Monday, August 18, 2008

Tropical Hurricane Fay is being a douchecane


Wow! What a letdown! That was the look south today on 95, directly into the lazy eye of Tropical Letdown Fay as it floated around Cuba like a broad. Fay didn't appreciate my taunt and started raining about 5 minutes later, which wouldn't be a big deal if I wasn't rolling with the top down. Actually not a bad way to start the day. It woke me up a bit.

Anyway, I was all jacked up and excited to weather my first hurricane, as the tracking and everything from the weekend had Fay running right over the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale area, bringing with it barely hurricane force winds. 70 mph, bitches! As long as you don't drive a Prius, you wouldn't get blown off the road from those gusts. However, my excitement quickly dissipated last night when the updated track showed Fay barely scraping Laudi with her weak outer bands, bringing nothing but a bit of wind and a lot of rain. Just rain? F-word, man! I'm hitting every F key from F1 through F12, because I am just that F-ing pissed. I just composed a symphony in F Major.

Feel free to sing along.

This was going to be perfect! A small, category 1 storm that PROBABLY (I get it, hurricanes are bad, stock up on flashlights and condoms, etc.) would only do negligible damage to the area, if any. I could finally experience one of these hurricanes that people are always talking about and probably live to tell the tale!

But alas, it was not to be. Tropical Abortion Fay is looking as if it will track to the west, as a buildup of strong weatherstuff will weatherforce it somewhere else or whatever the hell these people are talking about on Accuweather. Right now, it is raining relatively lightly with all things considered and relative to the typical afternoon storms in the area. Looks like it's going to continue raining hard until tomorrow morning, dropping about 5 inches of rain (which is nice, because I prefer to be bigger than the rainstorms) on the area but not keeping anybody from going to work.

So it looks like we'll get nothing of note from Douchecane Fay, and that is just unacceptable, Atlantic Ocean. You can do better than this. But in the meantime, make it rain!


AndSheWas said...

That little ditty was f-key funny.

Boxcar Fritz said...

That's Hurricane Fay Vincent Jr, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

Ryan said...

Looks like you'll just have to go Thailand to experience the brute force of Mother Nature, Vern. And her 8-year-old children on the corner.