Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Hurricanes are laying in the Atlantic Basin like a broad

Am I asking for too much, here? I move down to the Ft. Lauderdale-Miami area in winter of 2007, you know, to get away from all of the English speaking people, and up to now, I can't get one God damn hurricane to strike the Florida coast. Just one! I would be happy with a Category 0.5 or something. I just want to see what these damn things are like, and yet, the tropical waves from the Cape Verde islands in Africa are laying all over the Atlantic Basin like broads.

You had like, 12 hurricanes strike Florida in 2005, Atlantic Basin! What the f is up with that? You think these people can withstand hurricane after major hurricane in one single season without dying or having their homes destroyed? No! Spread it out, man! None in 2006, none in 2007, no sign of anything to date in '08...I'm starting to think that Jerry Falwell might have indeed prayed away all of the storms before he died. That water might be over 90 degrees out there, but there just isn't enough sin left for the hurricanes to feed off of. Except, of course, in Mexico and Central America, an area that was hit with two Category 5 storms last year. However, they aren't Amurricans, and therefore God doesn't give a fuck about them. A little known fact...if Jesus were to come back, he'd likely live in Omaha, Nebraska. And he'd be voting for McCain.

And so, I fear another summer will go by without me getting to experience the rush of a whatever-the-hell hurricanes are like or getting to enjoy the resultant 4 days sitting in oppressive heat without electricity. This is not what I signed up for, Governor Crist, and if you need to go out there and suck some dick to make the hurricanes start...well, then you had better go and get your kneepads.

1 comment:

Ryan said...

Anxiously awaiting the first post filed under "Charlie Crist", "AIDS", and "Bestiality"