Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I wouldn't want to see one of the players in the above photo on the Pirates.

And it's not Bonds.

However, the Pirates have been talking to David "Fucking" Eckstein, according to his agent, the illustrious PT Barnum. The Eck scrapped his way to a .265 average along with 2 home runs and 27 RBIs last year, which is pretty impressive considering he uses a magical plastic bat and just wants to get back to the dugout to get more orange wedges. This is not what the Buccos need to be adding to a team that already employs Jack Wilson, who would be Eckstein if they somehow managed to win a world series and he had a timely RBI at some point in it while everyone else sucked. They he, not Eckstein, would have won a sweet new Corvette that he couldn't even drive because he can't drive a manual transmission.

Just look at this douchebag:

I don't even choke up that hard on my bitches.

Please, Neal Huntingdon and the Pirates, don't ruin my faith in you by going after David Eckstein. It doesn't matter how scrappy he is. You don't get extra runs for scrappiness. You don't break ties by seeing who knows the most lyrics to Lil' Scrappy songs. There is no point to pay this guy to put on a Pirates uniform.

Don't do it, Pirates. Don't do it.


Rage said...

Vern, if you have real faith in ANYbody in the Pittsburgh Pirates organization, then you, my friend, are a fucking idiot. You'd be better served putting your faith in Big Bird, or the Tooth Fairy , Santa or even Jesus Fucking Christ, because none of those made up motherfuckers are capable of "coming through" either. Are you fucking serious?!?

Choke yourself, Pyle!!

Vern said...

It's a God damn new Pirate generation. I have faith. NO ECKSTEIN.

Rage said...

and I say that with love, Vern. Seriously, though. Do you pray to Cam Bonifay?


Rage said...

Oh, I see. You don't know any better yet! Pardon my cynicism...err...sense of reality. Hang in there, bro!

Go Buccos!