Thursday, November 6, 2008

Fuck it. I'm going to write a book.

Yep. A coffee-table style book. To put on your coffee table. Or the dirty broken down table in your meth lab that you set the HCl on while cleaning out your cookware. And I have an idea for it, too. Kind of.

It's going to be the world's first drunken novel.

Now, before you say, "oh, Hemingway used to write while he was drunk", or, "omg, Thoreau used to do Jack shots between paragraphs", know that I don't mean a little sauced up. Or with a little bit of a buzz. I'm talking like 3 am instant message style hammered. Every time I get back from a particularly strong night about the town, I will start writing about whatever I feel like writing about. Then, as I start to sober up, I'll stop and resume on the next crunkadelic evening. I'll probably have to think of a semblance of a story line at the beginning so I have something to go on, but those are just minor details. Maybe it will be about a family of centaurs battling over their centaur daughter's decision to abort a centaur fetus that she got fucked into her by a homeless centaur one night while trying to score some centaur drugs (like flour...centaurs get FUCKED UP by flour). In the end, the family of centaurs decides to accept their daughter's decision until she reverses her decision and has the centaur baby only to have it turn out to be gay and now everybody's confused again. The centaurs then decide to go out for ice cream and end up lost in the Alaskan wilderness just like that dumbass dude who did just that in that Into the Wild movie or whatever it was called. Centaurs are freaking idiots.

So, we'll see how this goes. I'll probably start it up sometime after Thanksgiving and review it the next day. It will be a collection of drunken stories...fuck centaurs. I think I'm going to call it "Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyy". And the title is going to have a red squiggly line underneath it.


AB said...

i'll happily edit it drunk if you like.

Vern said...

"Dude, yyoiu so could have mispelkd these words here to make it even drtunker"

"thansk, AB"

Lori said...

You can use my free quiznos shot glass that I got today... only classy stuff for me.

Also, I think you should compose an entire book of drunken 3 am AIM conversations. Like a collection of poems, but way more amazing. I volunteer to participate.

Uncle Ebenezer said...

Nothing says ambition like getting fucked up to write a book that some meth head is gonna use to balance chemicals on while he makes more meth; sweet, sweet meth. I applaud your effort, and am very much looking forward to reading your book before my lab explodes.