Pick One

'Sup, bitches.

I will preface this by saying I have no knowledge of legal matters and Supreme Court shizz beyond what I read on Wikipedia while bored at work. So, I'll be procrastinating again, going on random Wiki-surfing trips and doing some "tab-jumping" that will lead me on a voyage that hops from Tidal Acceleration to Rutherford B. Hayes and I'll walk away from that with a spotty, incomplete knowledge of something I can barely even describe. So keep that in the back...no. Keep that in the front of your mind while reading anything that I write.

Anyway, I was thinking...all of the Jort-party members and Facebook philosophers were all up in arms about the Unconstitutionality of the Commiecare bill last month, right? The Constitution doesn't give the government the right to make people buy healthcare! The Constitution also doesn't say that you can't rape your dog, but I digress. The Constitutional argument, as I'm told, is that this could be argued as an example of the government infringing all up on state's rights. Which, I guess, seems like it could be a reasonable argument. I'm thinking it would also strike down social security and medicare, but that's another argument for another time.

BUT, these same people are defending the Arizona law in a newly energized frenzy of SPEAK ENGLISH! However, isn't this the same thing but in reverse? Isn't this a state attempting to regulate a national matter? This isn't between Mexico and Arizona. This is between Mexico and the U.S. Does Arizona have the right to...do whatever it is they are doing to immigrants? I don't even know what they do when they find illegals under this law. Do they send them back to Mexico? Do they kick them out of Arizona? Do they force them to teach Arizonan children how to turn double plays? I'm not sure. Whatever.

I do think that this Arizona law will be overturned, and I don't think it's exactly like the Federal law. It may be close. But...wouldn't they have to ask everyone for their "papers" to make it Constitutional? If a legal U.S. citizen with a tan goes to Vons supermarket and gets in a fight but cannot produce an ID, he is charged with a misdemeanor, I believe. If Jim from Accounts Payable does the same thing, he likely will not be asked for his ID. So he doesn't get the misdemeanor. That seems like some profiling. AND, the law requiring "reasonable suspicion" of Mexican-ness is quite vague, as a friend has pointed out to me, and is somewhat similar to Kolender v. Lawson, which set a precedent for all matters involving liquid strainers. And this is all ignoring the retarded clause that actually gives citizens a vehicle with which to SUE THE FUCKING POLICE if they don't think they are doing a comprehensive job adhering to the policy.

BUT...f that. I love trainwrecks. And if the right wangers were smart, wouldn't they want this to go to the Supreme Court and hope that their Justices can get it overturned on the state/national matters aspect? Couldn't this then trick the court into having to declare Obamacare as Unconstitutional when it inevitably comes in front of the Court? Would this cause complete anarchy? WOULD MICHELLE BACHMAN FINGERBLAST HERSELF ON THE HOUSE FLOOR?!?!?!

I'd certainly watch some CSPAN to find out.

Sometimes it snows in February

 

Ok. We've gone over global warming before with the assistance of a Venn Diagram, although for some reason Blogger decided to remove my penis-laden Venn image at the end. That decision leaves me decidedly nonplussed. Hey Blogger...blow me. Or delete my blog. I don't care. Just don't touch my penis images.

Anyways, it has snowed quite a bit. Record snow. In the Northeast United States. In February. And all I'm reading is "where's Al Gore", "30 inches of global warming residue", and "holy fuck it's snowing a lot". Now, there is a lot to be said negatively about Al Gore, not so much as the message is concerned but mainly how he's got quite the vested financial interest in many of these foundations and whatnot that he is largely responsible for creating. I wouldn't care if he were just some hippie that drove around in a flower-painted van extolling the virtues of 'green' energy (of which there are many, many, many virtues regardless of who's right about global warming, but that's a story for a different time and maybe following a different generic energy drink), but he's more than that. I also don't really care if he takes a hybrid car or emits 19,000 pounds of CO2 in a fetus-powered hover-jet. Moving on.

SNOW IS FUCKING RAIN. You don't usually get this much snow because the cold air is not wet enough to make it! It's cold as balls in Barrow, Alaska, yet they received about 0.3 inches of snow during this same time period. Why? Because they are in a desert! Regardless of how cold it gets, it isn't going to snow there because the cold air is too dry to make fluffy blizzard snow. And cold has nothing to do with how much snow you get.

