Oh snap y'all, it's Halloweens today. Time to get lost in the act of pretending to be someone else (no, not like that dude who was arrested for impersonating Brian St. Pierre). But what am I going to dress up as? I usually like to do something strange and uncommon.
Last year, I started hitting the sauce early and was kind of out of it by 4 o'clock. So, I kind of missed the "go get a costume" part of things. I had to think quick right before we left...and so I took the hose attachment from the vacuum cleaner and carried it around with a tag on my shirt that read "FREE ABORTIONS!". That went over realllll well, let me tell you.
This year, I really haven't had too much time to formulate a costume nor the expendable scratch to buy the pieces for it. As soon as my money comes in right now, it goes out to bills. And those bills do not include Spiderman masks. So, I had come up with a few ideas.
- A pube. How would I pull off being a pube, you ask? I really have no idea. I guess I would paint my face black, wear all black, and find some black curly thing to wear on my head. Not too many people thought this was a good idea. I think it it's the best idea I've ever had in my life, and that's saying something as I was the guy who told John Holmes that he might want to get some HIV tests done before he started doing gay porns. Best "I told you so" in my life, even if he was too dead-from-AIDS to hear it. Anyway, I might still end up doing this one tomorrow (two days of costuming coming up).
- A Chrysler Town and Country. Yes, a minivan. No, I have no idea how. All I know is it would be awesome and there would be no chance of showing up and having to say "fuck, Diane, you are a Chrysler Town and Country too?". If I had a good amount of dollars laying around, I might try this. But even then I have no idea how I'd do it. Maybe I'll just drive one into the living room.
- Someone in blackface. Blackface is awesome in every circumstance. I could be Mike Tyson, or Stevie Wonder, or even MLK Jr.!!! If I get some African-American paint, I might do Tyson. That would be easy. Plus, I could ask every woman there if they want to perform Horatio on me.
I got nothing this year. I'm going to have to do the pube idea.
3 comments:
Know what, Vern? I'm just sittin here power-slammin Sanseo Dark Roast coffees at an alarming rate, tryin to figger out new, dangerous ways to inflict evil on myself and the human race in general, and it hits me that since I dig yer blog, maybe i could paypal you a few heterosexual(no gay strings attached) bucks so you don't gotta walk around looking like a dirty pube.
Nah...you'd just use it to be a better-disguised pube. To save cash, just pee on yourself, drool a lot and walk around pretending to be John McCai...wait, I ain't gonna go there...Corky! Yeah you could be all Corky-ish
I just went as Jackie Moon. Eh, it worked out this year. I need to have something good next year, though.
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