Chain Emails!!!!

My fave! I love these. A friend of mine just received one that he had to share, and of course, it's pro-Johnny Mac (actually, it's just anti-Obama). Also a tad bit racist, but hey, racism can be fun. So I'll allow it.

--------------------------------------------

Jack Wheeler is a brilliant man who was the author of Reagan's
strategy to break the back of the Soviet Union with the star wars race
and expose their inner weakness.
For years he wrote a weekly intelligence update that was extremely
interesting and well structured and informed. He
consults(ed) with several mega corporations on global trends and the
future, etc. I think he is in semi-retirement now.
He is a true patriot with a no-nonsense approach to everything. He is
also a somewhat well known mountain climber and adventurer.


Written by Dr. Jack Wheeler

The O-man, Barack Hussein Obama, is an eloquently tailored empty
suit.
No resume, no accomplishments, no experience, no original ideas, no
understanding of how the economy works, no understanding of how the
world works, nothing but abstract empty rhetoric devoid of real
substance.

He has no real identity. He is half-white, which he rejects. The rest
of him is mostly Arab, which he hides but is disclosed by his
non-African Arabic surname and his Arabic first and middle names as a
way to triply proclaim his Arabic parentage to people in Kenya . Only
a small part of him is African Black from his Luo grandmother, which
he pretends he is exclusively.

What he isn't, not a genetic drop of, is 'African-American,' the
descendant of enslaved Africans brought to America chained in slave
ships. He hasn't a single ancestor who was a slave. Instead, his Arab
ancestors were slave owners. Slave-trading was the main Arab business
in East Africa for centuries until the British ended it.

Let that sink in: Obama is not the descendant of slaves, he is the
descendant of slave owners. Thus he makes the perfect Liberal Messiah.

It's something Hillary doesn't understand - how some complete
neophyte
came out of the blue and stole the Dem nomination from her.
Obamamania is beyond politics and reason. It is a true religious
cult, whose adherents reject Christianity yet still believe in
Original Sin, transferring it from the evil of being human to the evil
of being white.

Thus Obama has become the white liberals' Christ, offering absolution
from the Sin of Being White. There is no reason or logic behind it, no
faults or flaws of his can diminish it, no arguments Hillary could
make of any kind can be effective against it. The absurdity of
Hypocrisy Clothed In Human Flesh being their Savior is all the more
cause for liberals to worship him: Credo quia absurdum, I believe it
because it is absurd.

Thank heavens that the voting majority of Americans remain Christian
and are in no desperate need of a phony savior.
His candidacy is ridiculous and should not be taken seriously by any
thinking American.

---------------------------------------------

Thank you, Captain Jack Wheeler! Doctor Wheeler! Drrrrrrrwheelerrrrr!

Obama is my Christ. Obama is OUR Christ, which means we must capitalize He when referring to Him! YAY! Captain Jack has really enlightened my light bulbs. And so, I must share with you this, dictated by a friend of mine through a social worker. His name is Gunpowder Jones, and you can experience his hot fire at his website.

----------------------------------------------

Professor Gunpowder Jones is an intelligent man. He is the driving force behind one of the largest bear safety programs in the country and also helped popularize the use of the acronym 'OMG' amongst the lesbian community. But if there's one thing he enjoys more than acting to benefit the lesbian community, it's buttered toast. He wrote the following piece on John McCain while eating two delicious pieces of buttered toast.


Dictated by Gunpowder Jones through a social worker


John McCain claims to put country first. He claims to have suspended his campaign in the interest of living up to that mantra. He also claims to have not put his old, wrinkled penis in the cup of coffee that you are currently drinking. However, John McCain's penis is covered in coffee stains. This holds true to other aspects of his life as well. How can John McCain claim to be pulling this stunt in the interests of fixing the economy, while at the same time claiming to not rape kittens? Well-known kitten raper John McCain cannot have it both ways, i.e. he cannot have his cake and eat it too, i.e. he cannot share needles without getting HIV. And John McCain has the HIV like Barack Obama has magical negro powers. And trust me, Barack Obama has magical negro powers. Behold...

John McCain claims to have spend 4 years in a prison camp. But what are "years"? Are they, say, the time period in which 365 days have elapsed on the Gregorian calendar? Or are they an arbitrary time period that John McCain created while balls deep in an unwilling kitten? Not only did John McCain rape this kitten, he also kittenborted the kitten's kittens. So what does this mean? Nothing, if you claim to love the Lord as much as you claim to. But do you? Would the Lord put you in a prison camp if you were praying like a rockstar? Surely, the Lord would find it in his heart. To forgive. You. And me. And for this we are thankful, and we pray.

Regardless of Barack Obama's being a slave, we can all agree on one point, as we eat delicious buttered toast. John McCain would be a terrible slave. John McCain would need more rest than an alcoholic with mono. John McCain would not enhance the yield of your crops. John McCain would actually decrease this yield, as he gets progressively more old and tired and starts to actually eat your crops while sitting on other crops that are dying under his weight and aura. And let there be no doubt, John McCain's aura contains pure chlorine gas. And chlorine gas is very quick to react and kill, and we know this because we learned in school that the Lord made it this way. And John McCain's chlorine aura cloud will certainly destroy your crops. Ever have dead corn on the cob? On the dead, gloomy, lifeless cob? No? Try eating a handful of staples. Now multiply that by the square root of sin. Happy now?

John McCain has not only become the scourge of our crops, and of our lesbians and kittens, but also of our democracy, and it's principles, and everything it stands for, and everything that makes it special. John McCain will suck the specialness out of our democracy leaving nothing but shriveled up remnants that look like pineapples with SARS. As John McCain breathes in the air of our democracy, and with it the prosperity, hope, and pride that it contains, and exhales nothing but pure anthrax, our country and it's peoples are gradually worn down into shells of their former shells of their former selves. That's two tiers of shell. Two generations of shells. To get an idea of the importance of that, punch yourself in the face with a shovel and try to remember the lyrics to Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle". You simply cannot. And your face is bleeding. Who's going to replace this lost blood? Surely not John McCain. His veins are full of nothing but laundry detergent.