POWERSLAM

 HEY YALL THIS IS ED ORGERON OF THE TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL ME COACH O. OR NOT. BUT IF NOT ILL POWERFUCK YOUR GRANDMOTHER HARDER THAN HURRICANE CAMILLE POWERFUCKED THE RICHELIU APARTMENTS AND ILL DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU WHILE RECRUITING YOUR SON TO PLAY FOOTBALL AT TENNESSEE AND ILL MEGARAPE HIM IN THE FUCKING SHOWER IN FRONT OF THE TEAM. AND TRUST ME NOBODY POWERFUCKS OR MEGARAPES LIKE COACH O. I DONT EVEN TYPE IN ALLCAPS I POWERTYPE!

*Emphasizes last sentence and shatters "!" key*

I GUESS THAT MEANS NO MORE EXCLAMATION POINTS FOR COACH O BUT THATS FINE CAUSE COACH O DONT NEED NO EXCLAMATION POINTS TO EXCLAIM. IM NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT EXCLAIMING THOUGH IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT DRUGS AND MORE IMPORTANTLY NOT DOING DRUGS. KIDS DONT DO ANY DRUGS EXCEPT GOOD DRUGS LIKE STEROIDS. STEROIDS ARE GOOD DRUGS. WHO CARES THAT THEY MAKE YOUR BALLS SMALLER THAT WILL MAKE YOUR DICK LOOK BIGGER AND IF THERES ONE THING COACH O KNOWS ITS THE LADIES AND THAT THE LADIES LOVE BIG DICKS. THATS WHY COACH O GETS SO MANY LADIES BECAUSE HIS DICK SWINGS AROUND LIKE A FUCKING PENDULUM.

*Whips out dick and breaks glass with it*

DID YOU SEE THAT KIDS I JUST BROKE THAT GLASS WITH MY DICK.

*Begins chewing glass, bleeds from mouth profusely*

AND IM MAN ENOUGH TO EAT GLASS MMMMMM GLASSS MMMSMDJDFJSD *choking on own blood* BECAUSE IM MENTALLY ANDMMMMM PHYSICALLYMMMM MMTOUGHMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMM *throws up blood-soaked shards of glass*

SO KIDS FUCK DRUGS EXCEPT GOOD DRUGS AND GET GOOD GRADES AND ALL OF THAT SHIT AND ONE DAY YOU CAN PLAY FOR COACH O HERE AT TENNESSEE. HERES WHAT WE DO AT TENNESSEE EVER SINCE COACH O ARRIVED IN THIS TOWN:

- POWERFUCK EVERYTHING THAT MOVES - YOU KIDS WILL BE GODS ON CAMPUS AND MASTERS AT THE ART OF THE POWERFUCK. YOU WILL LEARN FROM THE BEST, COACH O. I COULD FUCK A BLUE WHALE IN ITS ASS AND MAKE IT BLEED TO DEATH.

*suplexes Volvo*

- DICKSTOMP ALL OPPONENTS - EVERY TEAM THAT DARES CROSS OUR PATH WILL BE DICKSTOMPED INTO NEXT MILLENIUM. OUR DICKS WILL BE LIKE MORTARS AND PESTLES AND WE WILL DICKGRIND THE ENEMY INTO A FINE FAGGOTY DUST THAT WILL BE SNORTED BY FAGGOT PUSSY SOCCER PLAYERS WHO WILL THEN TURN SO FUCKING FAGGYGAY AND START FUCKING EACH OTHER ON THE FIELD WHILE WE SIT BACK AND LAUGH AND JACK OFF UNTIL WE RIP OUR OWN DICKS OFF AND THEN SLAP BEAR BRYANTS GHOST WITH THEM. WE ARE THE TENNESSEE DICKSTOMPERS!

*drinks entire contents of 5-gallon gasoline jug*

- ROPEDICKS - ALL OF MY PLAYERS HAVE ROPEDICKS. YOU WILL LASSO EVERY DICKCRAVING FUCKSLUT ON THIS FUCKING CAMPUS AND SUPERFUCK EACH ONE OF THEM UNTIL THEIR UTERUS LOOKS LIKE MATT SCHAUB. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE FUCKING DO HERE WHEN YOU ARE A TENNESSEE DICKSTOMPER. WE FUCKING SUPERFUCK WITH OUR ROPEDICKS.

SO IF YOU WANT TO BE A FUCKING MAN WITH A GIANT ROPEDICK YOU FUCKING ACT LIKE IT AND MAYBE COACH O WILL COME TO THE DOOR AND FUCK YOUR MOTHER IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE WILL YOU SIGN A LETTER OF INTENT AND YOU FUCKING LIKE IT. BUT DON'T COUNT ON IT PUSSIES.