Thursday, October 16, 2008

Debate Recap with Jim Breuer

Heyyyyyy there kiddos DID you SEE the DEBATE LASt niGHt? It was a debate bETWEEn two PREEEESSIDENTIAL CANANANANANDIDATES for the office of PRESIDENT! You KNEW there was goiNG to BE EXcitemeNT!!!1.

First, TEH MODERATOR was ALL like "welcome, senators Obama and McCain", and then they were all like, "thank you, Mr. moderatorguywiththequestions". And then he sat them down and started ASSSSSSSKING THEM questionszzsz. And it started offf with the economy ch-ch-ching chang! Ching chang ch-ch-ching! Obama's like, "yo, mothafuckas I'm gonna raise taxes on the rich and lower them on the mothafuckin' workin class yo" and McCain was like "my friends, do you want Senator Obama to take your money and redistribute zzzzzzzzzz" and Obama was like, "yo this cracka be trippin'", and McCain was all like "GET OFF MY LAWN!", and it was craaaaAAAZzzzYyyyYY! I was like, whogonnagetmy vooooooooooooooote? I'm just a guy skipping through a forest with my vote, yeah my vote, here's my vote, wanna see my vote hehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahah!

Then the modddddERATOr asked them if they were gonna say the neggggggggative things they've been campaigning about, you know, "hey, I'm that dude running for president and I approved this message" and like, "hey, you know the other guy wants to tax your thoughts" and that shhhhtufffff. And McCain's like, "Schenator Obama has not redispudiatered the remarks of Random Anderson", and Obama's like lol, and Obama's like "they yell stuff like TERRORIST, BOOM BOOM bombity bomb bomb at your rallies John", and John's like "I repubiated all of the attacksh", and Obama's like, "whatever", and McCain's like, "pssssssh" and like, fuck, man, it was crazy! CRAZY OH MAN I'M CRAZY WATCH ME EAT MY FACE LIKE IT WAS CELERY hahahahahahahahheheehheheheheheheheheheheheeh!!!!

And then Moderator Jones asked about the runningggg mates, HEY, LOOOK at me I'm RUNNING and I'm someone's MATE I'M A RunnING MatE!!!!!! Obama's like "Sarah Paylin is ehhhhh uhhhh she's honorable and uhhhhhhh she's been in uhhhhhh government" and he wanted to just say "yo playa, she's a fuckwad, she's like a big wad of fuck" but he couldn't CUZ IT WUZZZZZZ A DEBATES. And McCaaaaaaain's like "Joe Biden is an honorable American but he's always wrong because he wanted to turn Iraq into a rectangle and I hate rectanglesh but he's still a man of honor an honorable man" and no one really answered the QUESS?SSSTIO?NNNN!!!! beep beep beep I'm backing up beep beep to the projector and spending beeeeeeeeeeeeep

McCain keeeeeeps Talksing about the ovvvvverHEAD PROjectORRRRR that Obama spent like THREE BILLION DOLLARS ON and it PROJECTS planeeeeetttttts oohhhhhh I'm orbiting the Sun right now I'm a plaaaaaneeeeeetttttttt, if I were an R&B singing planet I'd be Planet Jackson heheheheheheheheheh!!!!! And McCain's like Subzero from Mortal Kombat because he looks at spending and he's like, "I'm going to freeze you, my friend" and he's like "I'm going to cut pork with a hatchet and a scalpel" and Obama's like "yeah, it really is a scapel" and McCain's like, "no, it's more like a hacksaw" and Obama's like, "actually, it's more like a samurai sword", and McCain's like, "NO, IT'S MORE LIKE A HIGH-POWERED CUTTING LASER SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO CUT EXCESS SPENDING FROM FEDERAL BUDGETS" and SMOKE smokes out of his ears and he's like gonna BLOWWWWW booooooom explosion POW POW ping ping pow and Obama's like ok ok, it's a lay-zerrrrrrr bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. So Obama's like, let's create jobs.

And then my sink got clogged, so I called JOEOEOEOEOEOOE the PLUMBBBBBBer. Joe plumbed and plumbed and splish splash he was making a bath in there and he's like who should I vote for and McCain's like, "Joe, I'll cut your taxes" and Obama's like "Joe, I'm trying to make it a favorable climate for more Joes to come out and Joe like you" and McCain's like, "Joe, I don't want to take your money" and Obama's like, "Joe, I'm not going to hurt your bizness fact is I'll make healthcare cheaper" and McCain's like, "Joe, Obama will fine you" and Obama's like "no I won't I want to make it easier for you to get healthcare, and McCain's like "ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" and Obama's like "pssssh lies" and IT'S LIKE THAT YO BOOM CH BOOM BOOM CHH I'm beatboxing dog!

Then Obama's like, "you are Bush" and McCain's like, "no, Bush ran 4 years ago, you should have ran then" and Obama's like, "well, you are like Bush" and McCain's like "pssssh no I'm not I'm a fucking maverick I disagree with my party all the time" and Obama's like, "no you don't" and McCain's like, "look at my record" and Obama's like, "I have" and McCain's like, "look again" and no one got anywhere just sat there running in PLAAAAYYYAAAAYAAAACE!!!!!! Jog jog jog in plaaaaaace! But the Cardinals won woooooooooooooo!

But ACORNS and OTHER FORMS OF NUTS and DOMESTIC ABUSING TERRORISTS were brought uppppp up up and away! And Obama's like "I'm not involved" and McCain's like "you are involved and it's messing up democracy" and Obama's like "nuh uh" and McCain's like "uh huh" and the moderators like "make 'em say uhhhhhhh!" and McCain's like "uhhhh" and the moderator's like "na na na na" and Obama's like, "I'm the colonel of the mothafuckin' tank!", and they sang it out and shook hands like SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE, SHAKE THOSE HAAAAAANDS and that was THE Enddddd hehehehehehehhahhaahahahhaahah oh my God it was CRAAAAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! PEEEEACE outttttttt guysss and galzzzzzzzz!!!!


Lori said...

Haha, I'm glad I wrote a paper through the debate and read this instead. CNN should give you a fucking job reading between the lines. Then you can tell me about the crazy shit that goes down in the "situation room."


wrap around curl said...

This is scary accurate. And it was scarier because I could hear Jim in my head.

AndSheWas said...

I think I would fuck Jim Breur.

Vern said...

You'd probably fuck anyone other than me.

Rage said...

Dude, no sane person anywhere on earth wants to fuck jim breuer, so if he can pull some vag...well then...

just sayin