That one's regal! Or "cum addict". You miiiight as well face it you're addicted to cum. Ha! You can sing old Robert Palmer songs about cum! So don't let them pigeonhole you, you sweet, sweet arbiter of ass, you. <br />
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Oh, I cut it off...what questions does Wikihow think you queers should ask yourselves?<br />
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<br />
<ul>
<li><i>Who am I looking for in a relationship? Is gender important? If so, what gender(s) do I prefer?</i></li>
<li><i>Is it important to me to claim a particular identity?</i></li>
<li><i>Do I want to come out? If I'm out, or plan to be, does the person I date need to be out, too?</i></li>
<li><i>How comfortable am I with PDA? Some queer teens may want to be out
at school and to their families, and others may not. Decide this before
you enter a relationship.</i></li>
<li><i>Is it important to me that someone I'm with affirm my gender and/or
sexuality? This may be particularly important if you're trans- or
bisexual-identified and might end up in what looks like a "straight"
relationship.</i></li>
</ul>
RIGHT! Right off the bat, we get at the heart of the matter here. Sit down with me, Jeff, and let's get started with these questions. HEY STOP LOOKING AT MY DICK<br />
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<i>• Who am I looking for in a relationship? Is gender important? If so, what gender(s) do I prefer?</i><br />
<br />
Yes! See, if you are going to try and start a gay relationship it would help to ask yourself "self, am I ACTUALLY FUCKING GAY? Do I want to taste penises now and forever more or am I just bored and hey, there's a dick, may as well suck it?"...this is an important step. You've got to nail this one.<i><br /></i><br />
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• <i>Is it important to me to claim a particular identity?</i><br />
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Do you want to be one of those rambunctious gays that are all carrying flags around and eating kale salads after yoga class or do you just want to be kinda, you know, like sneaky gay?<br />
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I mean the rest are kinda ok (at least number 3...number 4 about PDA is just, yeah, like - decide just how gay you are and turn your public gayness up or down accordingly. But like, what the fuck yo?<br />
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<i><b class="whb">• Meet other queer teenagers and allies</b>. If you live in
a queer-friendly community, or go to a queer-friendly school, this may
be easy. But if you don't, you'll need to meet people before you can
look for potential dates. Search the web for any local queer youth
groups or meet-ups, or if there are none available, try social justice
groups or arts groups for teenagers. Often, though not always, queer
teens get involved in politically liberal causes and the arts, which
have typically been queer-friendly spaces. Feminist groups also tend to
be particularly queer friendly. Dating websites are another place to
meet, but spend time chatting first before you meet in person, and
always meet in a public place first.</i><br />
<br />
START A QUEER PATROL! So simple! I can't believe I never thought of that! If you want to start a gay relationship - just go find some gays!<br />
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Now, this is easy if you go to the gayest high school on the planet, but for the rest of you who go to normal high schools where gays are hopping out of bushes and overflowing from maintenance closets, you may have to do some work. Search the web for gay hangouts! Go to dickdate.com! Start being liberal as fuck! These are all tips that will end up with you catching frozen ropes of ejaculate in no time. <br />
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But all in all I agree with Wikihow...if you want to start a queer relationship, go find a metric shit ton of queers. It's so simple. This article had to have been written in the UK, because I have never seen the word queer typed so many times in my life. In fact, I don't think I've even said it since I was in 4th grade. Next week will be how to start a queer relationship in 4th grade even though your dicks don't even work yet.<br />
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<i><b class="whb">Be open about your identity and availability in ways that make sense to you</b>.
Everyone is different. Some people want to shout about their queerness
from the rooftops, while others are painfully shy. If you want to date
someone who knows that you're queer, whether a same-sex relationship or
not, you need to be open about your identity to some extent. But how you
do that is up to you. You can come out entirely at school, or in your
community but not at school, or you can spread the word in some other
way--letting close friends know, for example, or being active on the
Internet as a queer teen. You never know whether a Twitter follower or
blog reader in your town might start crushing on you if you come out
online, and in some ways these venues are safer than being open at
school or around town.</i><br />
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Ok....in this article of three just awesome, awesome tips - maybe 3% of it is how to actually start a queer relationship. You know, though, you can always just become the newest hot internet queer teen, right? Didn't you know that? You didn't! OMG! Ok, first off, it's awesome, and second off, your Twitter followers are going to totes fall in love with you.You could film yourself RIGHT NOW wearing Umbro shorts and a rainbow t-shirt, singing gay songs about Janet Reno and rubbing against Michael Bolton posters. You could take that video, upload that shit to Youtube in like 5 minutes and then wait a few hours for it to go viral. And then, bang! Queers are going to be swarming you like a damn handjobbing flash mob. <br />
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Keep up the good work, Wikihow!Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-1141646174814228442012-07-12T10:09:00.001-04:002012-07-12T10:12:34.256-04:00BROADS ARE PISSED<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Oh yeah...fuck it. I'm going to try a comeback. Bert Farve, y'all.</div>
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Anyway...Bob Kraft did some embarrassing dance thing with a young lady on the internet recently, and broads are pissed. You know, the same internet where you can find animated GIFS of meth addicts blowing horses and a gay dude disguised as a piece of chocolate signing about getting ass-hammered. That place. It now has Bob Kraft stumbling over acting lines.</div>
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Well...it has this broad laying on the ice like, well...like herself.</div>
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http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/view.bg?articleid=1061145175&srvc=rss</div>
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<i>Robert Kraft goes over Viagra Falls, but it’s his image in a barrel</i></h1>
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<i><img alt="Margery Eagan" class="bylineImage" src="http://cache.heraldinteractive.com/images/siteImages/reporters/margery_eagan.gif?1=1" />
<span class="bold">By Margery Eagan</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="bold"> - </span></i><span class="bold">I have absolutely no idea what that means. I mean, I'm a fan of things like "yeah, Magic got in his AIDSmobile and drove to Unprotectedsexville", but Viagra Falls? Going over it? But it's only his image in a barrel? There are so many aimless metaphors in here, just pulling each other apart at the atoms. It's like quantum failure. Did the <a href="http://thedeadballera.com/Obits/Obits_D/Delahanty.Ed.Obit.html" target="_blank">ghost of Ed Delahanty</a> craft this one? Get it? I said "craft"! Haha! Jajajajajaaja JOL</span><span class="bold"></span></div>
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<span class="bold"><br />So anyway, awkward video of Patriots owner Bob Kraft recently surfaced and it isn't exactly flattering for him. He's helping what appears to be his 14-year old girlfriend (he's 107) with an audition, he reads some lines (poorly), does a dance (poorlier), and says "fuck you, pussy!". I mean - yeah, it's not the coolest thing for someone of his stature to be doing. He probably didn't expect the video to be made public, though. But...this broad Marge Eagan apparently thinks it invalidates him and his late wife's entire legacy and ruins his brand. The Patriots are pretty much done, she surmises. </span></div>
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<span class="bold">Vern counter-surmises against her. </span></div>
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<b><i><span class="articleBegin">D</span>o we all still have to call him “Mr. Kraft”?</i></b></div>
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Doesn't matter to me. <b> </b>You can call him Dancing Fucktard Kraft for all I care. Or Mittens. <b><i></i></b></div>
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<b><i>Will Patriot uniforms’ MHK patches — honoring the great, late Myra Hiatt
Kraft — now be replaced with patches honoring Kraft’s new pal, Ricki,
with a red heart over each “i”?</i></b></div>
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I don't know...did she just fucking die of cancer? Did this chick die of cancer after having been married to him for 30+ years? If so...then yes, she gets a patch.</div>
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Ohhhh...I get it. You are chiding him for even having a young girlfriend, accusing him of besmirching his wife's memory or something. Was it your wife that died of cancer, Marge? He doesn't have to disavow women just because it offends your perceived relationship between him and his wife, Margey. </div>
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But yes, there would certainly be a heart over each "i", because that would really rub it in his dead wife's face amiright? AMIFUCKINGRIGHT! HA! Of course I'm right! WOOOO</div>
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<b><i>“Somebody needs to haul him out of his house explaining how he’s just
snapped, insane with grief with his shirt all tied up like Hannibal
Lecter,” said a Pats fan yesterday.</i></b> </div>
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Probably a woman. </div>
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<i><b>“And they need to do it before the
end of business today, or Kraft’s tossed his whole brand.”</b></i></div>
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Oh shut. The. Fuck. Up. This is a mothersucking blip on the Goddamn radar of Bob Kraft and the Patriots. </div>
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Tossed his whole brand? Stop overreacting. People will by and large forget about this in a week. His young "friend" was already public knowledge. And maybe it doesn't look that great. BUT WHO CARES? It doesn't have to! Bob Kraft's brand is the New England Patriots. People watched Patriots games when SCOTT FUCKIN' ZOLAK was quarterbacking them. They don't watch games because of Kraft. Dumbass New Englanders love the Patriots because they are douchebags and think Tom Brady and Wes Welker are wicked, not because Bobbert Kraft owns the team. </div>
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This is stupid. Bob Kraft doesn't have to exclusively enjoy the company of women that you approve. Nor does he have to lock himself in a closet and cry himself to sleep every day. The world keeps on spinning, even for Bob Kraft and his "brand". </div>
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<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
And if you stop watching Patriots games because Bob Kraft perfectly acceptably hangs around ugly young women in spite of not being married, then you shouldn't have been following the team in the first place. If it comes out in the news that Dan Rooney has been engaging in hardcore gay BDSM with male hookers for years and his safeword is "dandelion", I'm still going to watch the hell out of Steelers games this year. Hell, I'm a Penn State fan. I'm going to keep watching PSU games regardless of how soapy and naked Jerry Sandusky liked his 11-year old boys. WE ARE! TICKLE MONSTER!</div>
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<b><i>The brand that was all about family values football, he said. “You can’t
even smoke anymore at Gillette. But this? This? It’s pathetic.”</i></b></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Wait, what? Family values? YOU CAN'T EVEN SMOKE CIGARETTES INSIDE OF A FOOTBALL STADIUM AND YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FAMILY VALUES?!?!???! </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br />
Here are two lists!</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
List 1: Things that can give me cancer</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
• Second-hand smoke</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
List 2: Things that cannot in any fucking possible way ever give me cancer</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
• Second-hand creepiness from old man Kraft</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b><span class="bold"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>In case you missed it, “this” is the bizarre new Bob and Ricki video
where Bob appears to be helping the gorgeous Ricki, in a bikini,
audition for a movie. The camera pans slowly up and down Ricki’s
luscious self. She winks. Then Kraft awkwardly reads some lines, does a
cringe-worthy dance, and uses two eyebrow-raising vulgarities.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
She ain't luscious. She looks like a mannequin that came to life. And then he says fuck and pussy. </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<b><i>You see it. You can’t quite believe this is Mr. Robert Kraft, who
created a football dynasty in his signature blue shirts with crisp white
collars.</i></b></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Yeah, I agree. It's fucking weird to see Bob Kraft doing this. </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<b><i>Creepy. Disturbing. Need to shower.</i></b></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Fine with that. I have no problem with this take on it. It is a bit creepy. She's 9 years old, for Christ's sake. And he voted for Lincoln. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>Those are sentiments I heard yesterday.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold"> </span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold">Don't care. Do you know what kind of sentiments I hear every day? Dougs, you should really read my Facebook news feed. I once heard a dude at Bokamper's say that we need to shoot Obama because he froze NASA spending or something and the next war is going to be fought in space. These are the sentiments that I hear every day. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<b><i>It’s not that Kraft, a rich and powerful widower, can’t chase The Great
American Rich and Powerful Man’s Dream: spending the Viagra years with a
knockout blonde who pretends you mean more to her than said riches and
power. We saw Bob and Ricki at a Celtics playoff game. We may have recoiled. She’s 32. He’s 71, which goes beyond dating-your-daughter range (see John Henry, Red Sox)
to dating-your-granddaughter range. Plus, these days, trophy
wives/girlfriends typically bring visible skills to the table (see Mrs.