On DC's snowiest day, the temperature recorded was a high of 37 and a low of 32. The average daily high is 45 and the average low is 28. Brrrr! What a crazy occurrence! Two degrees below average on the whole! The next day, however, was 10 degrees below average and also got pounded with snow. BUT, the high was in the 30s and the low was under 20. The next day? 12 degrees below average and not a trace of snow. This leads me to believe that sometime during the day prior, it stopped snowing and got cold as balls. Because the warmer, moister air was moving out. I'm not a weatherologist, but...I mean, come on now. Snow in Washington DC in February does not disprove man-made global God-damned warming. It proves or disproves nothing outside of the fact that it was cold enough to snow and the air happened to be very moist. If anything, the moist February air is probably much, much rarer than days in DC that are cold enough to produce snow. Which leads me to formulate my new theorem...we are suffering Jeff Reed-induced "global moistening".

Every time that drunk kicker pisses in public, there is going to be some evaporation. And that piss-air has to go somewhere. Introduce some kind of weathery El Niño jetstream and you've got Jeff Reed pissing all over metro Baltimore, only this time it happens more than the standard once per year. And there is no amount of young men with families that Ray Lewis can murder to stop it. It's just gonna snow. That's just what it does in the northern US. It snows. If it's cold enough to flurry, then it's cold enough to blizzard. Would people still be asking for Al Gore if it were flurrying?

OMG, socialism!!!

Yeah, you got that one right, kids. That's Mao Zedong, November 2001's Dictator of the Month! Congrats, Mao!

So, as could be expected, the cries of socialism that we heard pre-election are really ratcheting up right now as Obama begins to actually do things in office. Town hall meetings are being flooded with retards absolutely frightened of Obama and clinging to the only thing that they trust, their Glenn Becks. HE'S A GOD DAMNED DIRTY SOCIALIST, I TELL YOU!

No, lady, let me tell you. Ok. First, understand what socialism is. If your dictionary defines socialism as "a 3% income tax increase on the highest bracket along with a public healthcare option", then please, throw that dictionary away. Or just cut a hole in it and use it to transport your meth around. But please, do not use the actual definitions inside of it.

WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SOCIALIST AND ALWAYS WILL BE. We are not a democracy. We are a republic. We have elected leaders. Our checks and balances consist of like, 500 people total in a nation of 275 million. So, if you motherfuckers in Detroit don't like something that Justice Antonin Scalia believes, well...you better hope that Ruth Bader Ginsberg has your back, or else you are completely and wholly horsefucked right in your bankrupt foreclosed asses. We have always had welfare. We have had Medicare. THIS IS NOT FUCKING NEW. You retards are going to have your taxes LOWERED by Obama because you do not make $250 K a year.

Two things here....first, insurance. Health insurance. Public options. "How can private insurers compete with a government option that doesn't have to pay taxes!". Good question. But save it for now and ask it to yourself the next time you send something with FedEx. Or the next time you drive your Nationwide-insured car, eschewing the horrible state-insurance option. Or maybe the next time you fuck some drunk chick with your Trojan-sheathed whiskeydick instead of adhering to the government's abstinence-only policy. Wait, Palin didn't get elected. But still, how can Trojan compete with abstinence? Insurance companies have been accused of collusion in the past and, as profit-based enterprises, the best way for them to make a profit is to deny every claim that they can possibly deny. All the government plan is attempting to do is to keep them honest. Do you really trust the insurance companies? While you may disagree with the option, which is fine, just try not to be convinced that a public option will destroy private insurance and forcefully titfuck the "American Way". It won't.

Staying on the topic of insurance, there is a good economic reason to have insurance. Let's consider auto insurance. You are required to have auto insurance. Because when you hit some douchebag Oregon-liberal right in his gay little Prius, somebody is going to have to pay to fix the little engine on his car that converts flowers into torque. And you can't afford it. That's why you have insurance. Who do you think it is fucking up auto insurance for the rest of us? It's the uninsured. Economics is also behind the reasoning for the law requiring seat belts to be worn. It may be your body, but we don't give a fuck. Because when your dumb ass flies through the windshield, WE have to pay more to keep you on life support. WE have to pay more for all of the surgeries that you are going to require now to reattach your leg.

