Thursday, October 23, 2008
Argument that chaps my balls part II
While in the Chi, I was watching some ESPN, you know, the barnburner they had on Tuesday between Ohio and Temple. One of the worst games I'd ever seen, complete with fumbles and shanked 25-yard field goals. Delicious football, for sure. And during this game, they had a question asking who was better, Sam Bradford of OU or Colt McCoy of Texas. Of course they had an OU fan come off and spout nonsense. Then they gave the guy from UT equal time. And he said that McCoy was better obviously, "because they just beat Oklahoma!". Of course! It's that simple.
It must also follow that these be accepted as absolute truths:
- Ole Miss' QB, Whomever McRandompants, is better than Tim Tebow, because Ole Miss beat Florida.
- Oregon State's head coach, Notsure O'Clueless, is a better recruiter than Pete Carroll, because Oregon State beat USC.
- Vietnam is better than the USA at militaryness because they kind of maybe beat us in a war once.
- Al Gore is a better president than George W. Bush because he beat him in a presidential election once.
- Kyle Busch is better at NASCAR than Dale Earnhardt because he never died in a race.
- The Dodge Challenger is a better rocketship than the actual Challenger because it never blew up in space.
- Big Brown is a worse racehorse than that jokehorse that beat him in the third event of the Triple Crown simply because of that fact...that Big Brown lost to him in a match of racehorsery.
- Anyone who knows who that horse is in the above example is better than you, even though they should be made fun of for paying any attention to the horse racing world.
- Phil Huffman was a better pitcher than both Chuck Finley, because he never got beat up by his girlfriend, and Hall of Famer Addie Joss, because he never got tuberculosis while playing in the major leagues.
- I'm better than you because I have a much bigger penis than you do. Well, ok, maybe that does make me better than you.
Point is, the argument is stupid, especially since Bradford's performance was arguably better in the game. So, caller from Texas during that terrible Tuesday game, you are cordially invited to go and fuck yourself with keys to a Chrysler Crossfire until you bleed.