John Henry).</i></b></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Wait...he can't? The premise of your article is basically that he can't, and you have him falling over waterfalls in barrels while doing so. You just said that they are going to have to replace the patches dedicated to his wife with heart-encrusted stripper poles.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>But hey, Kraft’s a lonely guy. We could cut him slack — until now. Now
he’s let little Ricki use him in a publicly demeaning way, and thereby
he’s publicly demeaned his children, grandchildren and the memory of the
wife he, very publicly, seemed to adore.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Come on. He's helping her with an audition, doing a terrible job at it, and they are both embarrassing. He was trying to have some fun, instead of always having to be that dude in crisp shirts who's dick gets hard over family values except for the fact that he's too family valuesy to even have a hard dick. He cannot have thought this video would see the light of day. And they are both demeaning themselves with awful acting. He's demeaned his children? And his grandchildren? And the wife he "seemed" to adore? You know the one he "said" that he loved? </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Come the fuck on. "Grandpa does stupid, embarrassing thing", wrote NO NEWSPAPER EVER BECAUSE GRANDPAS ARE OLD AND DO EMBARRASSING SHIT. </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold">We are done with cutting your slack, Kraft! This is it! You have came all over your dead wife's legacy! </span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<span class="bold"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b><span class="bold"><br /></span></b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>The real deal. Genuine, kind, never condescending. That rare
philanthropist who walked the walk and helped the truly needy, often
anonymously. That’s what you heard about Myra Kraft in the days after
her death, not even a year ago. And now this.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
There are things you can still hear about Myra Kraft, because she wasn't in this video, and it doesn't affect her, because she's dead. </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
"Hey Rich, remember how Myra Kraft was so kind?"</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
"Of course".</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
"WELL HAVE YOU SEEN BOB KRAFT SAYING PUSSY AND DANCING?"</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
"You've got to be kidding me...FUCK MYRA KRAFT!"</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>Yesterday, Kraft expressed regret about his Ricki video.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Yeah, because he embarrasses himself and it got out on the internet.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>Too late.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
You've lost Marge Eagan. </div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<i><b>It’ll never fade away, this painful new image of Kraft as yet another sad, silly, all-sexed-up old fool.</b></i></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Yes. Yes it will fade. Probably well before football games are played. And if it hasn't faded by then, it will shortly thereafter.</div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Because no one cares about Robert Kraft's personal life. Really, they don't. This is the same Bob Kraft who football fans accuse of all but blowing Roger Goodell. And you think this is going to hurt his legacy?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: black; color: white;">
Laying on the ice like a got-damned broad, Marge. </div>
<br />Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-23192444224195416872010-11-17T14:33:00.000-05:002010-11-17T14:33:48.672-05:00Needed a changeI gave up, then decided I maybe wanted to come back. But just wanted a fresh spot.<br />
<br />
Vern = Flaccid Jeff and is at http://37dix.blogspot.com.<br />
<br />
I give this new location a month before I quit again and move to Indonesia.<br />
<br />
Thanks!Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-59289425482734266262010-07-16T12:27:00.000-04:002010-07-16T12:27:16.870-04:00F You, Verizon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e2013485799d6c970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="301" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e2013485799d6c970c-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
I have been trying to get a new phone from Verizon for THREE F-ING MONTHS.<br />
<br />
THREE MONTHS!<br />
<br />
And I still have the same old God-damned motherf-ing 5 year old flip phone that can't check MY MOTHERFUCKING EMAIL! What if I get an email from some hot chick that says "hey, I don't usually write emails to dudes asking if I can blow them right now because who does that, but today just seems different". I'd be screwed! Well, not screwed. That's how I'd be screwed. Anyway, you get the point.<br />
<br />
I was going to get the original Motorola Droid in late May, but I saw that a phone called the "Incredible" from HTC was coming out. And it was incredible, and so I decided to wait. And wait I did. Went into the store, they didn't have them. Come back on the 7th. Came back on the 7th, they said come back on the 21st. Came back on the 21st, they said they don't sell them in the stores anymore, get it online. Didn't get paid, had to cancel the order. Got paid, tried to order it again, and they had pushed it back now until mid-August.<br />
<br />
Is this HTC's or Verizon's fault? Probably a little of each, but who cares about HTC. Verizon had a shortage of phones so they had to have more built. And then they didn't have enough built to meet a demand that they fucking knew of quite well. And, of course, every Verizon store is decked out in ads for this phone during this whole saga. BUY A DROID PHONE GET A FREE ONE!*<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*Phones not actually in stock. And won't be for months. Fuck you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So, I sigh and mutter something in my head and order this phone online again. But, I make one last call to a store somewhere in the sticks to see if they have it. They do not, but he has a Motorola Droid X prototype and it is coming out on July 15. He tells me that I will be upset if I get the Incredible without checking out the X. So I go out and check it out.<br />
<br />
And the X is awesome. Huge screen. Lightning fast internet. It's great. And it's available BEFORE the Incredible's stock will be replenished. I'm in. I gave him my number and he said he'd call on Wednesday and I could pay then and pick it up on Thursday. Perfect.<br />
<br />
Didn't get a call. Whatever, Verizon's going to have plenty of these available.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mobilecrunch.com/2010/07/14/verizon-determined-to-not-pull-an-incredible-with-the-droid-x-plenty-of-stock-on-hand/" target="_blank">Right?</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.eweek.com/c/a/Mobile-and-Wireless/Motorola-Droid-X-Drought-Dampens-Launch-for-Verizon-839502/" target="_blank" title="Fuck you, Verizon. And Motorola. And HTC. And George Washington.">Fuck no.</a><br />
<br />
Again. Three months of this and Verizon, et. al. still cannot get this fucking right. Not exactly the way to make a dent in the smart phone market. I'm fed up. I'm pissed. I'm about to cancel my phone and go to AT&T because even though it's AT&T and I like Droids better than iPhones, you can walk into an AT&T store and you can leave it WITH A MOTHERFUCKING PHONE. Quite the concept there. Revolutionary business plan.<br />
<br />
But it was going to cost $60 to cancel the line. I'm cheap and it has like, 21 days left. Then I calmed down, said to myself, "man...you really hate AT&T. And every motherfucker has a damn iPhone. Just order the damn phone online".<br />
<br />
So I did. And it ships next Friday.<br />
<br />
Fuck me.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-1424422918809371052010-07-01T16:40:00.000-04:002010-07-01T16:41:17.785-04:00Oh, Florio<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIvKrVxV4fMjReuUMkBabu4Xp5szDVGKpVfvpGkFB6M94TNxPFa3ng92KFNJQiByu9JcFp0vMpkkfXWqgypOquHMa6PltvSAhYJ7YLehaL27UIUMPdp8eze0fDceJxXgbLdq_F8cx34bP/s1600/mikeflorio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinIvKrVxV4fMjReuUMkBabu4Xp5szDVGKpVfvpGkFB6M94TNxPFa3ng92KFNJQiByu9JcFp0vMpkkfXWqgypOquHMa6PltvSAhYJ7YLehaL27UIUMPdp8eze0fDceJxXgbLdq_F8cx34bP/s320/mikeflorio.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Let's check in on the latest opinion piece from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pictured above, <a href="http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/07/01/the-other-steve-smith-makes-a-bad-decision-facebook-style/">Mike Florio</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Last week, Panthers receiver <a class="nameLink" href="http://www.rotoworld.com/content/playerpages/player_main.aspx?sport=NFL&id=4227">Steve Smith</a> made a bad decision to play flag football with adults.<br />
<br />
This week, Giants receiver <a class="nameLink" href="http://www.rotoworld.com/content/playerpages/player_main.aspx?sport=NFL&id=4227">Steve Smith</a> made a bad decision to play funny man regarding adultery.<br />
<br />
In the wake of news that Tiger Woods will pay his ex-wife hundreds of millions in a divorce settlement, Smith (the New York one) <a href="http://www.facebook.com/SteveSmith#%21/SteveSmith?v=wall&story_fbid=131951336839884">had this to say</a> on his Facebook page: "Big up to Tigers wife all she had to do is open her legs and say 'I Do' and now she's one of the richest people in the world lol."<br />
<br />
For starters, his comment isn't humorous. The bigger problem? Smith is suggesting that she somehow trapped Tiger in the hopes of cashing in. But she's not the one who repeatedly and brazenly violated the marital vows; he did.<br />
<br />
Tiger's not the victim here. If he didn't think he could honor his promises to his wife, he never should have gotten married. Especially when he knew that failure to do so would result in giving her a large chunk of his financial empire.</blockquote><br />
<br />
Holy God, Florio. More sanctimonious drivel.<br />
<br />
So...let me get this straight. Steve Smith made the bad decision of...posting something that Florio disagreed with? Michael Vick just shot a guy. Santonio Holmes Twittered about smokin' the ganj. So did a WR from the Florida Gators recently. Darnell Dockett put a video of himself showering on some Youtube-type site. Terry Bradshaw fucked Elena Kagan on Perez Hilton's website twenty minutes after her Supreme Court confirmation hearings. There are much worse and much dumber things going down right now.<br />
<br />
But this...this one's the worst. Because Florio doesn't agree with it.<br />
<br />
For starters, Mike, <i>YOU</i> don't think it's humorous. I'm not exactly suggesting that Steve Smith should open up for Louis CK during the off-season, but I thought it was slightly chucklesworthy. But..."the bigger problem"? "Smith is suggesting (Tiger) trapped (Elin)"? Why is that the bigger problem? Why is that even <i>a</i> problem? Is he on her legal team? Was she fucking Steve Smith on the side during her marriage? Who the fuck cares? Why do I bother?<br />
<br />
And Elin is the victim. But then she got $750 million. Sooooo, sorry if I can't drum up the requisite amount of sadness for her.<br />
<br />
Tiger obviously shouldn't have gotten married. Even though adultery isn't a crime, it's not the best look for your public image. And it's gonna cost you. But to suggest that Steve Smith has a problem for making a joke about Elin's now likely diamond-<a href="http://www.vajazzling.com/">vajazzled</a> nether regions makes me want to jump out of Chris Henry's pickup truck.<br />
<br />
Fucking Florio.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-69474017848033747992010-06-16T12:45:00.000-04:002010-06-16T12:45:09.773-04:00Blow me, Rain-X<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e201348470986c970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e201348470986c970c-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Just like Ben Roethlisberger, Rain-X. My penis is exposed, I have my bodyguard blocking the bathroom door, you are stuck...and you might as well just get this over with.<br />
<br />
Earlier this year, I purchased some tires for my Lambo at Tire Kingdom. The Lambo had also been struggling with clearing rain from the windshield, and lo and behold, there were some wiper blades for sale right on the desk. What the f, you know? I'll take some. And even better, Rain-X was offering a $5 mail-in rebate! SCORE! I could spend that money on 37 gallons of 1954's gasoline!<br />
<br />
So what does Rain-X present me with in the mail? A FUCKING CHECK FOR $10 MADE OUT TO TIRE KINGDOM. Yeah...thanks, Rain-X! I can go get $10 of free work at Tire Kingdom, provided they actually accept it! This is exactly what I signed up for!<br />
<br />
<br />
Not only that, but it expires 180 days from the 2/8/2010 date printed on the check. Tire Kingdom sells TIRES. I just bought TIRES. If my FUCKING TIRES need replaced in 180 days, I have bigger problems than replacing said TIRES. Such as, why did I only get 6 months from these motherfucking tires? Did I spend actual money on these 6-month tires? If so, I should never ever go to Tire Kingdom ever again. Not even for 'free' work.<br />
<br />
So blow me, Rain-X. You said I'd be getting a $5 rebate and then you hit me with this pathetic offering. I'm considering just dropping the check off at Tire Kingdom and letting them have it for free. Because, fuck Rain-X. Fuck Rain-X and everything they stand for. Except removing rain from windshields. I can get behind that one.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-50367096810024764222010-06-03T18:09:00.000-04:002010-06-03T18:09:58.738-04:00Mike Celizic brings me back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCseS2e93vaabhABZf8JJ49aANTB3nG-pk5lCMjukojDKhxsa5u_6ACUUwa3VfuQ0YX63E8YqIp5KWD48qM6fQmbdrGoElu5VoWz0vc3_oRe4BH8-cdIh4u9LoHfnGi2Tp0B4Bvo4m6TR/s1600/hatguy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCCseS2e93vaabhABZf8JJ49aANTB3nG-pk5lCMjukojDKhxsa5u_6ACUUwa3VfuQ0YX63E8YqIp5KWD48qM6fQmbdrGoElu5VoWz0vc3_oRe4BH8-cdIh4u9LoHfnGi2Tp0B4Bvo4m6TR/s320/hatguy.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
As you may have heard, a no-name pitcher from Detroit nearly threw a perfect game yesterday against the Cleveland Indians. Armando Galarraga retired the first 26 batters, bringing up number 27 with the chance to make (recently watered down, but still) history...induced a ground ball that first baseman Miguel Cabrera fielded....threw to Galarraga at first...and the umpire, Tim Joyce, called the runner safe.<br />
<br />
Video showed otherwise.<br />
<br />
So, after Galarraga retired the next batter, there is a bit of an outcry for Bud Selig to change the call.<br />
<br />
Now, whether you think he should or not, if you can't see both sides of this issue, then you're crazy. If you think Bud Selig is an idiot for not changing it, you are insane. If you think changing this call means that Selig now has to change every borderline call in every single game from this point forward, then you are also insane.<br />
<br />
No matter which decision Selig decided to make, people would be all over him for it. Because he's Bud Selig. Selig decided that the call would stand. Mike Celizic decided that this displayed a lack of leadership. Celizic, however, <a href="http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/37494463/ns/sports-baseball/">is clearly insane</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>You should have reversed the call, Bud. For the first time in your irresolute reign as commissioner of Major League Baseball, you could have been a leader.</b><br />
<br />
