Monday, October 13, 2008

I still hold this microphone like a penis

Wow, are you as excited as I am, Pierre?

- I sure am, Mike. Another hockey season is underway. This is one of my favorite times of the year, what with all the excitement that every team has. A new beginning! Like a phoenix rising out of the ashes that are the previous season. And I really can't help but hold the microphone like a penis while I describe it.

I know what you are saying, Pierre. The only thing I like to think that I have a grasp on as well as I have a grasp on this upcoming hockey season is this microphone, which I artfully hold just like I would a penis.

- I'm pretty sure I've held microphones like penises for my entire adult life. I hold this microphone with a grip that is tight but also pleasurable for the microphone...just like I would if it were a penis.

Firmly but gently, right?

- Exactly.

Really can't beat it, as far as sound quality and comfort is concerned.

- I'm just glad it's not an actual penis. I mean, the sound that it picks up would be nowhere near as good as this microphone.

But the way I hold it, even if it were a real penis, I'm sure it would stay hard. But, it wouldn't ejaculate. Really, that's the same way I hold the mic.

- It's all about maintaining that consistency.

It's a very difficult line to straddle.

- There's a bit of a grey area in there.

Yeah, and mainly, the only way to get to this point is experience. With both microphones and penises.

- Gosh, Mike, you get me fired up with this talk.

Let's take a quick commercial break, Pierre. We'll be right back. ;)


wrap around curl said...

Whenever I hear Pierre's voice I rock back and forth and shriek "shut up" and hold my hands over my ears.

Vern said...

That's a mild reaction.

I can't think of anybody that epitomizes "douchebag" more than him. For realz.

Lori said...

I've always thought Pierre McGuire looks like a penis.

Rage said...

Pierre looks like a penis indeed, but Milbury IS a penis...a giant flaccid, worthless penis