Ok, I lied. I got bored. Here's a holiday Craigslisting.
I'd like to fuck you like I usually fuck the turkey - m4w, 24
Every year, before I prepare the delicious turkey for consumption by my 8 illegitimate children, I fuck the absolute shit out of it before it goes in the oven. I hold those two leg bones and thrust like the fucking Challenger, but instead of exploding into a burst of flames in midair I explode inside the turkey with a burst of potential new illegitimate children. Luckily for me, dead turkeys cannot become pregnant with human offspring.
While this has become something of a yearly ritual, I'd really like to use a woman this year. It's always sad to end a tradition, even if it's likely just a temporary turkey-fucking hiatus as this is sure to be, but I feel the need to mix it up this year. What's in it for you? Not much. But there are a couple bad things that aren't in it for you, if you know what I mean. First off, after I'm done fucking you like the turkey, I'm not going to place you in the oven. I'm not going to stuff you with anything other than penis. And, as I already have 8 kids, I'm not going to finish inside of you like I usually do with the turkey. I would like it if you can make gobbling sounds like a turkey during the act, turkeys obviously turn me the fuck on and I don't see why a real live woman should be any different.
So, if you want to get fucked by me in place of the turkey this year, drop me a line. I've attached a picture of me fucking the turkey in from of a map of Africa.