I don't get it. Sure, Selig may not be the best commissioner in baseball history. But people pile on him like no other sporting executive. Roger Goodell doesn't get this much criticism. So Selig called an All-Star game a tie. Who the fuck cares? It's an exhibition game. Is that not leadership? What should he have done? Do you think whoever was managing the Cubs at that time would have liked seeing Sammy Sosa pitch in an All-Star game? You blew it, Bud. Could have been a leader! Honestly, someone please explain how Selig deciding this case either way shows leadership or a lack thereof. I'll be here all week.<br />
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<b>When you have the ability to correct an injustice, you also have an obligation to do just that. Bud Selig had the ability and the authority to reverse umpire Jim Joyce’s blown call and declare Armando Galarraga the newest owner of a perfect game.</b><br />
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Bud Selig also had the ability to call whoever hit the flyball that Jeffrey Maier caught for a homerun out. He could have corrected that injustice. Replay was pretty clear that it wouldn't have been a homerun. I guess Selig could have called it a double and resumed the game from there. And that would have been INSANE.<br />
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Bud Selig may not want to open the door to commissioner-revised calls. And whether you agree with him or not, you should be able to see where he's coming from. Unless you are Mike Celizic and you like to argue just for the sake of arguing.<br />
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<b>What’s great about this is that the situation is unique. It’s never happened that a pitcher lost a perfect game on the last out because of a clear mistake by an umpire that’s right there on a DVD for all to see. So there is no precedent to break, just one to set.</b><br />
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There is the precedent that commissioners don't change calls retroactively. Who cares how unique it is? A commissioner has never throw the first pitch on opening day with his dick out. Doesn't automatically make it a good idea. <br />
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<b>Correcting Joyce’s call from safe to out would have taken a hit away from <a class="iAs" classname="iAs" href="http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/37494463/ns/sports-baseball/#" itxtdid="22293055" style="background-color: transparent ! important; background-image: none; border-bottom: 1px dotted darkgreen ! important; color: darkgreen ! important; font-size: 100% ! important; font-weight: normal ! important; padding-bottom: 0px ! important; padding-left: 0pt; padding-right: 0pt; padding-top: 0pt; text-decoration: none ! important;" target="_blank">Jason <nobr id="itxt_nobr_3_0" style="color: darkgreen; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 100%; font-weight: normal;">Donald<img name="itxt-icon-77" src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/2_bing.gif" style="border: 0pt none; display: inline ! important; float: none; height: 10px; left: 1px; margin: 0pt; padding: 0pt; position: relative; top: 1px; width: 10px;" /></nobr></a> and an at bat away from Tim Crowe, who got to make the final out after Donald was declared safe. Crowe certainly wouldn't have objected to losing an at-bat that resulted in an out, and Donald shouldn't complain about losing a hit he neither earned nor deserved.</b><br />
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Probably true.<br />
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<b>This was a no-brainer decision, which means Selig was singularly qualified to make it. There were no ramifications other than to correct an egregious injustice and relieve Joyce of the crushing guilt he feels at having blown the biggest call of his life. The game result would remain the same. The score would remain the same.</b><br />
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This is not a no-brainer decision. This is the commissioner stepping in and changing a call. That NEVER fucking happens. Does it? If it does, show me where. Selig absolutely could not win here, no matter which way he decided to act.<br />
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Like it or not, this would set a precedent that is...that is unprecedented. Or something.<br />
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<b>The argument against changing the call is that it lets the night crawlers out of the can. If you correct this call, then you have to correct others, starting with Don Denkinger’s blown call in Game 6 of the 1985 World Series between the Royals and the Cardinals.</b><br />
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Those damn night crawlers. Some people think this may open Pandora's rectangular storage contraption. I disagree. Anyway, if a Douglas Fir falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, can you really detect any decibels? As a wise man once said, give a man a rainbow trout, you'll feed him for...I have no idea where I'm going with this. Who the fuck says night crawlers instead of worms?<br />
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<b>It’s a convenient argument raised by people who can’t bring themselves to do the right thing. After all, baseball has been doing the wrong thing and defending it as tradition for more than a century. Acting against reason is a hallmark of the game.</b><br />
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Yes. You had better hope that you don't suffer a heart attack around people who raise this argument. BECAUSE THEY WILL STAND THERE AND WATCH YOU DIE.<br />
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<b>Football fans have to be laughing themselves silly over this. Their sport has a mechanism to correct bad calls, so this doesn’t happen in football games. It wouldn’t happen in a basketball game, either, where officials can check the replay to determine if a last-second shot is a two-pointer or a three-pointer and whether the player got it off before or after the buzzer.</b><br />
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Yeah, watching an umpire blow a perfect game for a guy who will almost certainly never have this chance again has me LOL-ing.<br />
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<b>But not baseball. Baseball is a game that insists on doing things the old-fashioned way for no good reason other than that’s the way it’s always been done. That’s how the game managed to get to 1947 before it allowed a black to play. It’s why the game tolerated and even encouraged cheating by pitchers for generations. It’s why the game continues its inexplicable and indefensible opposition to replay for anything other than home run calls.</b><br />
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Baseball, football, hell....fucking AMERICA didn't let black people play during this time period, either. Do you think baseball was staging race riots or something? Was it baseball that had whites-only drinking fountains? Was baseball barring black players from attending the same high schools as white players? Black Americans were only allowed to do two things in 1942...shine shoes and play jazz. That's it. So don't blame this blown call on Satchel Paige.<br />
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<b>But the ban on blacks was broken and cheating by pitchers has been eliminated. So saying that this call cannot be changed because baseball has never done such a thing before is not a valid argument. In the old days, the technology didn’t exist. Now it does.</b><br />
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You have to be fucking joking. Now that black players are allowed to play in the major leagues, you can't say that this is a bad idea because it's never been done before? Holy fucking mother of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Shammgod">God Shammgod</a>. He's right...change everything you feel like changing. Black people are now part of the fabric of our great national pastime.<br />
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Also, Celizic railing about baseball being stuck in the past and not catching up with time is absolutely hilarious. Just read the <a href="http://www.firejoemorgan.com/search?q=celizic">first entry here</a>.<br />
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<b>Besides, baseball does have a mechanism for changing results. It’s called the protest, and, while it doesn’t apply to blown calls, the intention of the protest rule — to correct a violation of the rules of the game — is the same. And a protest can change a result. This would not.</b><br />
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Then why don't they protest? <br />
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<b>The good thing about this controversy is that it turns up the pressure on Selig to allow replay on such calls, and the sooner the better. Others have weighed in on that issue, so all I’ll say is that at the same time Selig announces that Donald was out, he should also announce a replay system. I’d give each manager one challenge a game, with a league official in a booth to demand replays of questionable last-inning calls. Do it right and it won’t add appreciably to the length of the games.</b><br />
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I would absolutely love to see what Celizic's thoughts on instant replay were...oh, last week. As I saw written elsewhere...if you weren't for instant replay before but are not strongly behind it...fuck you.<br />
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<b>In any event, umpires aren’t wrong that often. In most games, the replay would never come up. </b><br />
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I bet it would come up almost every single game.<br />
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<b>But that’s for the future. Selig had to break another stupid tradition and reversed this call. It wasn't a matter of exercising his discretion, but of doing his duty to the game.</b><br />
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<div class="textBodyBlack"><b><span id="byLine"></span>It’s not about games that happened last year or last century or in 1985 in Kansas City. It’s about a unique situation that happened yesterday. </b></div><div class="textBodyBlack"><br />
</div><div class="textBodyBlack"><b><span id="byLine"></span>You could have started a new tradition, Bud. Call it “doing the right thing” or “simple justice.” You could even go back to the commissioner’s catch-all explanation for everything: the integrity of the game. </b></div><div class="textBodyBlack"><br />
</div><div class="textBodyBlack"><b><span id="byLine"></span>If this didn't qualify as a matter of integrity, nothing does. </b></div><div class="textBodyBlack"><br />
</div><div class="textBodyBlack"><br />
</div><div class="textBodyBlack">Oh, fuck you, Mike Celizic. Integrity? You have to be joking. Not changing this call shows a lack of integrity? That is absolute balderdash! It's rubbish! Honestly, just like leadership...does integrity even come into play either way here?</div><div class="textBodyBlack"> </div><div class="textBodyBlack">What a bad day to be Budmund F. Selig. </div><div class="textBodyBlack"><br />
</div>Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-90913001320072485802010-05-20T10:30:00.000-04:002010-05-20T10:30:15.593-04:00The NFL thinks that BJs are worse than dog murder!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e20134813b65c8970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e20134813b65c8970c-800wi" width="305" /></a></div><br />
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Ben Roethlisberger happened to hook up with a gold-digging chick without her jealous, vindictive friends and the NFL suspended him 6 games.<br />
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Michael Vick systematically tortured furry little dogs to death after events of his interstate gambling ring and received a 2 game suspension.<br />
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THE NFL IS OUT TO GET THE STEELERS!<br />
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God damn it do I hate this argument. And it's a relatively common argument. "Vick killed dogs and got 2 games, while Ben did nothing and got 6. What the f is up with that? That's not fair". <br />
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I hate it. Hate, hate, hate. Vick lost just about every dollar he had, his career as arguably the most popular player in the NFL and two years of his life to prison, and the fact that Goodell only gave him two games shows that there is some sort of conspiracy? Or that the NFL suspensions are completely out of whack?<br />
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You can make an argument that Sheriff Goodell's suspensions are arbitrary and often not fitting, but don't cite Vick and expect to keep my attention. Vick did two years in jail. He lost almost everything. And now, just because he only got two games on top of that, he got off lucky? You don't think that the two years in prison may have shaken him up a bit? That he could not have been sufficiently mollified to Goodell's liking? <br />
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I'm looking at Vick's suspension as a 34-game suspension. The fact that Goodell obviously weighed in the jail time that Vick was forced to do when determining NFL discipline does NOT show a conspiracy against the Steelers, whether you believe Ben committed a crime or not. Both did some Shield tarnishing. That's what Goodell is looking at. Goodell felt Ben's behavior was out of control and punished him to reign him in. If Vick didn't go to jail, do you think that he would have only been given two games? Please. I bet he would have gotten the full year. Same goes for Donte' Stallworth. If he would have gotten a year in jail, do you think that Goodell still would have added a full year from the NFL on top of it?<br />
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Vick's two games to Ben's six games does not show a lack of fairness. Or a conspiracy. Or a belief that killing dogs is ok while getting BJs in restrooms is absolutely not (or giving, in <a href="http://wendyista.blogspot.com/2009/02/nfler-jamal-anderson-wasnt-just.html" target="_blank" title="THE PROFESSIONAL">Jamal Anderson's case</a>). This is disregarding the probable belief of many that one sexual assault on a human is worse than the electrocution of 100 dogs. Vick did a fuckload of time. Ben did not. The legal system punished Vick for sullying the shield. It did not do so to Ben.<br />
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So you can tell me that the punishments meted out by the NFL are so arbitrary and the guidelines so vague that they do a disservice to the league's image. And that suspending Roethlisberger sets a poor precedent. That I'll listen to. But if you try to tell me that this shows that the NFL puts dog murder on the back-burner behind public indecency, I'll going to tell you to stop. And if you try to suggest that this exposes the NFL conspiracy against the Steelers, then I'm going to walk away.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-33518046863863223272010-05-13T11:56:00.000-04:002010-05-13T14:19:16.044-04:00Pick One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e2013480bdd42f970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e2013480bdd42f970c-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><br />
'Sup, bitches.<br />
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I will preface this by saying I have no knowledge of legal matters and Supreme Court shizz beyond what I read on Wikipedia while bored at work. So, I'll be procrastinating again, going on random Wiki-surfing trips and doing some "tab-jumping" that will lead me on a voyage that hops from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tidal_acceleration" target="_blank" title="Boring stuff">Tidal Acceleration</a> to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rutherford_B._Hayes" target="_blank" title="playaaaaa">Rutherford B. Hayes</a> and I'll walk away from that with a spotty, incomplete knowledge of something I can barely even describe. So keep that in the back...no. Keep that in the front of your mind while reading anything that I write.<br />
