Monday, November 3, 2008

Big game tonight

Oh, The Bus...known for his propensity to Aryan-step it into the end zone.

I am not a fan of Sunday night football games. I gotta wake up early on Monday, and staying up until 12:30 is not a good way to begin my week. Plus, if the Steelers lose, it's even worse. It's like staying up late to get back positive results on an HIV test. Not positive as in good, I mean positive as in yes, you fucking have AIDS. Here, take 382 of these pills and call me in the morning.

But, Monday nighters? The balls. I'll certainly stay up late on a Monday night in return for the feeling I have at work of actually looking forward to something on Monday. I used to have it last summer in my softball league, but the organizers for that team kind of fell off and no one picked up the ball this year. They Ike Taylored the ball. Just dropped it. Even though it hit them right in the chest, just like a pearl necklace.

And tonight, the Steelers face the Redskins in a match that will not determine the presidency, just some positions in the NFL standings. Seriously, if I hear another person mention the whole incumbent party-Redskins win/loss thing again I'm going to hit them. And if it's a woman, I'm going to knock her up, wait nine months, and then yell at her child until it cries. Yes, little guy, daddy doesn't really love you. He just hatefucked your mom because she said something stupid. Learn to live with that.

Forget that the Packers beat the Redskins in 2004 and Bush beat Kerry. That is inconvenient to the people who apparently forget this and want spout that retardedness. I'm trying to watch a football game. And I sure as fuckbaskets don't want to see some stupid debate at halftime with Chris fucking Berman moderating. Imagine if not only was your entire family killed by savage bears, but Chris Berman was standing 20 feet away in a booth doing play by play. That's gotta be at least one and a half times worse, which is really saying something since your entire family was just killed by fucking bears.

So, I'm going to ignore that and focus on the Steelers finally treating Roethlisberger like a responsible man treats his penis before banging a toothless prostitute and giving him some protection. And then hopefully some receivers will run some shorter routes and get open for Ben to throw to. And hopefully he'll do that instead of taking all of these sacks. However, and please help me out on this....whenever he takes a sack in the pocket and someone yells "throw it away!"...hit them. Seriously. Yell at them. Tell them they should have been aborted. Tell them that Obama can gladly tax you extra if he plans on putting the money into a government sponsored abortion program that strongly encourages abortions for people like them. You can't throw it away from inside the pocket! God damn, Bruce. If I am to remain a fully dedicated citizen of Arians Nation then I'm going to need you to dial up some more rollouts and things of that nature. Large Benjamin standing in the pocket like a statue is not going to get it done, as we've seen time and time again. He's just going to freak out and run straight ahead into a defensive lineman, anyway. HARF HARF HARF, as Christmas Ape from KSK would say. Ben has been making some harferiffic plays this year...but I think he'll turn it around, starting tonight.

Steelers by 45.

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