Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I never meant to criticize Marion Barber's vagina

Honestly, I did not in any way shape or form mean to say that Marion Barber wasn't tough for not playing with his badly sprained vagina last week against the Steelers. Far be it for me to criticize a player for not playing with a strained clitoris while I'm sitting up here in a booth doing coke off of a stripper's tits. Marion is a tough player and I've known this since we drafted him, which is why I was so surprised that an injury to his vagina would have kept him from making the trip to Pittsburgh.

I understand that Marion's sopping wet vagina was preventing him from cutting with his usual explosiveness and also causing him a lot of discomfort and itching. I know that the deep pains he felt in his uterine cavity were likely to keep him from taking on hits with the effort and ferocity he is used to having. And I apologize for calling him and his vagina out like me, that was not my intention. I know full well that Marion will do everything he can this week to get his vagina healthy enough so that he can take the field against the Giants on Sunday, and I know that if he can play through the vaginal pain and cramping, well, by golly he's going to be out on that field ready to remind y'all that he is one of the elite players in this league. This much I am sure of.

So please, I'd like to clear the air here and get the media off of our backs (and Marion's vagina). I was not calling out my player's toughness, he's as tough an SOB as I've seen in my days here in the NFL. He'll be ready this weekend. Vaginal cramps or not.

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