Thursday, November 13, 2008

Craigslist III

It's Craigslist time again. Time to titfuck some women in their tits.

LINKAGE (it will expire eventually, and so it will be preserved below)


As follows:



Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-11-13, 10:26AM EST

Yep. You read that right. I want to titfuck you right in the tits. Would that be easier to understand in caps lock? RIGHT IN THE DAMN TITS. With my penis, which is currently harder than organic chemistry. Does that turn you on? My cock looks kind of like an electron orbital diagram right now. Now pull your tits out and let me fuck them with my penis.

RIGHT IN THE TITS. That's where I want to titfuck you.

Now, I know what's going to happen. I'm going to get replies like, "ohhh, I barely even know you, can you titfuck me in the ear?", and "oh man, can you just titfuck my hair?".
No. I cannot. First off, you don't barely know me. That would insinuate that you had met me before, but just briefly. But you haven't. You don't know me at all. Second, I CAN ONLY TITFUCK YOU IN THE TITS. This is non-negotiable. It's not like allowing me to just titfuck you in the ear will make you any less of a whore. You are responding to an ad on Craigslist about being titfucked in the tits. There's really no reason not to go all out. So if you are interested in being titfucked (in the tits), respond to this message. If you are not interested in being titfucked in the tits, then something is wrong with you, and I hope for your sake that it isn't HIV.

We can do this in just about any way that involves me titfucking you in the tits. Would you like to do it while dressed up like Robocop? Fine. On horseback? Whatever. I'm down. We can talk about whatever you want to talk about while I'm titfucking you in the tits. Do you have any children? Any dreams or goals? Would you like to talk about your cats? I don't care. Honestly, if Wayne Huizenga came up to me and offered me $2 million and a yacht if I could manage to care any less, I wouldn't be able to do it. And then I'd titfuck you on his yacht while he sat there and watched. And then I'd jizz all over his helicopter. And you know what? He'd like it. And so would you. Because I'd make you like it at bow-and-arrow point. And I'm as good with bows and arrows as the Seminoles used to be before they just decided to build the Hard Rock. But don't worry about the bows and the arrows, just concentrate on being titfucked. In the tits.

So, if you've got the tits and the willingness, I've got the time. And plenty of it. So don't be a prude. This isn't 1890. Pull your tits out and let me titfuck them. It's the American way.

I have included a representation of my penis as an electron cloud diagram below, while wearing my favorite shirt. Tell me that doesn't turn you on.


My hopes are high.


wrap around curl said...

You wrote that ad, didn't you?

Vern said...

Of course I did.

jerseyredwing said...

Holy motherfuckingcrap. You sir, are my hero.

Rage said...

Epic...Vern, thousands of years from now...maybe millions, I sincerely hope archaeologists from SOME civilization unearth a megalithic, governmental intergore storage unit and are able to peruse it's contents JUST to find this fucking blog and it's twisted fucking contents(except for that gay shit about lil fuckin wayne "murderin shit up"?!) Swear to god I do. Hopefully this would be the only peek into the inner workings of our extinct species