Tuesday, July 21, 2009

So...Ben Roethlisberger raped a chick

Ok, so, let me throw a few things out there. I am not pro-rape. I'm sure rape is no fun, even if it's committed at a really fun place like a waterpark or a Gymboree. I'm not attempting to become the blog that people seek out when they want to read about recent rapes and how awesome they were.

But...I'm still a bit skeptical that this chick was raped.

The ProFootballTalk write-up is located at this link.

So...let's ignore the whole "this happened a year ago...only a civil case...gold digger!" angle. That's the amateur angle, and ever since I took like $10 to put an ad on this page, I've decided that I am certainly not a fucking amateur anymore. I'm a God-damned professional. These words do whatever I tell them to do, almost like I'm raping the freaking keyboard. So I'm going to allow the others to tackle that.

I'm going to focus on the actual raping. I've never raped, but if so...I like to think I wouldn't fuck it up like some drunk dumbass in the basement of a frat house. So let's take a look at the specifics of the case as told by the rapee, Ms. Andrea McNulty.

Roethlisberger showed her the television that was malfunctioning, located in suite's bedroom. Using the remote, she determined that there was no problem with the television or the sound system.

No point here other than mentioning that you sure are a smooth one, Ben.

"Hey nurse, I'm having a hard time jizzing..."

"Ok....let me jack you off and we'll see what the problem is. Hey, you just jizzed!"

"Oh...looks like you fixed me!"

She claims that, as she tried to leave the room, Roethlisberger blocked her path, and that he "grabbed [her] and started to kiss her."

Again, the smoothest. This is probably what Joe Namath was like back in 1970.

McNulty admits that she didn't try to fight Roethlisberger, citing his size and strength. She claims that she "communicated her objection and lack of consent," and that he nevertheless began "fondling [her] through her dress and between her legs."

Hey, you are a big guy, so I'm not going to stop you from raping me...but just remember, I am NOT liking this, ok sir!

Come on now...who just sits there and takes it while they are being raped and not under the influence of any drugs? I'm getting way too rapey on this blog.

She claims that he pushed her onto the bed, and despite her alleged protests he "pulled her underpants off and proceeded to penetrate her."

Now, ok. Again, I'm not experienced in the field of rape. But is it this fucking easy? Just pull 'em off and start penetrating? I have a hard enough time doing that during a consensual encounter. Was she all aroused for this or something? Does her vagina look like a map of Algeria? You can't just pull 'em off and go, right?

McNulty claims that she told him, "You don't want to do this." She also claims that she said, "Please don't," and that she told him she was not on any type of birth control.

You don't want to rape me, Benjamin! Especially since I'm not on birth control!

Come on now. Don't rape me because I'm not on birth control? It just seems so Kobe, since this chick is suing 9 other people and just got out of some psychiatric counseling that she underwent after having a relationship of sorts with a married man and it's just...it's just so Kobe. And I don't think for a second that Kobe raped that chick. Especially since his TV was working fine the entire time.

She claims that he said in response, "Don't worry, I'll pull out," which he ultimately did.

If I ever rape, I'm definitely not going to do it like Roethlisberger. How calm and reassuring..."don't worry, I'll pull out....for you". Ben Roethlisberger is like the Kent Graham of raping.

At that point, he allowed her to get off the bed. McNulty claims that she went to the bathroom, and "tried to pull herself together." When she emerged, she claims that Roethlisberger asked, "There are cameras on this room, aren't there?"

Oh God, Ben. This can't be true. "Hey chick I just raped...are there cameras in the room?"...of course there aren't, Ben! You can't have cameras in the room. But what if there are...are you going to unrape her? This chick is either making this up or Ben Roethlisberger is seriously the world's worst rapist.

She responded by saying, "Yes, there are cameras everywhere."

McNulty alleges that he then seem worried, and that his tone became "stern."

"If anyone asks you, you fixed my television," he allegedly said. "You fixed my television. Now go!"

Did he say that last statement in a renaissance accent? YOU FIXED MY TV! THAT'S IT! I NEVER RAPED YOU EVEN IF IT'S ON CAMERA!

I guess we'll know more about all this as the case progresses and McNulty's other 9 pending lawsuits clear up, but...I'm kind of skeptical. It just doesn't really add up for me. Guess I've got a lot to learn about rape.


Anonymous said...

I loved it and agreed with pretty much everything that you said. What a sketch case. She seems like such a crazy. Well done.

Sybian said...

Keep up this rape talk, and your advertiser is going to pull out