Monday, January 26, 2009

Don't just go sucking any dick during the Super Bowl

Greetings again, Floridians, from Governor Charlie Crist. As you are likely aware, Super Bowl XLIII will be coming to our great state shortly, bringing an influx of football fans from the rest of the country to the Tampa Bay area. Steeler fans, Cardinal fans and other assorted football people will be arriving shortly to spend the week before the big game. And, if you are like me, you have but one thing on your mind....tons of fresh dick.

The Cardinals come in hot, having cruised through their three playoff games to make it to the Super Bowl. They are a high-octane pass-happy offense led by Kurt Warner...sound familiar? Shades of the Greatest Show on Turf with this team. But Warner's wide receivers this year may be even better than the great ones he worked with in St. Louis, which is probably a very scary thought for Steelers fans. So, please understand the apprehension they may have if you end up sucking one of their dicks.

The Steelers also come in hot, having won their playoff games. Crazy how both teams in the Super Bowl always seem to be on winning streaks. The Steelers have done it old school with their defense while just getting enough offensive production to win. Led by Troy Polamalu and Defensive MVP James Harrison, the Steelers defense is sure to smother the Cardinals passing game to some degree, especially considering that the Cardinals and their fans are just happy to be here. Remember that when looking for dick...the happy Cardinal fans may indeed be your best option.

But please, don't just go sucking any dick. You have no idea where these dicks have been or where they will be going or even what these fresh new dicks may introduce to the area. Don't just go around sucking dicks as you have become accostomed to...please use some discretion when selecting dicks. I know I will, Florida, and I urge you to do the same. And don't get too infatuated with these new dicks, Floridians. After the Super Bowl ends and the new people leave, we'll still be here and all we'll have is each other. Let's not blow the great things we have going on a bunch of exotic new dicks.

Thank you and have a great week.


johnny said...

So you follow up the picture of Ellen with a picture of Crist? Nice use of symmetry, Vern.

Vern said...

I'm surprised he didn't marry her.

johnny said...

As far as beards go, he could have done worse then the cougar that he just got hitched to.