Friday, October 17, 2008

Then just take the handouts

I hear a lot of criticisms about Obama focused not on actual policies (of which there are many to question), but on the supposed idea that everyone other than the criticizers will be receiving handouts. Without actually pointing out concrete examples. Hey, free money! We will be in a welfare state (kind of like Wall Street is right now) with nobody but those good hard-working Joe the plumbers dragging us along and keeping us going. All the blacks and hippies will be living off of their taxes! I'm really considering quitting my job and just living off of the handouts, just like the hard workers have suggested.

Until I realized that it's like $350 a month.

Seriously, go right ahead, complainers. If it's so easy to be homeless, then go and do it. Nothing's stopping you...and just think, free rent! And instead of thinking of your co-homeless as dirty homeless people, consider them to be God's tenants. You can have a land-Lord! Of course, it's going to be hard as fuck to get a job when you decide that you want to go back to living normal again because you are going to smell like a mix of vinegar and Rosie O'Donnell's vagina, but hey...handouts! It feels good to not work, doesn't it?

Do you really think the government spends a high percentage of our money feeding the homeless? I doubt it, and a Google search shows it's actually more like church groups and stuff that do it. Plus, the homeless are kind of annoying when they sit in the park and badger you, I'll give you that. So let's not be homeless. Let's just quit our jobs and live off the welfare.

So, let's get some data here. The best I could find at quick glance were numbers from 1992, so we're going to have to normalize it here. Let's assume that you've got a kid and a wife and you can get ~63% of the poverty level through food stamps, just like you could in 1992. Right now the poverty level is $17,500 for a family of 3, so let's assume that 63% of that is the combined welfare/food stamps payout. It comes out to about $918/month, so we'll bump that up to $1,000. You want to feed your family off of that? Be. My. Guest. And it's probably not because you are too hard of a worker and because you don't want to accept handouts. It's because you would be hungry as fuck.

I've fought my left-wing urges to quit work and sit at home living off of handouts even though it's painted as such a glorious lifestyle, but I'm really getting to the limit of this work stuff. So let's go Obama...where's my check? This socialism stuff is great. Steal from the rich, give to the poor. But don't get too many crazy ideas, I only have this sweet tan because I can't afford sunblock*.

*I don't wear sunblock anyway because it's gay. But you get the point.


Lori said...

I'm in a sociology class for shits and giggles right now, and you know what happens? So a person with relying on govn't support gets a job, but it's a shitty job because they smell like rosie's vagina (thank you for the vivid imagery). They get buy on assistance. Then they stop smelling like Rosie's vag a bit and get a promotion, say of $400 a month.. the govern't sees this improvement and kills $600 in the benefits getting them by.. then they're fucked and start smelling like Rosie's vag again. beautiful system, right?

Vern said...

I'm sure a few people say give me the benefits and say fuck it.

But yeah, most studies show that they try to get a job because the benefits barely make a dent in their expenses.

A lot of people don't understand that there are always going to be poor people. Not everybody call pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get a job, because there just aren't enough bootstrap manufacturers in the world to hire them.

Vern said...

Also, you forgot about the vinegar. Can't forget the vinegar.

Rage said...

I dig people who small like Rosie's any rate, I like where this is going, suggest some workable alternatives, begin the revolution, or STFU and do what the man say to do.

Vern said...

I would just start Homeless City somewhere in Florida.