Thursday, October 2, 2008

O to the MFG, we gots a VP debate tonight!!!!

Holy hell, dogs and female dogs...big match-up tonight!!! Who yinz got?

We've got Joe Biden, who has said a lot of sketchy non-truths in the press that he's been called out on by the opposition!

And we've also got Sarah Palin, who has said a lot of sketchy non-truths in the press that ahe's been called out on by the opposition!

Both from small states that no one cares about. Both have pandered to Steeler fans recently. And both have children that have had unprotected intercourse. It's really a tough decision.

Although I'm 90% positive that I could defeat Sarah Palin in an Alaskan geographical challenge, the fact remains that she has governed the fuck out of the largest state in the union for the past 18 months. Important issues such as how much oil should go down the pipeline, where should we drill for oil, should we fix these parts of the pipeline up, and receiving the oil from the other side of the pipeline have been tackled like James Harrison destroying a Browns fan. Also, in case you weren't aware, Alaska borders the Arctic Ocean, making Palin an expert on Nuclear Icebreaker ships and the mating habits of polar bears. This is one well-versed woman, regardless of the fact that she probably couldn't even tell you why Roe v. Wade made abortions cool again. Just like stunner shades.

Biden, on the other hand...Biden wants to abort every single fetus he comes across, to the point where he was ex-communicated from Scranton. You listen and you listen good, Rev. Joseph Martino...Joe Biden will not sleep until your church is surrounded by a 23-foot deep lake of fetus. Joe Biden wants our streets to become rivers of fetuses, upon which he will sail on Jerry Falwell's homophobic corpse. But Biden also has a smooth side, vowing to keep us calm in the middle of crisis just like Abraham Lincoln did in 1863 when he parachuted into the Rose Bowl during halftime to give a speech regarding Appamattox. So deepthroat on those apples, Confederates.

I'm thinking this one comes down to the points where Jesus tells Sarah Palin what to say and how often he does it. Because, come on don't think Jesus would lose to Joe Biden in a debate, do you? Hopefully this plays heavily to our country's ridiculous fascinations with abortion and gay marriage. If there's one thing I haven't heard enough of, it's that.


wrap around curl said...

I was going to come up with a drinking game for the debate. Like, take a shot every time Palin says something wildly inaccurate. But then I would be blitzed in about 8 minutes and I don't have that much booze on hand.

Vern said...

I saw an awesome one earlier. Let me see if I can find it.

Here it is:

Yeah. I don't know HTML so, whatevs.

Anonymous said...

When the election happens, we're taking a shot every time Obama wins a state.

Rage said...

It's just not fair that all you bitter liberals think Goddess Sarah should have to say smart stuff, be accurate AND uber-hawt all at once....Joe Biden ain't hawt...just sayin

Vern said...

I mean, if Sarah Palin wanted to coug it out with me after a night bar-hopping, that would be cool and all, but there are so many cougs down here that I don't think she'd even be noticed. She's not nearly as coug-ish as people make her out to be.

Rage said...

Dude, she's the smokin hawt (secretly) dirty librarian!!!! Are u kidding me? Since her daughter seems to love the holy peen more than Geometry tests, just think o the possibilities!!!!!! Dare I say ...The Promised Land?!?!?!?

WTFWJD? Drop the Bonehammer, that's what he'd do!