So, don't give me that "it should be my choice whether or not I have health insurance!" argument. You may believe it, but I don't. Because when you get cancer, do you think we are going to just let you sit there and die? Or, when you get shot, do you think that we are just going to let your uninsured ass bleed to death there on the street? No. The hospital is going to treat you, get stiffed, and the ripple effect following will raise everybody else's health insurance in the end. So why don't we just see if we can insure everybody? If not, the rest of us are paying for your right not to have health insurance. You fucking socialist. So that's my argument when you ask me how we are going to pay for all of this...in the grand scheme of things, I think most current insurance prices will drop. Might I be wrong? Abso-fucking-lutely. I don't know much about economics. However, I will contend that you don't either, because no one does. It's an inexact "science". If one side was right and the other was wrong, we'd have a perpetual cycle of one side fucking up everything they touch and the other bringing it all back together. But we don't have that. Possibly because the only economics those 500 or so in power care about are their own, but that's a different story.

And secondly, socialism. Welfare. Medicare. Food stamps. GET A FUCKING JOB! That's easy for you to say, everybody with a job. Hey homeless guy, get a fucking job! Yeah. I'm sure he actually just turned down a position at Target. I don't want the government taking my money and giving it to these poor ass motherfuckers while they sit around and enjoy the good life in Section 8 housing! Come on, people. First of all, perfect unemployment is not only practically impossible, it's not even recommended economically. Second, is you think sitting around and collecting $200 a month in food stamps is the life, then go do it. Go ahead, cowboy, this is America. You have the freedom. And if you tell me you'd rather not because your patriotic hands would rather sweat and callus and make valves for some employer who most likely doesn't give the slightest fuck about you, I'm going to jizz on your Toby Keith CDs. You do it because you like being able to afford, like, cable. Seriously, man. I actually like Toby Keith. I don't want to have to do this.


(EDIT: Upon second thought, the "partial unemployment is economically recommended" argument is disingenuous for the point I'm making. Sure, it's true, but it doesn't really address welfare recipients so much as it addresses people waiting in the wings and keeping wages reasonable and productivity high.)


And, truly, welfare and its ilk keep those poor motherfuckers from attacking you. If you cut welfare out, you had better have one hell of a security force because these legions of hungry ass people who don't have a single thing to live for know that you have money. And they are coming to your house. Probably with a gun, since there are so many of them out there. Welfare is as much about humanitarianism as it is about assuaging the masses and keeping them complacent. So please, for the good of the rest of us, pay that extra $103 a year or whatever it takes in taxes to keep welfare going.

We have always had socialist tendencies. But we are not truly socialist. In a truly socialist state, yes, you would have public health care. But it wouldn't be an option. You'd just take it. And you'd go to work where the government told you to go to work. And you'd do what they told you to do. And you'd get a monthly stipend. And that's it. The government would control all industry (well, I guess they are kind of getting close to that, actually). You can disagree with some of Obama's policies. Hell, I do myself. I think him and Bush and very similar and don't see how someone could love Bush and hate Obama and vice versa. But don't be a moron about it. Don't bring that weak "but he's a socialist!" stuff in here, because I'm going to get all argumentative and start raising my voice and possibly end up cockslapping you in the face. If your main argument is to vapidly characterize Obama as a dirty commie socialist, I'm going to characterize you as a fucking retard.

Ok. Now let's get back to talking about Vince Young's sadfaces.

Crushing the horseperson dream

The man above is Kansas senator and all-around crazyperson Sam Brownback, who hates abortion with the passion of a hundred ethnic cleansings. Sam Brownback hates abortion so much that he wouldn't even want to abort a gay fetus. Because gay fetuses, although gay, are people, too.

Well, Brownback's latest target are human-animal hybrids, such as mermaids, horsepeople, and birdafricans. And he has a surprise partner in crime...Louisiana democrat Mary Landrieu, who was probably elected solely on the fact that she has a French sounding Cajun name.

Let's get to work.




WASHINGTON – U.S. Senator Sam Brownback today with Senator Mary Landrieu (D-LA) introduced the Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009.

Yeah, I already covered that, but thanks.






“This legislation works to ensure that our society recognizes the dignity and sacredness of human life,” said Brownback. “Creating human-animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism, will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice.”

You know, I get that there are some weird movements (warning: watch yourself on that crazy website) to actually seriously create horsepeople and cowmexicans, but how prominent is this movement? And why do we need to pat ourselves on the back for passing this bill? Was it really hard to convince Congress that "you know, a vote against the Brownback-Landrieu Horsepeople Bill is a vote FOR daughter-raping businesstigers"? What's next? Is Barney Frank going to introduce a bill prohibiting using racial slurs as names for national grocery chains? Maybe David Vitter will introduce legislation curtailing the growing jizz-flinging epidemic. Oh, wait...Oregon already did that.






The Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act would ban the creation of human-animal hybrids. Human-animal hybrids are defined as those part-human, part-animal creatures, which are created in laboratories, and blur the line between species.

Right, horse-people. Lion-grandmas. Grasshopper-fetuses. All handcrafted from stem-cells that were blatantly tortured right in front of God.






The bill is modest in scope and only affects efforts to blur the genetic lines between animals and humans. It does not preclude the use of animals or humans in legitimate research or health care where genetic material is not passed on to future generations, such as the use of a porcine heart valve in a human patient or the use of a lab rat with human diseases to develop treatments.

Or the use of a horse-hoof on a footless person, or a donkey cock on an Asian man. Those uses are still ok.





Brownback continued, “This legislation is both philosophical and practical as it has a direct bearing upon the very essence of what it means to be human, and it draws a bright line with respect to how far we can go in attempting to create new creatures made with genes from both humans and animals.

It's also as retarded as the day is long. Brownback left that part out of the official press release.

Seriously, people? Do we need legislation for this? Not that I really care, but...seriously?






“My background is in agriculture, and for a number of years we have been working with crops and animals to produce a superior soy bean, a superior cow, and so-on. We can genetically engineer safe products and herds that are disease resistant or that possess more desirable attributes. But doing this in plants and livestock is very different than doing this in humans.

"For years I have been using animal genes to grow horsebeans. But I absolutely draw the line at growing people from these beans".






“The issue is that when you make changes in the germ-line, such changes are passed along to one’s offspring. You could make a change now that could be passed along through the gene-pool for the rest of humanity. We do not know what the full effect of this could be, and it could be disastrous.

Yes, because, I mean, you could make people part-peregrine falcon. I don't think that too many people out there think that would be a good idea.






“Tampering with the human germ-line could be the equivalent to setting a time-bomb that might detonate many generations down the line; but once it is set, there is no reversing course.

As opposed to regular time-bombs, in which case after they explode, you can usually just kind of undo it and take it back.

Did he just fucking say "time-bomb"? Who sponsored this bill, Inspector Gadget?







“I am optimistic that our nation we will make a sound choice for the generations to come. Already, in Louisiana last month, Governor Jindal signed legislation into law that would prohibit the creation of human-animal hybrids. That law is modeled after earlier versions of the legislation that we introduce today.”

SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!!!! You just copied Bobby Jindal's horseperson bill.

The only thing I hate more than epically retarded legislation is LAZY epically retarded legislation.

Mainly, I'm kind of pissed that I lost any opportunity to have a future horsecock transplant.



Finally, here is a list of retards:


The following senators are orginal co-sponsors: Senators Sam Brownback (R-KS), Mary Landrieu (D-LA), Jim Bunning (R-KY), Richard Burr (R-NC), Saxby Chambliss (R-GA), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Bob Corker (R-TN), John Cornyn (R-TX), Jim DeMint (R-SC), John Ensign (R-NV), Lindsey Graham (R-SC), James Inhofe (R-OK), Mike Johanns (R-NE), Jon Kyl (R-AZ), Mel Martinez (R-FL), John McCain (R-AZ), James Risch (R-ID), John Thune (R-SD), David Vitter (R-LA), George Voinovich (R-OH), and Roger Wicker (R-MS).


So what did Mary Landrieu really do other than be a Democrat? As a subject of Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal, did she just kind of sneak into the state offices and steal the existing bill? Or was mentioning her in the header just the latest in a stupidly transparent attempt to think that our worthless elected officials are working together in a bi-partisan effort to make lasting, effective legislation? I'm going with the latter.

When we are at a point where a Democrat signing onto a Republican's bill that bans human fucking animal hybrids is considered an important bi-partisan effort, then we have much bigger problems than a few goose-people flying around.

Glenn Beck is the new O'Reilly

Glenn Beck's star sure has risen lately, showing that all you need to do to get huge ratings on TV is promote the most outrageous talking points you can possibly think of. Glenn's talking points center around the possibility that due to the recession (because recessions never happen) which some forecast may become a depression (which never happens), we might spiral into a massive civil because all of the out-of-work lawyers and stock brokers just won't be able to take it anymore and will pick up their muskets. Colbert already lampooned this, so for me to do so would not be fresh, and you know how big I am on freshness. If blogging were a laundromat, I would be the fabric softener sheets laying around everywhere.