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Anyway, I was thinking...all of the Jort-party members and Facebook philosophers were all up in arms about the Unconstitutionality of the Commiecare bill last month, right? The Constitution doesn't give the government the right to make people buy healthcare! The Constitution also doesn't say that you can't rape your dog, but I digress. The Constitutional argument, as I'm told, is that this could be argued as an example of the government infringing all up on state's rights. Which, I guess, seems like it could be a reasonable argument. I'm thinking it would also strike down social security and medicare, but that's another argument for another time.<br />
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BUT, these same people are defending the Arizona law in a newly energized frenzy of SPEAK ENGLISH! However, isn't this the same thing but in reverse? Isn't this a state attempting to regulate a national matter? This isn't between Mexico and Arizona. This is between Mexico and the U.S. Does Arizona have the right to...do whatever it is they are doing to immigrants? I don't even know what they do when they find illegals under this law. Do they send them back to Mexico? Do they kick them out of Arizona? Do they force them to teach Arizonan children how to turn double plays? I'm not sure. Whatever.<br />
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I do think that this Arizona law will be overturned, and I don't think it's exactly like the Federal law. It may be close. But...wouldn't they have to ask everyone for their "papers" to make it Constitutional? If a legal U.S. citizen with a tan goes to Vons supermarket and gets in a fight but cannot produce an ID, he is charged with a misdemeanor, I believe. If <a href="http://layontheice.blogspot.com/2008/10/roll-muslim-tide.html" target="_blank" title="Our next President">Jim from Accounts Payable</a> does the same thing, he likely will not be asked for his ID. So he doesn't get the misdemeanor. That seems like some profiling. AND, the law requiring "reasonable suspicion" of Mexican-ness is quite vague, as a friend has pointed out to me, and is somewhat similar to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kolender_v._Lawson" target="_blank" title="COURTS!">Kolender v. Lawson</a>, which set a precedent for all matters involving liquid strainers. And this is all ignoring the retarded clause that actually gives citizens a vehicle with which to SUE THE FUCKING POLICE if they don't think they are doing a comprehensive job adhering to the policy.<br />
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BUT...f that. I love trainwrecks. And if the right wangers were smart, wouldn't they want this to go to the Supreme Court and hope that their Justices can get it overturned on the state/national matters aspect? Couldn't this then trick the court into having to declare Obamacare as Unconstitutional when it inevitably comes in front of the Court? Would this cause complete anarchy? WOULD MICHELLE BACHMAN FINGERBLAST HERSELF ON THE HOUSE FLOOR?!?!?!<br />
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I'd certainly watch some CSPAN to find out.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-42178616716844009492010-05-04T11:21:00.000-04:002010-05-04T11:45:37.592-04:00Yo Ben...take a break from that film. You might rape somebody again.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2008/07/15/PH2008071503198.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2008/07/15/PH2008071503198.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Pictured is David Cornwell, a former NFL attorney who now has a field of work that involves, well, making problems for NFL players go away. You can <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/07/15/AR2008071502873.html">read about him here</a>. Seems like a bad-ass motherf-er. <br />
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Of course, that would make him a natural to get involved with Ben Roethlisberger's RAPEAPALOOZA 2010, the latest in an annual rapefest put on the Steelers quarterback. He's been working with Roger Goodell to build the terms of Ben's suspension and eventual return to doing what he loves most...missing quick reads on the football field.<br />
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Cornwell wrote a letter to Roger Goodell recently, and the letter was intercepted by <a href="http://m.si.com/news/to/to/detail/2571747/full;jsessionid=6FC588D351B696652A03EFF52E3948E4.cnnsi1">noted slueth Peterfluous R. King</a> of Sports Illustrated (the "R" stands for Reconnaissance). It's down a bit on that page.<br />
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<blockquote>Dear Commissioner Goodell:<br />
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I am confident that we share the same view of the men who play professional football. While the public sees men of extraordinary athletic prowess, rarely is there any acknowledgement of the years of physical and mental preparation or the commitment that is made merely to be in the position to compete on Sundays. This pervasive blind spot tends to cause the public and the media to focus primarily on the football player and not the man who plays football. But, we know better.<br />
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My view is that too often there is an inverse relationship between the player's talent and the man's ability to confront and overcome challenges of life away from the game. I have gotten to know Ben extremely well over the past year. Watching Ben off the field has given me great insight into why he has been so successful on it. Ben's rectilinear approach and his method of analysis -- processing things as a quarterback so that he is in control -- have served him well as a football player, but this singular focus is the primary reason that he is facing the challenges that he currently confronts. Life cedes control to no man.<br />
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Though I could not have predicted these specifics, I am not surprised that Ben is dealing with a challenge of personal development. His passion for football and the remarkable success resulting from his commitment to the game necessarily means that he has compromised his development in other areas. No person has unlimited capacity. I believe that Ben's challenge is to channel some of the energy he has committed to becoming an extraordinary player into becoming an equally extraordinary person.<br />
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While Ben's sexual activities may offend some, anyone would have been hard pressed to predict that Ben's actions would have resulted in such vicious and false allegations. Ben bears exclusive responsibility for the consequences of his choices, but that does not mean that these particular consequences were foreseeable. Whether it is in the privacy of a hotel room or in the more risky environment of a semi-public restroom, a false allegation of rape simply is not within the zone of the foreseeable consequences of consensual sex.<br />
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There are two prongs to the intended effect of discipline. One is to discourage repetition of the offending behavior. The other is to encourage behavior that is more consistent with accepted principles and/or established procedures. What Ben should not have done is abundantly clear. What he should have done differently remains elusive. None of the numerous people with whom I have discussed this matter has offered a tangible alternative to the choices that Ben made other than to suggest that Ben "make better choices" in the future.<br />
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I cannot fathom how a suspension or any other form of traditional discipline will help Ben make a better choice the next time he decides to have consensual sex. The difficulty that Ben had in articulating a distinction between the risks associated with private and semi-public sex is the product of the undeniable similarity between the Reno and Georgia accusations, even though one event occurred in the privacy of Ben's hotel room and the other in a semi-public bathroom.<br />
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As you consider your options, I hope you will focus on an approach that establishes a direct nexus between your response and the issue to which it responds. Whether I am considering these options as Ben's advocate or as the person who has had the privilege of engaging in frank discussions with you unburdened by our professional affiliations, I am unable to discern a link between a suspension and any useful lesson or message that would tend to alter Ben's conduct in the future.<br />
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This is one of the more challenging conduct issues that you have confronted because the fundamental issue does not involve an arrest or criminal charges. This is an issue of lifestyle and the need to develop the tools and a method for addressing the unique challenges and opportunities that flow from the stature and celebrity enjoyed by the men who play football. I trust Ben's private conversation with you gave you a glimpse into the difficulty he had in distinguishing who he is from what he does. The public and media have yet to master this distinction. In considering where all of this will lead us, I take comfort in knowing that Ben is not the first 28 year old man to confront the reality of his actions being inconsistent with his values. Luckily, most of us have the benefit of navigating the treacherous waters of maturation outside of the glare of the media and the public.<br />
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Following a recent disciplinary hearing, you and I discussed privately your commitment to address each case based on its unique set of facts, without regard for the rancor of the public and the press. I know your commitment remains unchanged. We have also discussed my view that under certain circumstances imposing traditional discipline following a meeting between you and a player tends to devalue the impact of your unique qualities as Commissioner. While your authority emanates from the NFL Constitution and Bylaws, your effectiveness is the product of your ability to connect with the men who play the game in a manner that neither of your predecessors enjoyed.<br />
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The nuanced and dynamic nature of the issues that got us here requires an equally nuanced and dynamic response. I look forward to continuing our discussions so that we can structure such an appropriate response.<br />
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Very truly yours,<br />
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DC</blockquote><br />
Let me bold one of these parts for emphasis:<br />
<blockquote><br />
<b>Though I could not have predicted these specifics, I am not surprised that Ben is dealing with a challenge of personal development. His passion for football and the remarkable success resulting from his commitment to the game necessarily means that he has compromised his development in other areas. No person has unlimited capacity. I believe that Ben's challenge is to channel some of the energy he has committed to becoming an extraordinary player into becoming an equally extraordinary person.</b></blockquote><br />
Forget the rest of the letter, a lot of which I actually agree with. When I cockwhip some chick in public, it doesn't make it to TMZ. BUT...the thought that Ben is out bein' all rapey because he's spending so much time in the film room is one of the most asinine things I've ever heard in my life. And I once listened to Glenn Beck's radio show daily. Ben is just...he is not and likely never will be known for his "commitment to the game". He's not Peyton Manning. Or Tom Brady. Or Jerry Rice. Or the ghost of Steve McNair. Or anyone noted for anything even kind of related to commitment and passion and anything like that. You never saw Jon Gruden punching bitches in the face and blaming it on a 20-hour day at the office. Hines Ward never raped anyone with his tiny Asian wang and attributed it to the extreme passion he has for blocking. Santonio Holmes never....well, never mind. Point is, that's not Ben. And even if it were Ben, it would likely be ridiculous.<br />
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I'll buy the concussions theory. That may have some validity and could use some extra study. But saying that Ben Roethlisberger is a tremendous douche because he loves football so much? That repulses the part of my brain that processes information. It legitimately paused while I yelled at it to work and tell me what I had just read. Then it tried to quit and I had to talk it down from the ledge. <br />
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Can football possibly be the only thing that would cause such a condition? We'll call it "Personal Evolution Nearly Impossible Syndrome" (PENIS). Ben cannot be the only athlete or other personality suffering from PENIS, can he? Did Kobe Bryant's PENIS cause him to rape that chick in Colorado? Does somebody like the aforementioned Glenn Beck have such a <a href="http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2009/09/22/glenn_beck_two">history of douchiness</a> because of PENIS? Bill Cowher obviously had some tremendous passion for football...how did he steer clear of PENIS during his career? And when did Ben's PENIS first take hold? How old are you when you learn not to rape? 20? I doubt Ben was all about football during his time at Miami Ohio, but then again, I'm only basing that on just about every anecdote I've ever heard about his time there.<br />
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So play it safe, kids, and take a break from that homework. You wouldn't want geometry to lead to a sexual assault.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-7211938470170918942010-04-12T16:07:00.000-04:002012-07-20T11:02:46.265-04:00PR<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ben, thanks for stopping by today. As I understand, you've had a bit of a hit to your image recently.<br />
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Yeah. It's been a rough couple of months. Ever since I raped that second chick, everybody thinks I'm a rapist.<br />
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You don't say. Well, you've come to the right place. Here at Fuckstick and Jones, we specialize in rebuilding that trust and public image that you've dismantled with your recent actions. We help the media to see the real Ben again. You will be redeemed, Ben. <br />
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You must be Fuckstick.<br />
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Uh...yeah. Anyway, I see you have brought a friend with you.<br />
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Yeah, that's my man Willie Colon. He's my offensive lineman. My right-hand man. Say hi, Willie.<br />
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...he's kind of shy. Anyway, what have you got cooked up for me?</div>
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Well...you've really done a number on yourself, Ben. People absolutely hate you right now. Women are appalled that you're raping them, men are appalled at the low quality of the women that you rape. The men we can worry about later. First step is to get women back on your side.</div>
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That's a great idea. How we gonna do that? Maybe I could do some breast cancer speeches or maybe bake some shit? I could do some kind of charity for battered women. You know, the one Silverback was gonna do if he actually gave a fuck about his public perception. <br />
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Well....that's what we would have suggested last year. But this is your second rape. Most people on their second rape are kind of, you know, in prison. We're going to have to go a step further for you. <br />
