Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Communication Breakdown

Great idea to have us all over to cook as a bonding experience, Coach Z!

No problem, Max. I think this is really going to help you guys communicate out there on the field. If you can communicate in the kitchen, you can communicate on the football field. Wade Phillips told me that once.

I hope you're right, coach...hey, can someone help me with my helmet?

Chris, you don't need the helmet. We're going to be making Caesar salads.

Alright, guys. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me. Let's see what you guys can come up with in an hour. Remember, communicate!

Alright guys, let's get this started. We'll go with a zone scheme here. Justin, you got the chicken. If there is too much chicken for you to hold, I'll slide over and help you pick up the rest of it. Kemo, make sure you prepare the lettuce. Again, if it gets to be too much, I'll slide over and help you with that. The whole time, Max, you are going to be dicing, ok? That's the most important job, because, like, that's what makes the salad, you know? You have the toughest job here. That's why you are making the big bucks. Trai, you'll be washing the food before we come into contact with it, alright? You should be able to handle that job by yourself, and if you get ahead you can help Justin or Kemo if I'm unavailable. Ok? We have to read the vegetables here.

Got it, Willie.

*begins to prepare chicken*

Let's do this, guys!

*Starts washing lettuce, hands lettuce to Kemo*

*fumbles lettuce*


Don't worry, Kemo, I'll wash it again.

*rewashes lettuce, hands it back to Kemo*

Let me help you with that, Kemo.

*Takes lettuce to Kemo*

Alright, we gotta pick it up, guys.

I've got nothing to dice!

And we don't have crutons or Caesar dressing!

Don't worry about the dressing and crutons, the back will pick that up.

Hey guys, I picked up the things you asked for!

Thanks, Fast Willie!

Willie, that's Ranch dressing! We need Caesar dressing!

Awww, my bad dog.

*trips over self*

Whatever, we don't have time. I still have nothing to dice.

I can't handle all of this chicken!

*chicken slips out of Hartwig's grasp*

I'll help you with that.

No, Max, you gotta dice! I'll help with the chicken!

No one's dicing!

*trips over Max while trying to help Hartwig, falls back into dicing area*

What's all the ruckus?

*accidentally stabbed by knife when Colon falls into it*


Willie, did you just stab Trai?!?!?!??!

It was an accident!


We gotta tell Coach Z!

*Covered in sweat*

Ohhhhh yeahh....oh man this is the good stuff give it to me baby...you go get em Larry....ohhhh God....wait..what the fuck is that noise?

Coach, Trai just got stabbed...what are you doing? Are you jacking it to anime porn?


Then why is your dick out?

Huh? Oh, that, uhhh...my bad! It just slipped out.

It looks like you guys are going to continue to have communication problems, but I've got just the thing for you.

That's right, Coach. With the Verizon family plan, even you oafs can communicate with each other, absolutely free as long as you want on the Verizon network. You know, the one with the best coverage and fewest dropped calls. And all of these people behind me? That's your Verizon network. They can also confirm that your coach was indeed jacking it to anime porn.

Seriously, Coach Z? Anime?

*face gets red*

That's not important. The important thing is that you guys can communicate now. I'd suggest you call a hospital for Trai first.

Good idea.

*dials number on phone*

Justin, you there?

Uhhh, this is Kemo.

Oh. Do you know the number for the hospital?

Nah, man. Try asking Willie.


*Dials again*


This isn't Wille....HURRY UP AND GET ME TO A HOSPITAL!!!!!

God, this is gonna be a long year.


Grumpy said...

Award for most creative analysis of OL problems.

Symo said...

At least they have chicken.