Glenn has just become pretty big nationally, but I've hated him for years. He used to be prominently featured on the AM radio station that I received in my car in college, which was honestly the only station that came in. I had AM only radio in Northwest PA. Lovely. Glenn, Billy O, Rush and Hannity all day. And I listened to it. Better than silence. Anyway, Glenn was crazy back then. Then he went to MSNBC or whatever and mellowed, and now he's getting back to his old roots. But he's not even there yet. This guy used to have a "countdown until Michael Schiavo goes to hell" on his radio show. He's an idiot. And of course he guises this as patriotism, because Glenn Beck loves his country enough to pretend to cry over it.

Glenn has started a movement known as the 9/12 project, which states:

"'The 9-12 Project' is designed to bring us all back to the place we were on September 12, 2001. The day after America was attacked we were not obsessed with Red States, Blue States or political parties. We were united as Americans, standing together to protect the greatest nation ever created."

Right, the day after 9/11, when we were all Republicans.

Where do I get that idea? The list of "9 Principles" (there are also 12 values...get it?). Off we go.



1. America Is Good.

Yeah! Way to stick it to the "America sucks horsedick" crowd. Is there any legitimate movement that has a measurable following and is founded upon America licking pubes? Whatever. Point, Beck.

2.	I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
	God “The propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the external rules of order and right which Heaven itself has ordained.” from George Washington’s first Inaugural address.

And it continues...the downfall of the Republican party. People that would otherwise be on board are turned off by the leaders who push God on everybody. More God is not the answer to the Iraq War or to the auto industry bailout. You can pray...that's fine. But you can't make it the center of your policy, or your policies are going to fail harder than this. I'd rather have any other name on that boat, but that's a different story.

3.	I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
	Honesty “I hope that I shall always possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider to be the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man.” George Washington

You are going to be SO honest when you are 83. Why don't you just always try to be as honest as you can be instead of gradually building it up day-by-day? Is there even a grey area here? You are either honest or you are not, for the most part. But hey, lying is bad! If nothing else, Glenn Beck takes crazy stands.

4.	The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
	Marriage/Family “It is in the love of one’s family only that heartfelt happiness is known. By a law of our nature, we cannot be happy without the endearing connections of a family.” Thomas Jefferson

FUCK. This is Glenn Beck's America, kid beaters and swingers, and he's coming for you! Also, the Supreme Court will now be replaced by a stern talking to from Mr. and Mrs. John Fondlesworth from Provo, Utah. For they are the ultimate authority. EVERYBODY GET ON BOARD THE GLENN BECK EXPRESS, NON-STOP SERVICE TO THE YEAR 1736!

5.	If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
	Justice “I deem one of the essential principles of our government… equal and exact justice to all men of whatever state or persuasion, religious or political.” Thomas Jefferson

So, murder's illegal now? Or everybody has to defend themselves in court? Or....nothing changes and we end up sticking with the system we currently have in place? I need you to be a little clearer on this one, Glenn. The current "if you break the law you receive a stern talking to from the Fondlesworths" system is just not cutting it.

6.	I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
	Life, Liberty, & The Pursuit of Happiness “Everyone has a natural right to choose that vocation in life which he thinks most likely to give him comfortable subsistence.” Thomas Jefferson

I guess I agree with this one. That whole "everybody is created equal" thing is just not true...but then again, this kind of flies in the face of number 2. Although this is more of an attempt to blame it on individual people because they chose the wrong vocation. See, Mitch, instead of working at McDonald's, you should have pursued a career as a day-time soap opera star. But you didn't. Moron. Give me some McNuggets.

7.	I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
	Charity “It is not everyone who asketh that deserveth charity; all however, are worth of the inquiry or the deserving may suffer.” George Washington

There are not enough hours in the day for me to explain my thoughts on the "SOCIALISM!" and "COMMUNISM!" fads currently sweeping our country again. But I guess I'll try to keep it short.

WE HAVE HAD AND WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE WELFARE UNDER EVERY MOTHERFUCKING PRESIDENT EVER. Obama is not sending everybody a check. The people that get welfare ARE LIVING IN THE FUCKING HOOD. Are you jealous that they don't have to work and get to sit at home and receive $400 a month? Then do it. You probably wouldn't like it, though...BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE $400 TO LIVE ON. It's not a glamourous lifestyle. And, it keeps these people from breaking into your house.

