Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Argument that chaps my balls part III

You are looking at two guys who just win games.

It's that simple. If there's a game, and it's not between two guys who just win, then the guy who just wins is simply going to just win. It doesn't matter what game it is. You get Steve McNair up against Ken Jennings in Jeopardy and I'm picking McNair every time. Fact is, he just wins games.

Before Vince Young got sad, he too was labeled as a guy who just won games. He threw about 9 more INTs than TDs last season, but guess what...his team won games! Forget the other 21 guys on the field, this was Vince Young's doing and Vince Young's alone. Vince willed his team to victory before crying himself to sleep later in the evenings.

Forget that they had a sick defense and a so-so schedule last year and still only went 9-7, good enough for "average".

Ignore completely that a guy like Kerry motherfreaking Collins has lead said team to a 7-0 record this year (albeit against a similarly questionable sked...but they did just beat the Colts).

Just remember that Vince Young wins games. This is all that is important.

Thus, according to the transitive property of retardation that states that if a=b, and b=c, then make a bunch of stupid jokes, it must follow that the latter are all true:

- Microsoft just wins operating systems...forget that they come bundled with everything you buy.

- Kordell Stewart just wins the hearts of gay men everywhere, regardless of the fact that they probably would have blown anybody.

- AT&T just wins wireless networks, regardless of what iPhones have done for them.

- John Mark Karr just gets the chicks...ignore the fact that she was 7.

- Jon Benet Ramsey just wins beauty pageants. I have no idea where I'm going with this one.

- Ben Roethlisberger justs manages games...don't bother actually watching them.

- All of the guys who won more games than Vince Young don't just win games, because only a few guys can just win games or else everybody would just win games and there would be no point in continuing to have games.

- Toni Braxton just unbreaks hearts. You heard the lyrics.

- OJ Simpson just gets his stuff back...disregard the life sentence he's going to get for it.

Next person to suggest to me that someone "just wins" wins a money shot to their face.

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