I encourage most humans to kill themselves

Holy breastmilking fuck, they mated! They finally mated! And they had TWO kids! However, these kids are likely not the only things related to Angelina Jolie to come out of her vagina recently, as this picture of her and her brother shows (yeah, yeah, I know it was a C-Section)...


Whatevs, man. So, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had some twins, which is fine...people are allowed to do that. But why does everyone care, to the point that some magazine deemed it worthwhile to purchase these pictures for $14 MILLION!!! Holy hell do you lay on the Earth like a broad, humanity. Why do you care? Yes, I'm talking to you. Why do you come up with stupid names like Branjolina, or make it such a big deal that they adopted some kid from Laos, and breathe the same air as the rest of us? WHY ARE YOU TAKING UP ALL OF OUR AIR??? Sometimes I wish that the Earth would just kill itself, even if only to give a boost to its record sales.

Some retard from some magazine that I don't care about asked a question that I didn't care about to Brad Pitt. His response?

Pitt adds: "When Ange and I were told we were having twins we burst into hysterics... We didn't see this one coming."

Hmm. I wouldn't have either. Do you know why? Because you are famous? No, douchebag! It's because only one in 32 births are to twins. That is a 3-ish % chance. You are telling me you'd bet against that happening? What logic! You, sir, are absolutely brilliant. Even Shawn Kemp hasn't had enough kids yet to make a pair of twins likely. You've got about the same chance of hitting a number on a Roulette wheel as you do in having twins, however, you don't usually need to wait 9 months in between plays. Unless of course you work in Haiti and need a full year to save up the $20 table minimum, in which case...play on, player.

And weirdly enough, in the end...they are apparently going to donate the picture fee to charity. This means that all of these people that I'd recommend Suppuku to are pretty much the reason that kids in Madagascar are going to be eating for the next year, while the only thing I have accomplished recently was giving a homeless guy in Key West a Busch Light two months ago. Oh well. I bet he had a good night.