Now, because we are planning on raising the tax on the highest income earners from 33 to 36%, we are socialist communist terrorists. We are hating the fuck out of America. The fact that we all fall for this stuff all the time shows just how stupid humans as a whole can be. First, we are all convinced that DDT is killing our children. Then we are convinced that George Bush personally flooded New Orleans. Now we think that Obama is a socialist and he's going to show up to your house, take your money and give it to people who don't want to work. He's actually going to give it to...well, people like you, who make less than $250,000.

Do some people just sit around and collect welfare in lieu of working? Sure. But they can only do it for 5 years. And there are 300 million people in the country. You are just going to have to make some concessions here. Hopefully your fragile worldviews are able to remain intact throughout this crisis.

Don't think the government can take your money? Fine. Don't pay your taxes. See where it gets you.

8.	It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
	On your right to disagree “In a free and republican government, you cannot restrain the voice of the multitude; every man will speak as he thinks, or more properly without thinking.” George Washington

Uhhh...my bad. I just woke up from a dream that took like, I swear, 8 years or so to play out. It was a crazy dream, man...we weren't allowed to disagree with the government or anything because it was all un-American and stuff. It was terrible. But I'm glad that I woke up now and I'm allowed to disagree again.

9.	The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.
	Who works for whom? “I consider the people who constitute a society or a nation as the source of all authority in that nation.” Thomas Jefferson

Sweet, but this is America, not Utopia. Government is not going to work for you unless it is comprised of robots programmed to do exactly that. People are people and they are all power-hungry. Look at these fuck-ups on TV...these idiot congressmen and senators, fighting over stuff that no one cares about and making blatant power grabs in bills and giving stupid presentations about stem cells and thinking they are important. These douchebags don't work for us. They work for them. Politics used to be an interest, now it's a lucrative career.



Here. Knock yourself out with the comments. There isn't enough space on the internets to take on even half of them.

F it. I'll take Wordpress's advice

That's right, Wordpress. You go girlfriend. They gave me some advice a few weeks ago, and I told them to go and play with themselves...but things have changed. I just went a whole week without posting anything and then got served by some fake article claiming that the Pope told Africans to use Bibles as condoms, and so now I have come crawling back to Wordpress. First order of business is step one of their list of suggestions...

"Some of the best ideas come from readers. Read through your comments and check for interesting questions, provoking thoughts, or anything that could become a good post topic. Focus particularly on any comment threads that contain a spirited discussion among readers. If it's hot, run with it."

Excellent suggestion, Wordpress. I was busy for so long just completely ignoring everything that was ever said on here, but now I need to make amends with the commenters who have commented and listen to their suggestions. And from that post, Symo essentially asked me to break down the Global Warming debate using only hieroglyphics and a Venn Diagram. So let's do this.

First, we are going to need some hieroglyphics.

We will refer to scientists with beakers of random liquid, because that seems sciencey enough. Let's start the Venn Diagram...the left circle represents the "yes, humans are responsible" side of the argument while the right represents the "it's a natural cycle aspect.




It seems to me that more scientists tend to think that this warming cycle is not natural than think that it is, but you can find some of both arguments and so I'll just go two to one on my Venn. The Venn isn't exactly supposed to be a perfect mathematical representation of the argument.

Next, we'll represent the people, companies, etc. with special interests influencing their minds as opposed to actual data. They will be represented by money.




While Al Gore and others may be making a bit of change by selling carbon credits to morons, I think that most of the moneyed interests want us to believe that global warming is not occurring because the trucks they make get 8 miles to the gallon. So I've put more of them on the "natural-cycle" side. Again, if you want to debate this, you can start your own blog entitled "Responses To Global Warming Debates That Use Venn Diagrams and Hieroglyphics" and see how many hits you get. Probably less than Rihanna got.

Finally, we will represent the millions of people who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about and get all of their info from fellow idiots on TV and radio with penises.




There, I even threw a black one in there for diversity. I bet you that does wonders for my placement on Google search results.

So, that's pretty much it. That right there is the Global Warming debate broken down using a Venn Diagram and hieroglyphics. Can't wait to see what Wordpress has for me to do tomorrow!