Friday, July 17, 2009

Picking an XBox Live name




So, you want to get on XBox Live, huh? Want to test your motherf-in' Parappa the Rapper skills with Vern, eh? If you are anything like the majority of current XBox Live users, you will do so with one of the fucking gayest usernames possible. How so many people can all achieve such gayness is beyond me, but there it is.

We've seen gay AIM names, sure. But not this gay. Most people had a play on their name or used their age or their hometown or had some variant of the word "princess" in their name, but it still didn't approach the gayness of XBox Live names. And while something like World of Warcraft probably elicited the same gay usernames, it's just not as mainstream as XBox Live, and so I'm not giving it the same standing.

Because XBox Live has some really fucking gay gamertags. Or should I say...GAYmertags!!! HA! Pour that Lolgers in your cup!

It really breaks down into two groups of gays, the Cockloving Mages and the Gay Seven-Year Olds.

The Cockloving Mages consist of all of those people who try too hard to sound all killer and badass, yet, in the end, come off as a sort of goth type that love touching flaccid penises and watching them grow. You know, trying way too hard to sound like an awesome killer of other players.

Examples:

DeathMage
Wizard of Justice
DarkPwnership
RenaissanceNinja
HeartOFWarrior
BlackDeath
SupremeKnight
DormantCobra
Pwner of a Lonely Heart

...ok, that's a lie. Pwner of a Lonely Heart would be a fucking awesome name.


And then there are the kids who yell and scream during the loading sequences with names that are usually just random adjectives thrown in front of a noun.

ToxicHorse
BleedingAIDS
FloatyPigs
StapledCheese
StickyBagel
CancerousFrappachino
ITouchKids

....well, no. Again, the last one would be awesome. Imagine everybody on your team yelling at you that someone is behind you. I TOUCH KIDS! I TOUCH KIDS! I would never stop laughing. Ever. I'd still be laughing even after my grandparents were killed by sharks. And I hate sharks.

So get in the game, homos. There are plenty of good gamertags still available.

3 comments:

wrap around curl said...

Pwner of a Lonely Heart is totally a legit tag. I approve.


I think it's crucial that the tag have either the number 69 or 13.

Vern said...

Where's the 13 come from? I usually use centimeters instead of inches when I make my tag.

Anonymous said...

my ps3 name is Trysomy21