Thursday, August 6, 2009

I freaking get it, Facebook





I am getting so damn tired of these stupid emails everytime anybody does anything on Facebook that it makes me want to kidnap an 18-year old girl on Spring Break in Aruba. I GET IT. Yes, Jim Thomas also commented on Jen Cocknballs' status, saying "fabulous!", or "I was just there 8 days ago!", or "we should totally have genital intercourse!".

I'm just trying to make a joke, ok? Beth is packing :(, and I'm all like "yeah, try being me, I'm ALWAYS packing!" (I never fail to make that joke on Facebook statuses), and then I have to deal with a deluge of emails about how Ann Jones and Chad Littleballs and Veronica Vagflaps are offering to help and Dave Tigerclaws feels bad for her and Nicole Buttermilk wants to help but can't and Kyle Roethlisholmes got herpes from her lol, and I DON'T CARE. Stop emailing me stupid updates! It's enough to make me NOT want to leave off-color jokes on your status. You've been warned, America.

"But, Vern, can't you just delete the emails?". Yes, I can. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. The point is that I still get legitimately excited when I get an email...it's like when you got real mail as a kid. I see the gmail notifier pop up and I'm like, ohhhh, I have mail! I hope it's something cool like an awesome thing to do this weekend or some chick responding to my Craigslist ad and offering to blow me while wearing an authentic kimono or something cool like that.

But when it's some dude saying "heyyyy!" below me? I don't need to know about that. I can do without it. FIGURE IT OUT, FACEBOOK! Make an algorithm or something, you rich fucks.

5 comments:

Lori said...

lol. I created an email filter for that shit long ago. However, the "packing" joke will never cease to be funny.

Vern said...

Thanks. It doesn't seem like many people get it, though. They probably all think I'm perpetually moving.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I just turned off the Facebook email alerts. I log in to Facebook every day anyway. Getting email from them would just be redundant.

Vern said...

I know, I want to still be notified. Just not about gay stuff. Hence Facebook should develop an algorithm to weed out gay emails.

It's not serious. I don't know anyone named Veronica Vagflaps.

Rage said...

Veronica Vagflaps was killed in a 3-car accident by a drunken, roid-rage driver yelling ethnic slurs, so that shit ain't fucking funny, Vern. You sick fuck.

Just say NO to Facebook...because just like IRL, your friends on there aren't your friends, anyways.