Friday, June 5, 2009

Vince Wilfork is concerned about Vince Wilfork's Earth

Hey y'all, this is Patriots defensive tackle Vince Wilfork here to talk a little sense into you about the rapidly warming climate that we have been seeing in the past decade or so.

Bottom line, we need to protect Vince Wilfork's Earth.

Vince Wilfork isn't out there spraying CFCs or keeping Vince Wilfork's lights on when he isn't home, and you shouldn't be, either. This is going to be a team effort, people...Vince Wilfork can't save the planet by himself. So help Vince Wilfork out.

Think about it...this planet is the only planet Vince Wilfork has, and the same goes for you. Fucking car pool or something, ok? Have you seen how high global sea levels are rising each and every year? A shitload, that's for sure. You may think that 2 or 3 centimeters is not a big deal, but take it from Vince Wilfork, that shit is gonna catch up with us eventually. And Vince Wilfork is not about to be living underwater, so let's get our shit together, ok?

Fuckin' check this shit:

- Average temperatures have risen by 1.4 degrees Fahrenheit since the 1880's. Vince Wilfork does not like to sweat, alright?

- The rate of these temperature increases is rising itself. Take it from Vince Wilfork, this is only going to get worse if we don't address it now. Vince Wilfork can't solve a global crisis himself and he is asking for your help.

- The arctic is a good early indicator of climate change, and it's getting fucked up quickly up there. Vince Wilfork has never been to the arctic, so he needs you eskimos to get your shit together, ok?

- The arctic ice pack is thinning, and the region may have its first ice-free summer as early as 2040. Polar bears and other native creatures are suffering the ill effects of this loss of sea ice. Vince Wilfork has never seen a polar bear but he would be a little sad if they were all to disappear. Vince Wilfork is a huge Coca-Cola fan and has a tremendous respect for polar bears.

- This shit isn't good for coral reefs, as subtle temperature changes really fuck them up. Vince Wilfork attended the University of Miami and knows a coral reef when he sees one. Vince Wilfork wants to continue to see coral reefs.

- Hurricanes and other storms are getting worse with the rising ocean temperatures. Vince Wilfork does not want to see any more people dyin' and shit in hurricanes.

So there you have it, citizens of Earth. Y'all need to pick your games up and help Vince Wilfork save Vince Wilfork's planet, alright?

No comments: