No offense to baseball, which I am a fan of, but July and August for me are mainly taken up by anticipation of foosball season. The college season gets underway tomorrow at 7 pm, when Northeastern travels to Ball State to play a game that the coaching staffs won't even watch, and ends after Penn State's first loss due to the fucking joke of a postseason that they have in place. It's going to be nice to see teams playing games with the intention of actually winning them, along with the temperature slowly falling below stifling down here in Cuba del Norte. That's Cuba of the North for you saxophones out there. Or is it anglophones? I'll ask L. Ron Hubbard the next time that I see him.
College foosball is all well and good and all that, but it is nowhere near as orgasmic and delicious as NFL footballs. World class athletes? Check. Coke off of stripper's tits? Check. Boating under the influence? Checkity check yo'self! Holy hell do the NFL players like to get drunk and boat. Like a regular Captain Chaos out there, floating down the river in a fashion that is anything but broadlike. Boating with broads. Wow. That fucking stuff gets me harder than a piece of steel made out of conflict diamonds. They used to call me Diamond Erection, mainly because they found out in my Google cache that I was searching for nude pictures of Diamond Dallas Page, but still, the fact remains that that is what they called me. So suck it. Straight cache, homey!
On top of that, the Penguins will be taking to the ice shortly after to dominate the fuck out of the hapless East before likely losing again to a far superior team from the West, but a brother can dream. I was all set to make a mock stanley cup and ride around in the back of the whip last year before realizing just how freaking awesome Detroit was. Still, Chris Osgood hoists giant penises. That's just gay. Make it rainbow, Osgood. Make it rainbow.
Needless to say, I've been sporting a pretty serious erection lately, and you just hit me up via email or something if you want to see it. I'm about as shy as an NBA player surrounded by Asian chicks. I was getting tired of the stupid Olympics anyway...if I want to see barely-teenaged girls
dressed like they were going to a prom at an aerobics center holding onto a pole, I'd hide in John Mark Karr's basement. Fuck the Olympics. You can't drink PBR while watching some Bulgarian weightlifter trying to supersnatch 301 kilograms. Bring on the fall, wenches!
No comments:
Post a Comment