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You want me to actually do some community service of some sort? I could donate a lot of money to a woman's charity or something like that.<br />
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Let's just say...this one's gonna hurt you somewhere other than the wallet. I'm glad you brought your friend Willie with you. <br />
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...uh, yeah. I bring Willie everywhere. He makes sure I don't get in any trouble. <br />
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Well, he's obviously doing a heck of a job. <br />
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Ben, would you say that Willie is a good friend? Like, a real good friend? <br />
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Of course, me and Willie are total BFFs. <br />
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And you trust Willie? You have a good enough friendship and enough security to overcome certain...activities?<br />
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Uhhh...what are you getting at? <br />
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We figure there's really only one way for you to connect with these women that are against you even playing in the NFL again. <br />
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What is that? Willie sucks at baking. He's not going to be able to help me there. <br />
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Ben...we need Willie to rape you. <br />
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Whoa, motherfucker! I don't swing that way, bitch! I'm not even under contract right now! <br />
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But Willie, surely you see... <br />
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I don't see shit, motherfucker! Cut him! Trade the motherfucker! I don't recall being asked to rape Dennis Dixon. Fuck. That. <br />
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But Willie, this just might work. And we're total BFFs... <br />
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Man, fuck you! I ain't raping you! I'm not even the rapist here. THAT'S YOU! YOU NEED TO STOP RAPING PEOPLE!<br />
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I told you, Willie, I swear, that was my last rape!<br />
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Willie, this is the only way to salvage Ben's reputation.<br />
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Fuck off, man! Everybody knows he did it. His reputation is irreparable. What's me raping him gonna do? You think this is a media distraction right now? Just imagine until it gets out that the Steelers players are raping each other. I'm supposed to deal with that on the road? Man, fuck this. I'm out of here. <br />
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Come on, Willie!<br />
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*Willie leaves the room*<br />
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Damn it. I figured that might happen. Ben, do you know anyone else who may be alright with this plan?<br />
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I think I got this covered.<br />
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*Pulls out cell phone*<br />
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Yo yo Big Ben, what's goin on my man?<br />
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Hey Jeff, we got a keg down here at.... <br />
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I'll be right there.<br />
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*hangs up*<br />
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You think you can get a keg?Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-91321866458434166562010-03-30T11:35:00.000-04:002010-03-30T12:19:44.573-04:00Rooney II 'fucking thrilled' over new Holmes allegations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_l4qdDcAVfZ-jE2vvGSaRk-123-MF5AdieWuCreIyZgx619AInwnIZW2Uid5xEuAuj-0E7IGUyXgePPKCnlf-r6xuMM6pdO_8_S2TDLQotQlPVaNp1y0ViFTgRblvtDg5qV4uFgqaSq9p/s1600/dude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_l4qdDcAVfZ-jE2vvGSaRk-123-MF5AdieWuCreIyZgx619AInwnIZW2Uid5xEuAuj-0E7IGUyXgePPKCnlf-r6xuMM6pdO_8_S2TDLQotQlPVaNp1y0ViFTgRblvtDg5qV4uFgqaSq9p/s200/dude.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><br />
By Pubes McCafferty<br />
<br />
PITTSBURGH, PA - The usually cold and docile winter in this working-class city has been heating up as of recent over criminal allegations levied against players from its once-proud football team.<br />
<br />
Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes is the latest player to play the role of defendant, as he is the target of a civil suit by a Florida woman claiming that he threw a full glass at her in the VIP section of an Orlando nightclub on March 7, causing a laceration under her eye. She claims that Holmes, along with help from the Orlando Police, used his NFL cachet to dissuade her from pressing criminal charges at the time.<br />
<br />
All of this has team president Art Rooney II livid.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, I'm fucking thrilled about this", Rooney II said sarcastically. "This is fucking great. This is just what we fucking needed right now".<br />
<br />
When pushed for comments on Holmes' upcoming contract negotiations, Rooney II continued with the sarcastic responses.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, let's make him the highest-paid fucking woman beater in this entire fucking league. And that's saying something with all of these dickheads punching their fucking whores all the time. This reflects really fucking well on our league and our team. This is Pittsburgh fucking Steeler football right here". <br />
<br />
"I'm sure Jack Ham is fucking loving this shit", Rooney II continued. "I know Mean Joe Greene is eating this up. This is what those guys built. They intended for the Pittsburgh Steelers to eventually turn into an organized fucking crime syndicate", he said, dripping with more sarcasm as he went along. <br />
<br />
"Rod Woodson's gotta be fucking loving this, too. And the fucking coaching staff. I bet Dick LeBeau's dick is hard over this shit".<br />
<br />
Rooney II then taunted the assembled media for even asking for his opinion.<br />
<br />
"So, now you goatfuckers know what I'm thinking. I'm sure it would have been real fucking hard for everybody to imagine how I'd react to this without actually fucking asking me these retard fucking questions. So, do any of you fucking idiots have anything else you'd like to know? Do you want me to start sucking your dicks just to show how fucking happy I am that my entire team is out raping and fucking woman-beating?".<br />
<br />
Rooney II then stormed out of the room without sucking any dicks. A phone call to a team spokesman asking for further comment was not returned.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-56722306423720517312010-03-25T10:29:00.000-04:002010-03-25T10:29:28.458-04:00Safe Place<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e201310fdc558a970c-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e201310fdc558a970c-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I took a Mensa test a few weeks ago. Half of it was the Wonderlic. Yeah, those 50 questions aren't too hard at all, but the timed aspect makes them kind of ridic. Sure, it's not too hard to find out how long 210 pounds of beef lasts a family that eats 1 2/5 pounds per day. But it is when you have 14 seconds to do it. Ironically, vegetarians usually ace that question. And yes, I realize that that joke wasn't <i>actually</i> ironic. Just wanted to clear that up.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the test was at a branch of the Broward County Public Library system. And I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that this library was MAYBE on par with the library at good old Gateway Middle School in Monroeville, PA. Yes. The school that I went to for 5th and 6th grade has a comparable library to BROWARD FUCKING COUNTY. The actual Monroeville public library blew it out of the God damn water. Goooo, Florida! I wish I had gotten a picture, but the people who showed up at 9:45 am and waited by the doors so that they could get in at 10 and use the computers were some freaking characters. People never cease to amaze me.<br />
<br />
Point is, the above sign was affixed onto the side of the library. And I looked at it and thought, that's kind of strange. I mean, look at it. AND THEN, yesterday, at the gym where I play dodgeball on Wednesday nights, was ANOTHERof these signs! WHAT THE F? Look at that thing? Did Ben Roethlisberger design that? Is this a safe haven for rapists and gropers? Seeing this sign twice at two non-consecutive buildings made me feel like Groper Cleveland. I'll be here all week.<br />
<br />
Seriously, though...for whom is this meant to invoke feelings of safety? Who wants someone to sneak up behind them for a quick interracial groping? I'm positive that at least 20% of sexual assault that goes on in South Florida is a direct result of this "come rape me!" sign. Maybe the next generation of this sign will describe a non-arousal zone and have a picture of a flaccid penis on it. Only you can prevent crotch fires.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-9419330115809035862010-03-23T09:11:00.000-04:002010-03-23T09:11:14.256-04:00JAX<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLGPq22b9TSjaKGS3OYBvVjITiEGE1uVlxzQc3EWMUlYPjMGEw1Z3JChFKvdTQJVlXyyb0Tf7l2ymNZd4dYye76TETBJfCINE4s7Qm2qopk46ZxQvq_ksBi2ijKPNnNHuUqB9GVZtZdEQY/s1600-h/jacksonville-skyline.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLGPq22b9TSjaKGS3OYBvVjITiEGE1uVlxzQc3EWMUlYPjMGEw1Z3JChFKvdTQJVlXyyb0Tf7l2ymNZd4dYye76TETBJfCINE4s7Qm2qopk46ZxQvq_ksBi2ijKPNnNHuUqB9GVZtZdEQY/s320/jacksonville-skyline.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Jacksonville, Florida. Largest city in Florida by population, believe it or not. Almost twice the population of Miami. <a href="http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2010/03/23/weaver-happy-about-jaguars-season-ticket-renewal-rate/">So why can't they fill the stadium up</a>? I mean, they are first rate! As PFT states:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>As the Jaguars try to recover from a season that featured home crowds in the lower reaches of 40,000, owner Wayne Weaver said at the annual meetings in Orlando that he is encouraged by the early sales for 2010, in the wake of last week's initial deadline for season-ticket renewals.<br />
<br />
"<a href="http://jacksonville.com/sports/football/jaguars/2010-03-23/story/jaguars-owner-wayne-weaver-encouraged-strong-season-ticket?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+jacksonville%2FksHE+%28Jacksonville+Jaguars+%2B+Jaguars+News+-+Jacksonville.com+and+The+Florida+Times-Union%29&utm_content=Twitter">I think it came in really well</a>," Weaver said Monday, per Michael C. Wright of the <i>Florida Times-Union</i>. "Our renewal rate is going to be way up compared to the past. We've got a long way to go, but it's moving well."<br />
<br />
As Wright explains it, Friday's deadline applied to the eight-month payment plan, which includes eligibility for various prizes, like a trip to one of the team's road games, where fans might be able to experience the thrill of a full NFL stadium. (Unless the game is in Tampa.)<br />
<br />
The team's official web site currently shows that <a href="http://jaguars.com/fuel/">16,242 season tickets have been renewed</a>, and that 29,418 tickets per game must be sold to avoid local blackouts. Last season, only one of ten home games met the minimum threshold for sales, permitting the contest to be televised locally.<br />
<br />
I've been to Jacksonville Municipal Stadium for a couple of Gator Bowls, and it's a first-rate facility. Jacksonville also is, in our view, a first-rate town. So we continue to be flummoxed by the failure of the locals to fill the place up. It's NFL football, folks -- and with another year or two of 40,000 fans per game, it won't be NFL football for much longer.</blockquote><br />
It seems a lot of people don't understand the demographics of Jacksonville that clearly. Sure, it has a population of 800,000. That's almost three times that of Buffalo and over twice that of Pittsburgh and Cleveland, three places that have no problems filling up a stadium. And two of those places have terrible teams. Much worse than the Jaguars have been over the past few years. The Jags won a playoff game as recently as 2007. So why can't these people go to the game?<br />
<br />
Because those numbers are misleading. Jacksonville has an area about 15 TIMES that of Miami.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacksonville,_Florida">Take a look at Jacksonville</a>. It's the largest city in the lower-48 by terms of land area. It takes up almost the ENTIRE COUNTY. The metro area that has 1.3 million people in it takes up like, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_Jacksonville_Metropolitan_Area">5 counties</a>. It's the fourth largest in the state...behind Orlando. Not even taking into account the economic depression in the area...it's just not that big. <br />
<br />
Let's look at NFL cities and <a href="http://forum.playactionpools.com/index.php?topic=73.0">their metro areas</a>:<br />
<br />
<br />
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</style><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">New York 19.0 <br />
Chicago 9.6 <br />
Dallas 6.3 <br />
Philadelphia 5.8 <br />
Houston 5.7 <br />
Miami 5.4 <br />
Atlanta 5.4 <br />
Washington D.C. 5.4 <br />
Boston 4.5 <br />
Detroit 4.4 <br />
Phoenix 4.3 <br />
San Francisco/Oakland 4.3 <br />
Seattle 3.3 <br />
Minneapolis 3.2 <br />
San Diego 3.0 <br />
St. Louis 2.8 <br />
Tampa Bay 2.7 <br />
Baltimore 2.7 <br />
Denver 2.5 <br />
Pittsburgh 2.4 <br />
Cincinnati 2.2 <br />
Cleveland 2.1 <br />
Kansas City 2.0 <br />
Indianapolis 1.7<br />
Charlotte 1.7 <br />
Nashville 1.6 <br />
Jacksonville 1.3 <br />
New Orleans 1.1 <br />
Buffalo 1.1 <br />
Green Bay 0.3 (112 miles north of Milwaukee 1.5 M)</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">Jacksonville is right at the bottom. I'm not even going to count Green Bay here because they are such an anomaly. And they have, like, a history. I guess both teams share Mark Brunell.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">Jacksonville's metro area takes up 3,700 square miles. Buffalo's takes up 1,600. New Orleans has a comparable area, however, the city itself is about a fifth the area of Jacksonville's. Basically, there just aren't that many people living near Jacksonville's stadium. Combined with the fact that they don't have that much money and that the team is relatively new...I can understand that they can't get 70,000 people to the stadium. That's one-tenth of their people. And I'm not even taking age into account. If New York put one-tenth of their people into the stadium, they'd have to sit about 30 to a seat. Pittsburgh would fill their stadium to almost 4 times it's capacity. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12pt;">What I'm saying is...there probably shouldn't be an NFL team in Jacksonville.</span>Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-9889968360396775512010-03-22T16:44:00.000-04:002010-03-22T16:45:12.726-04:00Bleacher Report experiment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://lloydvance.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/dixon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://lloydvance.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/dixon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I've railed against Bleacher Report quite often recently, it seems. So why not join them?<br />
<br />
I've argued that you can put just about ANYTHING up there and get away with it. So why not test out my theory? Well, I did.<br />
<br />
Registering was surprisingly easy. Name, password, email. I used this email and the name "Tommy Writerson". Yep. It was that easy to register as "Tommy Writerson" and get onto the website right away. I mean immediately. I posted the following article within 20 minutes of registering:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal;">Quarantine: Steelers Should Keep Ben From Leading Dixon To Life of Rape</span></span></b></blockquote><blockquote>By Tommy Writerson </blockquote><blockquote>Pictured is the potential face of the 2010 Pittsburgh Steelers...a Mr. Dennis Dixon. He's so inexperienced that he doesn't even know he's supposed to wear a helmet.<br />
<br />
Assuming incumbent QB and two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback Benjamin Roethlisberger rapes his way into prison this off-season, Dixon will likely be the guy that coach Mike Tomlin goes to at the position. At the very least, he should get the first crack at it. Dixon started in place of the recently concussedRoethlisberger in 2009 in Baltimore, performing admirably but ultimately contributing to the Raven victory with a costly overtime interception.<br />
<br />
That is, if Ben doesn't lead Dixon into a life of rape.<br />
<br />
Ben's case is hovering above the Steelers this off-season like a stormy black cloud, or like some sort of futuristic hovercraft that also has a propensity to rape. However, he has not been charged and is free to participate in off-season workouts with the team.<br />
<br />
They should not allow him to do so.<br />
<br />
Allowing Ben to impart his rape-wisdom onto Dixon at best will not help in the slightest with the young QB's development and will at worstjump start Dixon down a similar path to a life of groping and other wanton sexual advances upon young, vulnerable women.<br />
<br />
It's the same reason teams do not want to bring in either of the Joneses in. Both Pac-Man and Matt have shown flashes of ability in their young, troubled careers, however, there is no telling what the presence of either will do for the other young players on a team's roster. The Bengals took a huge risk on Matt Jones. Will he help teammate ReyMaualuga develop a cocaine addiction? Would, say, the Lions signing Pac-Man result in Calvin Johnson arranging a drive-by shooting against his high school guidance counselor? Only time will tell.<br />
<br />
While Ben has not been formally charged with any crime(s) at this point, he has two sexual harassment/rape accusations against him in nine months and where there is sexually assaulted smoke there is usually sexually assaulted fire. The Steelers can absolutely not allow him to tarnish their potential QB of the future. Quarantine Dennis Dixon from the rapist influences of BenRoethlisberger.<br />
<br />
Or risk Tim Tebow becoming the final hope. </blockquote><br />
And lo and behold, there it was. For a good three hours. I finally received the following message from Bleacher Report:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">Hey Tommy,<br />
<br />
Your article "Quarantine: Steelers Should Keep Ben From Leading Dixon To Life of Rape" was deleted from Bleacher Report, either because it failed to meet the network's <a href="http://email.bleacherreport.com/wf/click?c=vg84l0eAMRJSiCVslq8tlhztuHPb9CuS14CEokyiDg23P6JaQvvkFhb7yN00245bvz4NIeT4vbGt7Qe5cTH%2Fcw%3D%3D&rp=aWFr%2F5W4gdPmm%2Fpcq7d6Bgygc1au0JbZ981biiKD3zyovu5arLMoxv4UuG%2F4mvFq&up=NwWlTtpM3CesnM9jIcqjyenjl81X0rU4Lthh6QFj4E4%3D" target="_blank">Content Standards</a> or because it was a duplicate submission.<br />
<br />
Please note that the deletion does not reflect the quality of the article and should not be taken personally. If you have any questions or concerns about the deletion, please raise them in our Customer Support Community:</span><br />
<a href="http://email.bleacherreport.com/wf/click?c=DvMLQjK7GVJaUwGNb87%2FyQsc1KsfZjXnC4Vt8Lw8yk8L9mHFnDwBJHjR3KDubJYg&rp=aWFr%2F5W4gdPmm%2Fpcq7d6Bgygc1au0JbZ981biiKD3zyovu5arLMoxv4UuG%2F4mvFq&up=NwWlTtpM3CesnM9jIcqjyenjl81X0rU4Lthh6QFj4E4%3D" target="_blank">http://getsatisfaction.com/<wbr></wbr>bleacherreport/</a><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">Best,<br />
<br />
The Bleacher Report Team</span></blockquote><br />
Well it sure as fuck wasn't a duplicate submission, meaning that they must not like articles joking about rape. Or teammates raping with teammates. Or something like that.<br />
<br />
The fact that my drivel was up there for as long as it was says a lot about the website. Sure, they eventually got around to deleting it, but not for a few hours afterwards. It was not put through a submission process even though I was a brand new writer named TOMMY WRITERSON. Nothing. It was just there. And Bleacher Report has some pull, as this is currently the fifth or so result on a Google search for Dennis Dixon:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i647.photobucket.com/albums/uu196/sfswamp/rape1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="375" src="http://i647.photobucket.com/albums/uu196/sfswamp/rape1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i647.photobucket.com/albums/uu196/sfswamp/rape2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="http://i647.photobucket.com/albums/uu196/sfswamp/rape2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
Wow. And this site is actually respected and held in high esteem by some.<br />
<br />
The main reason for this? <a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/364813-what-about-limas-sweed">I read this article today</a>.<br />
<br />
The money quote:<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Before he and the Steelers move too far down that road, I'd like to propose a different solution. After what happened last year with the defense, one of the team's biggest needs is at defensive back. What about Sweed? Everybody says he has all the moves, and he's fast. Also, anyone who saw the AFC title game against the Baltimore Ravens knows he can hit.<br />
<br />
Why couldn't he play corner? . The biggest obstacle I can see is perhaps Sweed wants to be a receiver and nothing else. But I find it hard to believe that the same person who clobbered that forgotten Raven two years ago would turn down a chance to play defense. Best of all no one would really be expecting him to catch passes!</blockquote><br />
Yep. "Let's move Sweed to corner!". For real. That was a legit article. And it was NOT pulled. Yet mine was. I'll try to get some clarification.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-55862902081231215782010-03-19T14:23:00.000-04:002010-03-19T14:23:07.785-04:00Old RBs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://explorepahistory.com/images/ExplorePAHistory-a0l0y7-a_349.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://explorepahistory.com/images/ExplorePAHistory-a0l0y7-a_349.jpg" width="209" /></a></div><br />
Sweet, an old ass running back from Latrobe!<br />
<br />
But that's not what I meant by old. I mean old as in, they are old men. They are over 30! OMG! Old ass men toting the rock. And during my rounds today, I came across an <a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/363780-death-of-the-nfl-running-back">article at Bleacher Report </a>(I don't know why I even bother with that site, but I do) questioning that notion because, well, I mean...Thomas Jones ran for a lot of yards last year and he was old!<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote>The running back used to be the premier position in the National Football League, but in recent years teams have adopted a platoon or running back by committee approach. Not long ago we were talking about Emmitt Smith, Barry Sanders, Herschel Walker, and players of that caliber. </blockquote><br />
Ahhh, yes...Herschel Walker. He of the one season over 270 carries and 1,100 yards. He was the definition of "feature back". But I digress...I get the point. Many more RBs by committee these days, it seems. That is purely anecdotal and I'm not researching it either, because I have THINGS TO DO.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Every year there is a new young running back that breaks on the scene; Chris Johnson, Beanie Wells, and Ray Rice. Those names do not invoke the type of nostalgia, or even excitement for the most part.<br />
<br />
Yes, Chris Johnson had a good season, coming close to breaking the single season rushing yardage record and many exciting runs of 50-plus yards along the way. But none of the players I named have any signature moments that will last for decades, because in the next four years most of them will have diminished playing time or looking for another team.</blockquote><br />
Hmm. Maybe. Quite possibly so. Outside of the part where Chris Johnson doesn't invoke excitement. That's ridiculous. The mere mention of Chris Johnson's name could get Terri Schiavo's dick hard. Saying "CJ" around the elderly is considered more dangerous than yelling "bomb" in a movie theater. Well...it would be if people still went to movie theaters. But you get my point. Chris Johnson is so exciting that I have to go and change my pants. I'll be right back. In the meantime, take it away, "Marcus S" of Bleacher Report:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote>If you doubt this theory, see if you can name the backup running backs for Emmitt Smith, Barry Sanders, Herschel Walker, and Eric Dickerson. But I am quite sure you can name the backups for the former three players I mentioned.</blockquote><br />
Uhhh...no, I can't. But...you want to cite Eric Dickerson and Herschel Walker as players who wouldn't change teams or have diminished roles? Dickerson peaked in his second year. <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/D/DickEr00.htm">Check it out for yourself</a>. He set the NFL record for yardage that season and averaged 5.6 yards per carry, however, he never exceeded 4.6 in that department during the remainder of his career. He was at least a full yard-per-carry worse for the remainer of his career. He ran for 2,105 at age 24 and then exceeded 1,500 yards in a season only twice before he retired, needing NFL-record levels of carries to do so. In fact, he is a perfect argument <i>against</i> what Marcus S is trying to suggest. <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/W/WalkHe00.htm">Same with Walker</a>. Huge peak season at 26, barely anything after being traded to Minnesota. These guys kill your argument, Marcus! <br />
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<br />
<br />
<blockquote>Teams are finding more creative ways to save money and maximize their talent, but to in essence de-emphasize a position across the board is almost unheard of.</blockquote><br />
Yeah, if they don't have players of Walker's or Dickerson's caliber. Chris Johnson had almost 360 carries last year. Steven Jackson is definitely the go-to guy on the Rams. These guys do exist. But when you're the Houston Texans and you have someone like Steve Slaton leading the way, you may mix some other guys in. Look at the <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/teams/nor/1983.htm">1983 New Orleans Saints</a>. They didn't have any Hall of Famers at RB and split carries almost evenly between George Rogers and Wayne Wilson (who?). In fact, they <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/R/RogeGe00.htm">beat Rogers to death</a> in his first year, giving him 378 carries as he rushed for almost 1,700 yards. He only exceeded 300 carries once more in his career, five years later in Washington. You know, maybe more teams do this kind of stuff now, but it really is starting to look to me like it's not some kind of crazy new NFL wizardry. It's been going on for as long as running backs have been getting repeatedly tackled by large men.<br />
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<br />
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<blockquote>This strategy has reached a new level in the past few weeks as Brian Westbrook, former standout running back for the Philadelphia Eagles, LaDainian Tomlinson of the San Diego Chargers, and Thomas Jones from the New York Jets were all cut by their respective teams.</blockquote><br />
Yeah, because they are all old. And they are under contract for a fuckton of money. You don't think that their original teams would have liked to keep them around at lower rates?<br />
<br />
Emmitt Smith finished his career washed up in Arizona. He started to decline much like Tomlinson did, only he was about 2 or 3 years older when it happened. Probably helped that he was running behind an offensive line of Giant Sequoias. Sanders retired at 29. Who knows what would have happened to him had his numbers fallen off and had he been owed like, $5 mil. This isn't a strategy so much as it's admitting that there is a bevy of cheaper, younger, and frankly, better options out there to replace them.<br />
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<br />
<blockquote><br />
If you had to name the top 10 running backs in the NFL a few years ago, all of these players would be in the conversation, but only a few seasons later all of them are looking for a new beginning with a new team.<br />
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There are inherent problems with this philosophy. Sure, any team with a good offensive line can put even a decent running back in there and he will have success. Having an elite running back is not just about running the football; the biggest thing young running backs struggle with is the pass protection and hot reads that are required from the running back position.<br />
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This is of paramount importance because your $100 million dollar quarterback’s last line of defense is most often times the running back blocking for him or catching a dump pass out of the back field. Now, in order to save a little change they want to roll the dice with inexperienced players protecting the backside of your highest paid one?</blockquote><br />
Who cares what you could have said 4 years ago? If you asked me 4 years ago who the best QB was, I wouldn't have said Michael Vick. Although some people may have. And now he's like, 8th string behind Kevin Kolb. If you would have asked me 60 years ago what the coolest new country was, I probably would have said India.<br />
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As far as these RBs being awesome pass blockers, I'll need a bit more info to make that determination. Thomas Jones, in the role of "last line of defense in the form of a dump off pass", had 10 catches last season. He's caught over 40 passes exactly once in his illustrious, Walter Payton-esque career. Speaking of Payton, Marcus, you <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/P/PaytWa00.htm">should have cited Sweetness</a>. He was 30 years old during that great 1984 season and had a hell of a late-career resurgence. <br />
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<br />
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<blockquote>The myth that running backs get burned out at age 30 is a bit of a white lie. What has started to happen is teams migrate to run primarily a passing offense because the Colts, Patriots, and others have been successful with it. This is de-emphasizing the running game, as New England, Arizona, and Indianapolis have never really been known for their running game.</blockquote><br />
It is a white lie smothered in blatant anecdotal evidence. There is so much evidence that this lie is actually truth that anybody who wades into it may actually suffocate. Let's take a look-see.<br />
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<a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/leaders/rush_yds_single_season.htm">Here is a list</a> of the greatest single-season yardage outputs by NFL running backs. Tiki Barber is the only 30-year old in the top 25. Barry Sanders is the only other player in the top 25 who is even aged 29 at the time of their big year. The list is chock-full of 24s, 25s and 26s. Thomas Jones' 2009 season, which Marcus will reference in a bit, is the fourth-greatest single season by a 31+ year old running back in NFL history, going by yardage.<br />
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By yardage, it's tied for THE 121st BEST SEASON OF ALL-TIME.<br />
