Thursday, January 8, 2009
Subway will turn any 6" sub into a salad!!!
I saw this last night when I was getting a sub. At the local Subway.
"Turn any 6" sub into a salad for only $1 more!"
Oh really, Subway? First off, while I'm sure you can turn a vegetable sub into a salad, I mean, come on...it's already a salad. It's a salad sub. A salad placed between two pieces of bread. That's not where salad is supposed to go! Salad is to be found in gay grocery chains like Whole Foods or something in between the tampons and "Sucking Dick for Dummies" books. Fuck salads. Seriously. Take the scene in American Pie where the dude fucks the pie and replace it with a salad, and change the other dude's line to "I hear fucking an unkempt hippie chick is like fucking a ceasar salad. And add croutons if she has herpes". It would be well received, trust me. And then you could end it with some sort of ranch dressing joke. Damn, call a player up Hollywood!
But my main objective here is not to bash salad. When I'm not thinking about fucking plants sometime, I want to go into Subway and ask for a 6" meatball sub. In salad form.
Subway sandwich artisan: "......"
Yeah, that's right motherfucker. Give me a damn meatball salad. Now! Cut up those meatballs, put them on a bed of your cheap lettuce, and sprinkle some fucking carrots on there. Grate the meatballs for all I care. I just want a damn meatball salad. I'M NOT PAYING YOU $4 TO FUCK AROUND, DICKHEAD!!!
I can taste it already. This is going to be delicious.