Accidentally taking meth

Shown in one picture is all-time tennis legend Andre Agassi, a man who could show Kordell Stewart a thing or two about pounding balls.

Also shown is a guy who used meth.

BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE PICTURE!

Yeah, whatever, everyone has heard by now that Andre Agassi used meth in 1987. And, truthfully, I couldn't care less if he used meth, blew priests, fucked goats, paid Ted Haggard in counterfeit money for rimjobs, sympathized with the Taliban, etc. Don't care. So he used meth. So did Stephanie Tanner. And you know yinz all love you some Stephanie Tanner.

However, Agassi writes in his book that he tested positive for meth in 1988 but convinced ATP (the American Tennis People) that he had taken it...accidentally.

AND IT WORKED!

I'm not linking to anything, because that would entail me searching, and I don't feel like doing that. Fuck that. But he said it. And tennis was all like, "oh, ok, that's cool....everybody accidentally takes some meth every now and then".

WTF! Ok, I'm no methspert, but...is that really plausible? Don't you have to like, smoke meth on a big ass spoon with like a butane torch while wearing an INXS t-shirt and sitting in a bathtub full of skim milk? Darryl Strawberry never claimed to accidentally use crack. Rae Carruth never described gunning down his pregnant wife as a "misunderstanding". And while Agassi did...you'd still expect the Tennis Federation to be like, "whoa Ags, you can't just accidentally use meth!". But nooooooooo.They bought it!

This defense never ever worked for me, and I've only used it for far more trivial matters than doin' some meth. So....point, Agassi. There's a real man of genius if I've ever seen one.