Friday, June 13, 2008

Lock your doors, or Greg Lloyd is going to kill your entire family

The first rule that you need to know when dealing with Greg Lloyd is that you are never safe. Hell, Greg Lloyd isn't even safe from Greg Lloyd. Second rule is that Greg Lloyd could be anywhere. Greg Lloyd might be in the bushes in your front yard. Greg Lloyd might actually plant bushes in your front yard and then hide in them. So, if you didn't have bushes before, but notice that you do now, you probably have a Greg Lloyd problem to deal with. I would call Dog the Bounty Hunter.

If there is one thing that Dog hates more than shirts with sleeves, it's black people. He'll do his best to eradicate your Greg Lloyd infestation.

However, you should still lock your doors, because you never know when Greg Lloyd is going to decide to enter your house and kill your entire family. He may attempt to break in, so padlock the door. And bar the windows if there is even a hint of a chance of Greg Lloyd being in the area.

Greg Lloyd will also attempt to fuck the exhaust pipe on your Honda Accord. LET HIM. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, attempt to stop Greg Lloyd from fucking your exhaust pipe. Greg Lloyd has killed over far lesser infractions. If you are still concerned about Greg Lloyd penetrating your car, garage it. However, Greg Lloyd may attempt to break through your garage door, which will likely wake up your family. Do not allow Greg Lloyd to know that he just woke up your family, or he will kill them.

Despite having not played football in years, Greg Lloyd has been known to hunt in full uniform.

Motion detecting lights will not deter Greg Lloyd, as Greg Lloyd has been known to attack in broad daylight and really doesn't give a fuck if anyone sees him as he walks into your house and kills your family. The only you can do at this point is pray. I wish you and your family luck.

1 comment:

Blue(Devilyn) said...

I'm terrified. Truly.....FUCKING TERRIFIED AND TERRORIZED BY Greg Lloyd......duh.....who isn't?!!!