Thursday, July 1, 2010

Oh, Florio

Let's check in on the latest opinion piece from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pictured above, Mike Florio.

Last week, Panthers receiver Steve Smith made a bad decision to play flag football with adults.

This week, Giants receiver Steve Smith made a bad decision to play funny man regarding adultery.

In the wake of news that Tiger Woods will pay his ex-wife hundreds of millions in a divorce settlement, Smith (the New York one) had this to say on his Facebook page:  "Big up to Tigers wife all she had to do is open her legs and say 'I Do' and now she's one of the richest people in the world lol."

For starters, his comment isn't humorous.  The bigger problem?  Smith is suggesting that she somehow trapped Tiger in the hopes of cashing in.  But she's not the one who repeatedly and brazenly violated the marital vows; he did.

Tiger's not the victim here.  If he didn't think he could honor his promises to his wife, he never should have gotten married.  Especially when he knew that failure to do so would result in giving her a large chunk of his financial empire.

Holy God, Florio. More sanctimonious drivel.

So...let me get this straight. Steve Smith made the bad decision of...posting something that Florio disagreed with? Michael Vick just shot a guy. Santonio Holmes Twittered about smokin' the ganj. So did a WR from the Florida Gators recently. Darnell Dockett put a video of himself showering on some Youtube-type site. Terry Bradshaw fucked Elena Kagan on Perez Hilton's website twenty minutes after her Supreme Court confirmation hearings. There are much worse and much dumber things going down right now.

But this...this one's the worst. Because Florio doesn't agree with it.

For starters, Mike, YOU don't think it's humorous. I'm not exactly suggesting that Steve Smith should open up for Louis CK during the off-season, but I thought it was slightly chucklesworthy. But..."the bigger problem"? "Smith is suggesting (Tiger) trapped (Elin)"? Why is that the bigger problem? Why is that even a problem? Is he on her legal team? Was she fucking Steve Smith on the side during her marriage? Who the fuck cares? Why do I bother?

And Elin is the victim. But then she got $750 million. Sooooo, sorry if I can't drum up the requisite amount of sadness for her.

Tiger obviously shouldn't have gotten married. Even though adultery isn't a crime, it's not the best look for your public image. And it's gonna cost you. But to suggest that Steve Smith has a problem for making a joke about Elin's now likely diamond-vajazzled nether regions makes me want to jump out of Chris Henry's pickup truck.

Fucking Florio.

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