Tuesday, March 16, 2010

More manatee rape

One mistake I've made here involved linking images directly from Google searches. You know, I'll write something about tits, search Google for tits, use that picture, and then have nothing but hits from people who Google-searched for tits and came disappointed as hell to this site. Probably looking for something like double penetration or jizz lattes or something like that and ending up reading some retarded diatribe about Braylon Edwards.

Well, one of those mistakes involves manatees. More specifically, manatee rape. That was from June of 2008. Almost two years ago, although it's quite topical as rape is my theme for this month. It makes no sense. I don't know why I wrote it. It probably took all of 20 minutes. It's not very good. Yet, the mere thought of treating a fucked-up sea abortion that is the manatee in any manner outside of revering it as if it sat to the left of Jesus Christ himself opens one up to a vicious berating from one of the Internet's finest.

The first was from June 28 of that year. From "zeutraca", which refers to an ancient Alexandrian dish consisting of cocktail shrimp covered in zebra pubes:

Manatees are glorious creatures that should be respected. Had you been more creative with the styles of raping, i might allow you to pat yourself on the back. Not nearly enough creativity went into this.. the RPS was decent. And easier than an alabama teenager? Wow. Pretty easy then,right? Wrong. Lets get off this stereotype that southern states are the slum of the u.s. You are a d bag.. sucks doesn't it?

Manatees can suck me. Do you respect all creatures, zeutraca? What do you do for the manatees? Really, what do you do? Anything? Because me drawing MS Paint pictures of raped manatees does fuckall to counter the "save the manatees" efforts. No manatees were harmed in the making of those pictures. They were drawn in paint. And this is obvious, as no manatee looks even half as good as they do in those pictures.

As far as the Southern states being the slums of the U.S. are concerned...they are. Let's lean on our friend "statistics":

# 1   Mississippi:
# 2   Louisiana:
# 3   New Mexico:
# 4   District of Columbia:
= 5   Arkansas:
= 5   West Virginia:
# 7   Kentucky:
# 8   Texas:
# 9   Alabama:
# 10   South Carolina:

 That is from this site and ranks states by percentage of residents below poverty level. However, that is just a quick by-the-book check against the term "slums of the U.S.". Let's look at teenage pregnancy rates by state:

States ranked by rates of pregnancy among women age 15-19 (pregnancies per thousand):

  1. Nevada (113)
  2. Arizona (104)
  3. Mississippi (103)
  4. New Mexico (103)
  5. Texas (101)
  6. Florida (97)
  7. California (96)
  8. Georgia (95)
  9. North Carolina (95)
  10. Arkansas (93)
States ranked by rates of live births among women age 15-19 (births per thousand):

  1. Mississippi (71)
  2. Texas (69)
  3. Arizona (67)
  4. Arkansas (66)
  5. New Mexico (66)
  6. Georgia (63)
  7. Louisiana (62)
  8. Nevada (61)
  9. Alabama (61)
  10. Oklahoma (60)

Obviously, the numbers are biased as well. The reasons stereotypes exist is because they are usually true to some degree. And in this case, they certainly are. Teenagers in Southern states will fuck anything they see regardless of species and probably get it pregnant. And if you are wondering, I live in Florida and I know first-hand just how indescribable the South is. Does that mean that everybody in the South is a pregnant teenager and nobody can read and write? Of course not. But you'd have to not be a complete retard to realize that.

Anyway, the real reason for this post is that I received an email alerting me to this comment today:

 You are a sick fuck. this is not funny its discusting, do u really have nothing better to do than make up some sick shit about an endangered species. i hope someone rapes you and runs you over with their car you perverted piece of shit. And if u want to post "jokes" than find sumthing at least half amusing that will appeal to someone other than confused an angry hicks. what did your daddy touch you and now your showing your anger through pathedic talentless halfass attempts at cartoons and what you think is witty comments. News flash YOUR NOT FUNNY. you are cruel to even joke about something so vulgar. All jokes are derived from truth so you must be pretty fuck up in the head. honestly animal abuse is something people should burn in hell for and joking about it ...its not much different. Hope you grow up, get a life and go see a shrink or something.

Thanks, "Asimian Kortex". Thanks for your wise, misspelled words. It is discusting, and no, I didn't have anything better to do than make up something completely irrelevant about an endangered species. By definition, if anyone has something better they could be doing, they will typically do that thing. And would this have all been ok if it weren't an endangered species? Like, can we rape deer? If only deer swam into the path of boats all the time and endangered themselves, then we could treat them with respect, too.

I see you mentioned "confused an angry hicks", Mr./Mrs. Kortex. Bad move, as you've already lost zeutraca and all of her pregnant daughters. You also mentioned that all jokes are based on truth (which is so patently ridiculous that it merits it's own topic) immediately after talking about fathers touching their kids inappropriately. So I'm sorry that you had to go through that at a young age...must be a very difficult ordeal to place on the shoulders of a young child. I can see that it also strongly inhibited development in the part of your brain that processes grammatical information. Child abuse is something that people should burn in hell for even joking about. Wait...no, my bad. Animal abuse is. My bad. Child abuse is cool. I keep confusing the two.

One day I will get a life. I will stop talking about raping manatees with Buicks. I will make a difference in this world, 24/7. I will not sleep as long as there are Philippino children that I could be circumcising for peace. But until that day, fuck manatees and fuck people that worship them, too.

I hope a manatee date rapes both of you.


Grumpy said...

I love these morons who can't spell, can't punctuate and don't understand basic grammar. Still, they manage to rant and call you names. Great post. Even I knew you were kidding about raping the manatees. And if you weren't kidding, that's ok too.

nmopiv said...

Is there any way you could put up the Manatee Rape article again. I know you really wouldn't have much reason to keep it saved somewhere, but it was honestly one of the funniest things I've ever read and would love to read through its humor again. Either way, thanks.

price per head said...

a manatee?? after looking at that image, I think that it looks more like... or just put it this way, that image is a little bit phallic LOL