Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Forget about the dicks today and be heard
Greetings, Floridians, from Governor Charlie Crist. Today marks a huge day in our nation's democratic tradition...our voting day. And regardless of whom you are voting for, it is essential that you forget about the dicks today and cast your vote.
Please, I urge you all...ignore the dicks for one day and get to the polls. Have your voice be heard. Keep the gears of democracy well-oiled and in motion. Forget about the dicks. Trust me, after you have returned from the polls with that good feeling that you just voiced your opinions to the country, a country in which your opinion carries just as much weight as everybody else's, that post-vote dick is going to taste like heaven. I fully expect you all to go straight to the dicks after you vote. I myself will be guzzling more dick than the Houston 500 Gangbang after making my choices, enjoying every single drop of well-earned sperm that I can vacuum out of those dicks with my mouth. But first, we have a decision to make.
This election comes at a time in which the pillars of our nation are beginning to show some stress. A time in which we need to be sure to elect a leader with the strength and courage to restore the balance of these pillars and perpetuate the growth of our nation as we aim to stay in our rightful position as the world's beacon of freedom and prosperity. This is not a time to worry about dicks. Trust me, Florida, tonight we will exhibit our freedoms to all of the eyes that are upon us by frotting like rockstars as we tangle our dicks together in celebration of our nation and everything it was founded on. I will have so many balls in my mouth tonight that my dog would be jealous. But first, my country calls upon me. And your country calls upon you. Carry out your civic duty now. The dicks can wait.
Please, Florida, heed my messages. Get out there and vote. Get out there and make your voice heard...the voice that this great nation gives you. This is the greatest nation in the world, the only place where citizens are truly equal and truly share the same rights and privileges. And while the dick is one of these rights, and a very important one at that, voting is an even greater task to take on than even the biggest of big swinging dicks. So I urge you, get out there and vote. The dicks can wait.