Thursday, March 25, 2010

Safe Place

I took a Mensa test a few weeks ago. Half of it was the Wonderlic. Yeah, those 50 questions aren't too hard at all, but the timed aspect makes them kind of ridic. Sure, it's not too hard to find out how long 210 pounds of beef lasts a family that eats 1 2/5 pounds per day. But it is when you have 14 seconds to do it. Ironically, vegetarians usually ace that question. And yes, I realize that that joke wasn't actually ironic. Just wanted to clear that up.

Anyway, the test was at a branch of the Broward County Public Library system. And I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that this library was MAYBE on par with the library at good old Gateway Middle School in Monroeville, PA. Yes. The school that I went to for 5th and 6th grade has a comparable library to BROWARD FUCKING COUNTY. The actual Monroeville public library blew it out of the God damn water. Goooo, Florida! I wish I had gotten a picture, but the people who showed up at 9:45 am and waited by the doors so that they could get in at 10 and use the computers were some freaking characters. People never cease to amaze me.

Point is, the above sign was affixed onto the side of the library. And I looked at it and thought, that's kind of strange. I mean, look at it. AND THEN, yesterday, at the gym where I play dodgeball on Wednesday nights, was ANOTHERof these signs! WHAT THE F? Look at that thing? Did Ben Roethlisberger design that? Is this a safe haven for rapists and gropers? Seeing this sign twice at two non-consecutive buildings made me feel like Groper Cleveland. I'll be here all week.

Seriously, though...for whom is this meant to invoke feelings of safety? Who wants someone to sneak up behind them for a quick interracial groping? I'm positive that at least 20% of sexual assault that goes on in South Florida is a direct result of this "come rape me!" sign. Maybe the next generation of this sign will describe a non-arousal zone and have a picture of a flaccid penis on it. Only you can prevent crotch fires.


Thomas said...

Broward County may not have any wicked sweet Library's but they do have some ridiculous parks and play grounds. This leads me to believe that the institution for "Kids Who Can't Read Good" has the master plan of making every child born in Broward County a professional athlete who can pay other people born outside the state of Florida who also like nice weather to read for them.

Vern said...

I would certainly agree that a young'n born in Broward County has a better chance of being a pro athlete than they do of being an author.