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One more time. 121st. <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/leaders/pass_yds_single_season.htm">Now let's look at passing yardage</a>.Quite a different story...sure there are some young guys up there, but look at all of the 30+ year seasons. Warren Moon threw for the 10th most single-season yards in history at age 35!!! I don't know if a 35-year old running back has ever even lead his family in rushing yards, let alone all but like, 6 or 7 other NFL players ever. If youth was overrated for a running back, we'd surely see some seasons of at least 30 or so years old popping up on that initial list. But we just don't. Marcus, conveniently, doesn't cite any numbers except:<br />
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<br />
<blockquote>As a result, these teams have not given these running backs the same amount of carries that they had in previous years, so of course their numbers are going to drop. On top of that, teams have started to acquire pass blocking specialists at the offensive line positions, and some of these players are only average run blockers.<br />
<br />
Thomas Jones did more to dispel the myth than anyone else last season; he rushed for over 1,400 yards and 14 touchdowns. This was the best season of his career, and he is 31 years old, so is Jones some type of exception to the rule?</blockquote><br />
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Yep, Thomas Jones. Along with Tiki Barber, John Riggins, Walter Payton, and maybe Ricky Williams and Curtis Martin, exceptions to the rule. I guess it's almost impossible to prove, but the statistics strongly suggest that these guys are exceptions. And they don't get the ball as much because they aren't nearly as good as they used to be. Funny how that works.<br />
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<br />
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<blockquote>His career was average before the past two seasons, and he all of a sudden turns in his rocking chair for a career season? Even with all of that, the Jets still jettisoned him in favor of Shonn Greene, who has yet to play a 16 game season in the NFL.</blockquote><br />
Money, first and foremost. He was commanding a high salary and they had a younger, cheaper guy right behind him that may have ran even better. It's simple. <br />
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<blockquote>I think Greene is a good player, but he does not have the experience of Thomas Jones and has not proven he can make it through an entire season healthy. He fumbled away the game against the Dolphins earlier last season, and had his moments where he was lost in pass protection.</blockquote><br />
I'd like to see one of those moments where he wandered over to the sideline, begging Thomas Jones to tell him who he should pick up on the blitz.<br />
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<blockquote>Jones signed with the Chiefs, taking about a $4 million dollar pay cut in the process. All of these signs point to one truth; Emmitt Smith’s career rushing record will last for decades. No running back for the foreseeable future is going to get the same opportunity to be the featured guy for over 13 years.<br />
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Emmitt Smith ran for a total of 18,355 yards during his 15-season NFL career; LaDainian Tomlinson (who just signed with the Jets) has rushed for only 12,490 yards and is now considered “over the hill.” There is no way Tomlinson will get another 5,000 or 6,000 rushing yards because he will not get enough opportunities to get to that number.</blockquote><br />
LaDainian Tomlinson absolutely would have gotten that opportunity <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/T/TomlLa00.htm">had he not swan-dove off a cliff</a> following the 2007 season. Let's compare his late 20's numbers <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/S/SmitEm00.htm">to those of Smith</a>.<br />
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At 27, he ran for over 1,800 yards and averaged 5.2 yards per carry, scoring a record 27 TDs in the process. He followed that up at 28 by slowing a bit to 4.7 YPC. In the past two years he's fallen to 3.8 and, last year, an abysmal 3.3 yards per carry. But, he didn't get enough carries! He had 292 two years ago and 223 this past season. 223 is wayyyyyyy way way too many carries to give to a guy averaging 3.3 yards per carry. They gave him every opportunity to challenge Emmitt's record in the past two years. He took those 515 carries and turned them into 1,840 yards. Even <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/G/GeorEd00.htm">Eddie George</a> (another perfect case of a guy falling off) thinks that's horrible. Eddie George was ran into the ground just like the old-timers that Marcus noted earlier. He responded with 3.0 yard/carry seasons. <br />
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<br />
Emmitt, on the other hand, did not run like he did in his youth when he got to Tomlinson's age, however, he still produced. During his age 29 season, he took his 319 carries and averaged 4.2 yards per carry with them. The next season at age 30, he received 329 carries because he was still averaging 4.2 yards per carry. That's a full yard better than Tomlinson's age 30 season. That's why Tomlinson won't break his record. Smith fell only to 3.9 and 3.8 yards/carry at 32 and 33 before playing out the string in Arizona. So, when Smith was run out of Dallas, he was STILL performing at a level greater than Tomlinson did in the past two years. So, the plight of LaDainian Tomlinson will have fuckall to do with whether or not some player eventually breaks Smith's yardage record. Also, after Smith's huge 25-TD, 1,700+ yard age 26 Super Bowl season? He never received the same workload again.<br />
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<blockquote>Looking at the statistics, the only active players who have over 10,000 yards are as follows:</blockquote><blockquote>LaDainian Tomlinson (Jets) – 12,490<br />
Edgerrin James (No Team) – 12,246<br />
Fred Taylor (No Team) – 11,540<br />
Jamal Lewis (May Retire) – 10,607 </blockquote><blockquote>(Statistics courtesy of http://www.pro-football-reference.com)</blockquote><blockquote>As you can see, none of them are even close to Emmitt and the only one that has a real shot is LT, but his contract in New York is only for two years and he isn’t the featured guy.</blockquote><br />
I don't even know what the point of that was. Now the purpose of the article is to point out how safe Emmitt Smith's record is? Again, I have no idea why I waste my time responding to Bleacher Report articles, but here I am.<br />
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<blockquote>The NFL running back is now dead or in a state of hibernation depending on how you look at it. Maybe in the next five to 10 years the league will change back to a more balanced set of offenses that once again emphasize the run.</blockquote><br />
The reasons for which have already been covered. Yes, it's a passing league now. I'd also add that there are more young, cheap running backs available that can do an adequate job and that collisions are probably much more violent these days. Players have gotten faster. Players have gotten bigger. Joints have NOT gotten bigger. Knee ligaments have NOT gotten stronger. Science and drugs have helped our musculature skip an way ahead in their evolution, which has not been the case elsewhere in our bodies. At least, that's my theory. Someday I think the rest of our body will evolve and catch-up. But by that time, middle linebackers may be able to shoot laser-beams out of their eyes.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-19385277144427857192010-03-18T11:38:00.000-04:002010-03-19T10:00:35.226-04:00Walmart finally shortens up those check-out lines<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e20120a94ed609970b-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e20120a94ed609970b-800wi" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I'm actually quite disappointed in the Internet for the less-than-stellar image results for "Angry black man". I'm also surprised that it isn't a Wu-Tang song.<br />
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Anyway, race always sells. And me, a white guy from suburban Pittsburgh breaking down all of this blackness for you? Oh man, that's what the Internet is all about. So I'm going to wade right into the middle of this race-fest.<br />
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Sunday evening, <a href="http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Black-people-must-leave-NJ-apf-1749619349.html?x=0" target="_blank" title="Warning: TRAGIC">tragedy struck a Walmart store</a> in beautiful Washington Township, NJ, which is named after <a href="http://www.jetnation.com/JetsWiki/images/2/29/LeonWashington1.gif" target="_blank" title="Leon; he will be a good man">Leon Washington</a>. Everybody was minding their own business, taking advantage of the laws of supply and demand and picking up some <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Business/black-barbie-sold-white-barbie-walmart-store/story?id=10045008" target="_blank" title="This could actually be many times more racist than this story">cheap black Barbies</a>, when a man took over the PA system and racial bigotry ensued:<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">A male voice came over the public-address system Sunday evening at a store in Washington Township, in southern New Jersey, and calmly announced: "Attention, Walmart<ygg:entity id="t4" ref="#hMqEJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity> customers: All black people, leave the store now."</div><br />
Whoa! That's insensitive, random prankster! Walmart's insufficient response suggested that they financed the entire operation.<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">Shoppers in the store at the time said a manager quickly got on the public-address system and apologized for the remark. And while it was unclear whether a rogue patron or an employee was responsible for the comment, many customers expressed their anger to store management.</div><br />
Jeez, black people. What do you want them to do? No crime was committed. It was obviously some rogue customer getting access to the PA system. Do you want them to protect the phones with fingerprint recognition? Do you want free white Barbies? What do you want?<br />
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I know, let's send the media in to blow this whole thing up and really give us an insight into the current state of race relations! That will make everyone happy and we'll all learn a valuable lesson!<br />
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Step one in the media handbook for incidents like these: locate angry black people.<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">"I want to know why such statements are being made, because it flies in the face of what we teach our children about tolerance for all," said Sheila Ellington, who was in the store at the time with a friend. "If this was meant to be a prank, there's only one person laughing, and it's not either one of us."</div><br />
Let me answer that for you, Sheila...because some people think it's funny. Because no amount of racial sensitivity training in the world will stop certain people from thinking it's funny. It's a joke. Worse racial jokes appear in stand-up routines all the time and people freaking ROFL all over the place. We teach our children that white and black people are not different and that we are all human and that we all have rights and that black people aren't going to just rape your children when they get bored and yada yada. Are you suggesting that the culprit in this prank may have learned this joke from his 5th grade teacher? This is not racial intolerance. It's a damn joke. Racial intolerance is when the Washington Township city council says that you have to use a separate water fountain. <br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">Ellington, of Monroe, and her friend Patricia Covington said they plan to boycott the retailer until they're assured the issue has been addressed so it doesn't happen again.</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
The pair said they were stunned when they heard the announcement and initially believed they had misheard it. But once the words sank in, they grew angry.<br />
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"I depended on <ygg:entity id="t5" ref="#hMqEJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity>Walmart for all my needs, because the store has pretty much everything you could want," Covington said. "But until this issue is addressed in a way I'm comfortable with, I can't walk through those doors again."</div><br />
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What in the horsefuck do you want them to do? Provide racial sensitivity training to everyone that walks in the door? Change the passcode on their PA system daily? This is WALMART. Things are cheap there because they pay the employees in Haitian gourdes. So the code is going to get out. The only way to stop this from happening is to only allow black people to shop in the store. Because then, even if they make the same joke, at least it will be coming from another black person.<br />
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But, whatever, Walmart. Gotta satisfy your customers. Your move.<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">Officials with <ygg:entity id="t6" ref="#hMqEJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity>Wal-MartStores Inc., based in Bentonville, Ark., said that the announcement was "unacceptable" and that they're trying to determine who made it and how it happened.</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">"We are just as appalled by this incident as our customers," the company said in a statement. "Whoever did this is just wrong and acted in an inappropriate manner. Clearly, this is completely unacceptable to us and to our customers."</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div>Why? Why are they wasting their time? Let me fix this for you, Walmart, free of charge. This incident happened because some people out there make insensitive jokes. I'm one of them myself. And here's how it happened...the PA system has a code you can press that will allow you access, in case, say, an employee needs to call a manager to the condoms aisle. Well...ok, I know that no one would shop in that aisle in the black Walmart, but you know what I mean. To fix this, you'll have to restrict access to employees only, maybe through some kind of card that needs swiped or maybe through a program that can recognize a voice or maybe through dick scanning technology or something of that sort. And this will cost you some money, but you can make it back by raising the price of black Barbie.<br />
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Otherwise, you will run the risk of this incident repeating itself through copycat pranksters. One great way to ensure this is to keep talking to the Associated Press about it.<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">There have been several past instances of black customers claiming they were treated unfairly at Walmart<ygg:entity id="t7" ref="#hMqEJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity> stores, and the company faced lawsuits alleging that women were passed over in favor of men for pay raises and promotions.</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">In February 2009, the retailer paid $17.5 million to settle a class action lawsuit alleging racial discrimination in its hiring of truck drivers.</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">And the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued the company in May 2009, claiming some Hispanic employees at a Sam's Club<ygg:entity id="t8" ref="#IBCFJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity> subsidiary in California were subjected to a hostile work environment. That suit alleges managers failed to stop repeated verbal harassment, including the use of derogatory words, against employees of Mexican descent.</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div>All many times more racist/sexist/etc than this isolated incident that had fuckall to do with Walmart itself. This kind of reporting is why we all think that Lyle Alzado died from steroids and that Julius Caesar didn't fuck dudes in water fountains.<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">However, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People has said the company has worked hard in recent years to show it cares about diversity.</div><br />
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Yeah, they probably grew tired of being sued all the time. More angry black people, please:<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">Bill Mitchell, a former Walmart<ygg:entity id="t9" ref="#hMqEJNw43RGue9xXXWfsEA"></ygg:entity> employee who was shopping Wednesday at the store, said that he was saddened to hear about the announcement but that "as a black man, I've heard worse things."</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
</div>Yeah, starting with "anything actually hateful". As a white man, I've heard worse things. As a motherfucking human, I've heard worse things. Media, can we find a non-angry black person or would that go against your creed?<br />
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<div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;">As customer Sharon Osbourne, of Williamstown, left the store Wednesday, she called the announcement "appalling, stupid and sad."</div><div class="blockquote" style="margin-left: 40px;"><br />
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</div>Guess not. Listen, black people can be pissed all they want, and maybe I don't get it because I'm not black and can't grow dreads and all that but, I'm gonna say it. Lighten up, black people. Or AT LEAST don't blame Walmart for this one. Save that blame for next month when they pay Mexican employees in flour.<br />
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The reactions by the AP to this story and from the parties involved say more to me about current race relations than any sensitivity class could.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://aofg.blogs.com/.a/6a00d83451c7bb69e20120a94ed609970b-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div>Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-60171283218419025272010-03-16T09:16:00.000-04:002010-03-16T09:18:40.777-04:00More manatee rape<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQo9GmiLrMcEAZV7VuGYV1rsLIO31Po_z3OApPaRE_RHcbqpRmTSq51X1D-HXVdVTYjhLQ5X-cHQTM1TOzHiMkU0s9kgo1XBYyGxH3lpJ_QyJc4huW_9xNcsPZJqgijZrnYhlth4kwqk1Q/s1600-h/manimal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQo9GmiLrMcEAZV7VuGYV1rsLIO31Po_z3OApPaRE_RHcbqpRmTSq51X1D-HXVdVTYjhLQ5X-cHQTM1TOzHiMkU0s9kgo1XBYyGxH3lpJ_QyJc4huW_9xNcsPZJqgijZrnYhlth4kwqk1Q/s320/manimal.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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One mistake I've made here involved linking images directly from Google searches. You know, I'll write something about tits, search Google for tits, use that picture, and then have nothing but hits from people who Google-searched for tits and came disappointed as hell to this site. Probably looking for something like double penetration or jizz lattes or something like that and ending up reading some retarded diatribe about Braylon Edwards.<br />
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Well, one of those mistakes involves manatees. More specifically, <a href="http://layontheice.blogspot.com/2008/06/how-to-rape-manatee.html">manatee rape</a>. That was from June of 2008. Almost two years ago, although it's quite topical as rape is my theme for this month. It makes no sense. I don't know why I wrote it. It probably took all of 20 minutes. It's not very good. Yet, the mere <i>thought </i>of treating a fucked-up sea abortion that is the manatee in any manner outside of revering it as if it sat to the left of Jesus Christ himself opens one up to a vicious berating from one of the Internet's finest. <br />
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The first was from June 28 of that year. From "zeutraca", which refers to an ancient Alexandrian dish consisting of cocktail shrimp covered in zebra pubes:<br />
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<blockquote>Manatees are glorious creatures that should be respected. Had you been more creative with the styles of raping, i might allow you to pat yourself on the back. Not nearly enough creativity went into this.. the RPS was decent. And easier than an alabama teenager? Wow. Pretty easy then,right? Wrong. Lets get off this stereotype that southern states are the slum of the u.s. You are a d bag.. sucks doesn't it?</blockquote><br />
Manatees can suck me. Do you respect all creatures, zeutraca? What do you do for the manatees? Really, what do you do? Anything? Because me drawing MS Paint pictures of raped manatees does fuckall to counter the "save the manatees" efforts. No manatees were harmed in the making of those pictures. They were drawn in paint. And this is obvious, as no manatee looks even half as good as they do in those pictures.<br />
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As far as the Southern states being the slums of the U.S. are concerned...they are. Let's lean on our friend "statistics":<br />
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<table border="0" cellpadding="3px" cellspacing="0" class="body sortable" style="width: 100%;"><tbody>
<tr class="graphHl"></tr>
<tr class=""><td class="td40"># 1 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/MS-mississippi/eco-economy"><b>Mississippi</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class="graphHl"><td class="td40"># 2 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/LA-louisiana/eco-economy"><b>Louisiana</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class=""><td class="td40"># 3 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/NM-new-mexico/eco-economy"><b>New Mexico</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class="graphHl"><td class="td40"># 4 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/DC-district-of-columbia/eco-economy"><b>District of Columbia</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class=""><td class="td40">= 5 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/AR-arkansas/eco-economy"><b>Arkansas</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class="graphHl"><td class="td40">= 5 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/WV-west-virginia/eco-economy"><b>West Virginia</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class=""><td class="td40"># 7 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/KY-kentucky/eco-economy"><b>Kentucky</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class="graphHl"><td class="td40"># 8 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/TX-texas/eco-economy"><b>Texas</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class=""><td class="td40"># 9 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/AL-alabama/eco-economy"><b>Alabama</b></a>:</td></tr>
<tr class="graphHl"><td class="td40"># 10 </td><td class="td155"><a href="http://www.statemaster.com/state/SC-south-carolina/eco-economy"><b>South Carolina</b></a>:</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
That is <a href="http://www.statemaster.com/graph/eco_per_bel_pov_lev-economy-percent-below-poverty-level">from this site </a>and ranks states by percentage of residents below poverty level. However, that is just a quick by-the-book check against the term "slums of the U.S.". Let's look at <a href="http://womensissues.about.com/od/datingandsex/a/TeenPregStates.htm">teenage pregnancy rates by state</a>:<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>States ranked by rates of pregnancy among women age 15-19 (pregnancies per thousand):</b><br />
<br />
<ol><li>Nevada (113)</li>
<li>Arizona (104)</li>
<li>Mississippi (103)</li>
<li>New Mexico (103)</li>
<li>Texas (101)</li>
<li>Florida (97)</li>
<li>California (96)</li>
<li>Georgia (95)</li>
<li>North Carolina (95)</li>
<li>Arkansas (93)</li>
</ol><b>States ranked by rates of live births among women age 15-19 (births per thousand):</b><br />
<br />
<ol><li> Mississippi (71) </li>
<li> Texas (69)</li>
<li> Arizona (67)</li>
<li> Arkansas (66)</li>
<li> New Mexico (66)</li>
<li> Georgia (63)</li>
<li> Louisiana (62)</li>
<li> Nevada (61)</li>
<li> Alabama (61)</li>
<li> Oklahoma (60)</li>
</ol><br />
Obviously, the numbers are biased as well. The reasons stereotypes exist is because they are usually true to some degree. And in this case, they certainly are. Teenagers in Southern states will fuck anything they see regardless of species and probably get it pregnant. And if you are wondering, I live in Florida and I know first-hand just how indescribable the South is. Does that mean that everybody in the South is a pregnant teenager and nobody can read and write? Of course not. But you'd have to not be a complete retard to realize that.<br />
<br />
<br />
Anyway, the real reason for this post is that I received an email alerting me to this comment today:<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote> You are a sick fuck. this is not funny its discusting, do u really have nothing better to do than make up some sick shit about an endangered species. i hope someone rapes you and runs you over with their car you perverted piece of shit. And if u want to post "jokes" than find sumthing at least half amusing that will appeal to someone other than confused an angry hicks. what did your daddy touch you and now your showing your anger through pathedic talentless halfass attempts at cartoons and what you think is witty comments. News flash YOUR NOT FUNNY. you are cruel to even joke about something so vulgar. All jokes are derived from truth so you must be pretty fuck up in the head. honestly animal abuse is something people should burn in hell for and joking about it ...its not much different. Hope you grow up, get a life and go see a shrink or something.</blockquote><br />
Thanks, "Asimian Kortex". Thanks for your wise, misspelled words. It is discusting, and no, I didn't have anything better to do than make up something completely irrelevant about an endangered species. By definition, if anyone has something better they could be doing, they will typically do that thing. And would this have all been ok if it weren't an endangered species? Like, can we rape deer? If only deer swam into the path of boats all the time and endangered themselves, then we could treat them with respect, too. <br />
<br />
I see you mentioned "confused an angry hicks", Mr./Mrs. Kortex. Bad move, as you've already lost zeutraca and all of her pregnant daughters. You also mentioned that all jokes are based on truth (which is so patently ridiculous that it merits it's own topic) immediately after talking about fathers touching their kids inappropriately. So I'm sorry that you had to go through that at a young age...must be a very difficult ordeal to place on the shoulders of a young child. I can see that it also strongly inhibited development in the part of your brain that processes grammatical information. Child abuse is something that people should burn in hell for even joking about. Wait...no, my bad. <i>Animal abuse</i> is. My bad. Child abuse is cool. I keep confusing the two.<br />
<br />
One day I will get a life. I will stop talking about raping manatees with Buicks. I will make a difference in this world, 24/7. I will not sleep as long as there are Philippino children that I could be circumcising for peace. But until that day, fuck manatees and fuck people that worship them, too.<br />
<br />
I hope a manatee date rapes both of you.Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8692653783449636797.post-9690211667669331922010-03-12T09:26:00.000-05:002010-03-12T09:26:37.864-05:00More Tebow jazz<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://blogs.ajc.com/mark-bradley-blog/files/2009/10/tim-tebow-vent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://blogs.ajc.com/mark-bradley-blog/files/2009/10/tim-tebow-vent.jpg" width="215" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Yes, people are still at it. This is the <a href="http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_college_uf/2010/03/tim-tebow-to-the-pittsburgh-steelers-they-could-use-an-image-conscious-qb-after-ben-roethlisberger.html">ORLANDO SENTINEL</a>, a legit newspaper, showing its liberal bias:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="entry-body"> <blockquote>Reports surfaced over the weekend that Tim Tebow would work outt for the Seattle Seahawks and Buffalo Bills, both teams without a long-term solution at quarterback.<br />
But the <a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/357883-with-the-18th-pick-the-steelers-select-tim-tebow">Pittsburgh Steelers might be a great fit for Tim Tebow</a>, which Bleacher Report has pointed out.<br />
Consider the environment Tebow would enter if the Steelers used their 18th selection in April’s NFL draft on Tebow:<br />
<span id="more-3852"></span><br />
*For all of Ben Roethlisberger’s on-field success, a<a href="http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2010/03/tuesday-eye-opener-1/1"> second sexual assault allegation in as many years</a> unveils a troubling pattern in Roethlisberger’s life, innocent or not. Guy’s just not being smart about his career and the positions in which he places himself. Why not draft an image-conscious quarterback such as Tim Tebow who, if anything else, could provide guidance to the two-time Super Bowl winner. It also shows the organization has not taken the Roethlisberger’s situation lightly.<br />
*The Steelers are a hard-nosed team that knows how to win. Suits Tebow’s identity perfectly. He belongs in a winning culture.<br />
*Tebow is similar to Roethlisberger in many ways. Roethlisberger has the much better arm, but they both aren’t considered textbook quarterbacks. They just get the job done. The two could be good for each other.<br />
What do you think? Good fit?</blockquote><br />
<br />
<br />
What do I think? Good fit? Great fit? Similar players? I can't say NO loudly enough.<br />
<br />
- Tebow and Ben are NOT similar in many ways. They are both big guys. That's it. Tebow's a much better runner. But Ben can actually throw a ball. They aren't considered textbook QBs? Maybe not. But in Roethlisberger's case, it's because he can shake a lot of sack attempts at the expense of holding onto the ball too long and making slower reads. In Tebow's case, he is not textbook because HE CANNOT THROW THE BALL!<br />
<br />
- Tebow is not going in the first round. The Steelers would be blowing their first round pick by selecting Tebow here. They aren't going to do that, regardless of how many young boys Tebow circumcises. <br />
<br />
- Tebow "belongs" in a winning culture? Fuck, anybody who goes to Florida is willingly joining a juggernaut. They aren't stumbling upon a decent football program that turns them into winners.<br />
<br />
- Tebow is not going to bring guidance to Roethlisberger. That's one of the dumbest things I've ever read. Ben is going to have his life changed only by a 22-year old kid on an apparent mission trip to Pittsburgh? Fuck and no. Tebow is not "image-conscious". That suggests that he is like a marketing firm that constructs his image in a way that makes him look better than he is. He's just a guy who really loves Jesus and actually leads a morally pious life (for all that we know, at least). Ben is not that guy. Tebow is not going to make him that guy. This would be like thinking your DBs would get faster if they were coached by Deion Sanders. I'd leave that in the hands of the strength and conditioning coaches.<br />
<br />
- Tebow sucks at throwing footballs.<br />
<br />
- The Steelers need a QB that can throw footballs.<br />
<br />
<br />
Look, the Steelers already have Tebow. His name is Dennis Dixon. Dixon is fast. He can run. He came from a college team that won. He is light-years ahead of Tebow at ball throwing. He does not rape. He is better than Tebow. The Steelers do not need Tebow.<br />
<br />
Fuck.<br />
</div>Business Horsehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04642303813842040069noreply@blogger.com1