Thursday, February 5, 2009
Go and fuck yourself, Broadcrest Foothill Apartment Homes
You have to be kidding me. I really don't believe this. Barack Obama could fly down to my house in his Hopecopter right now, slide out the red change carpet, hover to my door and personally tell me this and I still wouldn't believe it. I'd be like, Barry, you need to float your ass back to DC and bail out some more dead-end industries with our tax money, because I don't believe a word you are saying.
And then, Barry would swear on the Hope Diamond that "yes, Vern, this apartment complex is trying to charge a chick that was brutally murdered for breaking the terms of her lease. They say she didn't give 'sufficient notice to vacate'". Holy hell...let's just lay out what is going on here. A lady's ex-husband went absolutely crazy and set fire to her sister's house during a Christmas party they were having. He killed seven, including his ex-wife, her sister, and her sister's son. Her sister and her sister's son were the ones who were living in this apartment. They were killed on Christmas. And now, a month later, the apartment complex sends a $2,500 bill to the lady's husband for violating the lease. Are you kidding me? Are you standing there, holding me up at gunpoint, and pissing all over my face? Because I feel piss splashing on my face right now. You better not be pissing on my face.
I have no idea how anybody at this apartment complex can be this heartless and stupid. It has to be an oversight. Really...it has to. I'm now going to write up a letter that says if I get killed I plan on vacating the apartment that day and I'm going to send it to the leasing office. I just can't see how something like this happens. I mean, this is more improbable than the Arizona Cardinals making the Super Bowl and someone actually beating Street Fighter II with Zangeif COMBINED.
So go ahead, Broadcrest Foothill Apartments. Go and fuck yourself long and hard. Here's a list of objects I would recommend fucking yourselves with:
- A rolled up copy of the lease that the woman had signed
- The firehose that had to be brought in to extinguish the fire
- Reggie Bush's Heisman trophy
- One of Debbie Gibson's "Electric Youth" CDs
- A radiation-poisoned bedpost left behind after the Chernobyl explosion
- Barbaro's broken leg
- Anything with AIDS on it
That should be a good start. What a bunch of homos.