Call me Captain Justice

Now y'all know I've had my share of troubles over the past couple of years, and I am well aware that I have no one other than myself to blame. Which is why, as you probably know, I've decided to drop the "Pacman" moniker and all of the trials and tribulations that are unfortunately (but fairly) attributed to it. So, I decided that I will be going by Adam now. My moms is the only one still allowed to call me Pacman without getting a fucking right hook to...I mean, without receiving a stern verbal reprimand from me about respect. To show that I am serious about this, I will remove these sinful dreads that have also come to be associated with attempted murder.


That felt great. I feel like I just lost 20 lbs. of sin. But I don't think that this is enough. And, truth be told, I kind of liked having a cool nickname like Pac. So, I have decided that I do not want to go by Adam anymore. I'd like to announce to the media, the NFL, and, of course, to the fans, that I will be going by "Captain Justice" now. Please, when you write a story about how I was sighted at a strip club at 3 am, say, "Hey, Captain Justice was spotted at a strip club at 3 am last night, likely in an attempt to bring order to the debauchery and chaos that was dollar PBR night". Pacman loves....I mean, Captain Justice loves his occasional PBR. You know, to calm him down.

So kids, if your parents told y'all that y'all weren't allowed to be a Pacman fan, see how they feel about you being a Captain Justice fan. Y'all kids know Captain Justice wouldn't do any wrong. Captain Justice is just tryna bring a little justice to the world, and intercept a couple passes every now and then. Captain Justice done turned his life around, and I just wanted to make y'all aware of that fact. No more making it rain with $30,000 for me. No more shooting at...I mean, no more knowing people who...wait, let's just not mention the nightclub shooting. I mean, that thing that happened in Vegas. Y'all know what I mean. See, Captain Justice can barely even remember what that was about because there was no justice involved. I only deal with peace now, y'all. So, like, Mr. President, if you need an ambassador to West Virginia or something like that, you know where to find Captain Justice.

Hey, it's been real, but Captain Justice has to get out to the practice field, y'all. My life's all about football now. Fuck bitches, get money, ya know? See y'all out on the field.