Monday, March 23, 2009
The Pope is out of his mind
Ok. I've been busy and lazy and all that over the past week, but I'm not dead. Yet. Should probably be in jail after this past weekend, but that is not a story for the internets.
Anyway, on Friday I was alerted to the fact that the Pope has found a surefire solution to the AIDS crisis in Africa. Hallelujah, right? Score one for organized religion! Giving back to the world. I like it. Religion is doing it's part to fit in with society and offer some benefits. The Pope even offered his complete plan for AIDS-prevention.
Placing a Bible above your erect penis before intercourse.
No. Seriously. Take your pants off, grab a Bible, and hold it there. It will scare the AIDS away.
The Pope seriously just went to Africa and TOLD THEM TO PUT FUCKING BIBLES OVER THEIR PENISES BEFORE THEY FUCK EACH OTHER. Has he lost his damn mind? Has Catholicism actually come to this? Holy mother of God. Jesus Christ himself is probably flipping out and going into full PR-control mode. The Church's anti-condom crusade has reached a new apex of abject stupidity. This man should be arrested. And at the same time, I can't stop rofl-ing about it.
But....I mean, come on. There are people in the world who really believe what the Pope has to say on these subjects. What if some of these people do, too? Two out of every one adults in Africa has some form of the HIV, and now they might run around putting Bibles over their cocks in lieu of condoms. This is great. Go, The Church. But mainly, I just want this to catch on.
Because I want to try it.
Next chick that succumbs to my irresistible charm is getting Bible-dicked. Oh yeah. She's going to be like, "do you have a condom?", and I'm gonna be like, "condoms don't work...but I have the only thing that does...I have to protect myself from your AIDS", and then I'm going to grab a Bible. I'm going to place the Bible over my erect penis and I'm going to allow the AIDS-prevention formula to run it's course. Then I'm going to put the Bible down and see if she still wants to go. I have a feeling I already know the answer.
The article covers this much better than I can. Do yourselves a favor and read it. Wow.
I just hope this isn't a hoax. Pleeeeeease don't be a hoax, Bible-penis story...
EDIT: It's got to be. I can't find a Dr. Emma Bradford or an article other than a reprinted version of this Onion-style article. Sucks. This would have been awesome.