Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Omigod, Plaxico should totally go to jail with the bad men


Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii it's Mayor Bloomberg and I've got a message for y'all to listen up to if yadontmind hearing me ouuuuuuuut. If you guyssss haven't heard about Plaxico Burress's esssscapades at a popular club this past weekend then omigoddddd you totally need to check the news and get abreast of this delevoping sitch, okaaayyyy?

Plaxico is a superfootballstar for the Giants and he's recently become embroiled in a fiasssssco in which he shot hissself in the leg with his own unregistered gun while clubbin latenight, okaaay? Well, we need to pressure our courts here to prossssecute him to the fullest extent of the law. He's a big strong man and he can take it, amiright? Amiright? I mean, this should be an open and shut case. You've got bulletholes and guns and hospitals and that's really all the evidence you need, okay? We need to come together as a city and say oh heyyyy Plaxico, nuh uh! You aren't going to get away with this just because you are a big strong football player man, alright! We are gonna throw the book at you as hard as we can limpwristedly throw it! We will not tolerate big strong men wandering our streets with illegal guns, okaaaay? Just because you are a footballplayerman and not an icky drug dealer doesn't mean that you can get away with this nonsense!

We need to put bad men like Plaxico away in the slammer! Let's face it, his actions were those of a bad man! And we need to get that filth off of our streets, New York City, okaaay? Let's start by making an example out of Misssterrr Burress, and put him away for the whole 3 and a half yearsss! Amiright?

4 comments:

jerseyredwing said...

Actually, I do think he should go to jail for whatever the law says is the minimum. Why can't he just NOT have a gun? He's a goddamned hero in NY! He doesn't need a gun. He can just put his hands up and say "Whoa! I'm the guy who caught that touchdown pass and won the Superbowl for the Giants!" and they'd say something like "Hey! Thanks to you I could loot freely that night of the Bowl, everybody was soooo crunked up!" So F him, he doesn't follow the rules of football, or his team, or the management of said team. So, reap what you sew, I say.

Vern said...

I mean, yeah, but I still think the mayor is out of line to come in and say all of that stuff before he knows anything other than the fact that Plaxico shot himself.

Sounds like something for Plax to use as a basis for an appeal if he does happen to get convicted.

jerseyredwing said...

Okay, in that light, I can agree with you that Bloomberg is an idiot. Fucking rah-rah types. We'll be reading about the prostitution scandal involving Bloomberg shortly, I hope.

Rage said...

Male prostitution scandals you mean. Politicizing the idiocy of idiot football players for the Dicksucking Albatrosses is a totally douchebag move....even for douche politicians